The Mixed Tape

This is morning
That's when I spend the most time
Thinking 'bout what I've given up
This is a warning
When you start the day just to close the curtains
You're thinking 'bout what I've given up

Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo
I'm writing you a symphony of sound
Where are you now?
As I rearrange the songs again
This mix could burn a hole in anyone
But it was you I was thinking of

I read your letter
The one you left when you broke into my house
Retracing every step you made
And you said you meant it
And there's a piece of me in every single
Second of every single day
But if it's true then tell me how it got this way

Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo
I'm writing you a symphony of sound
Where are you now?
As I rearrange the songs again
This mix could burn a hole in anyone
But it was you I was thinking of

And I can't get to you
I can't get to you
I can't get to you (you, you)

Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo
I conduct a symphony of sound
Where are you now?
As I'm cutting through you track by track
I swear to God this mix could sink the sun
But it was you I was thinking of

And where are you now?
And where are you now?

And this is my mixed tape for her
It's like I wrote every note
With my own fingers

--------------------------------

Today is the first time I called in sick for work... well, at this job. What did I do today? I slept, ate, and slept some more. I tried to study, but failed miserably. I read about five pages. But in those five pages, I've learned about anxiety disorders, phobias, and OCD. One thing that I've learned is how I think I have a very very minor sort of social phobia. Let me provide you with some evidence...

"[Social phobia is the] excessive fear of engaging in behaviours that involve public scrutiny... Underlining social phobia is an excessive fear of negative evaluations from others... people with social phobia often worry about their social presentation, and are frightened of doing or saying something humiliating or embarrassing... people with social phobia tend to see themselves as not being good as others... tend to be severely critical of their social skills and become absorbed in evaluating their own performance when interacting with others. Social phobia is apparently more common among women than men. [People with social phobia] may eat lunch at their desks to avoid socializating with co-workers. Or they may find themselves in social situations and attempt a quick escape at the first sign of anxiety... People with social phobia often turn to tranquilizers or try to "medicate" themselves with alcohol when preparing for social interactions. The roots of social phobia may begin in childhood. People with social phobia typically report they were shy as children" (Nevid et al, 2006, p.183-184).

-- Nevid, J.S., Greene, B., Johnson, P.A., & Taylor, S. (2009). Essentials of abnormal psychology in a changing world. Upper Saddle River: Pearson Education, Inc. (Yes, I sourced in my blog xD)

Ok, in order to be classified as a person with social phobia, it has to significantly impact my life, in which it doesn't. I will not enter a room when people are already seated. I try to avoid parties when there's a lot of people. I try to avoid presenting in front of others. I am always concerned about my social presence. When things get awkward, I usually walk away. I was definitely a shy kid. I tend to consume more alcohol to make me feel less awkward. And, I have to sometimes practice conversations when addressing authority. And there you have it. A glimpse of how socially awkward Anita is.

Alright, it's gotten to about 1am now. I hope that tomorrow, I will feel better. Hopefully, not call in sick. Although, I am quite tempted... Anyways, I'm off. Goodnight.