You told me
There's no need
To talk it out
Cause its too late
To proceed
And slowly
I took your words
No looking back
I wont regret, no
I will find my way
I'm broken
But still I have to say
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
You played me
Betrayed me
Your love was nothing but a game
Portrait a role
You took control, I
I couldn't help but fall
So deep
But now I see things clear
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Don't waist you fiction tears on me
Just save them for someone in need
It's Way to late
I'm closing the door
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
No matter what you say
It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
I won't be sorry
-------------------------
When I find myself in a hole, I consciously keep myself there. I isolate myself completely from those close to me. I think I just need time to gather my thoughts and to seriously think things over. Being close to other people, talking to people close to me, somehow makes things worse off. I don't like talking things over. Cutting people off avoids the need for me to put on a fake smile. Self-sabotage? Most likely. But necessary.
I hate myself for changing, only for a moment, and becoming someone I am not proud of. I hate myself for thinking that I am different than my family, for throwing away my values. I hate the fact that I never listen and how I think I know best. I look back at hopeful 16 year old I once was, full of hope and aspirations, and wish I could tell myself that it's not real. I get what I deserve in life. I don't deserve anything more.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Franklin
And when we get home, I know we won't be home at all
This place we live, it is not where we belong
And I miss who we were in the town that we could call our own
Going back to get away after everything has changed
Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
(Everything has changed)
Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
So we stand here now and no one knows us at all
I won't get used to this
I won't get used to being gone
And going back won't feel the same if we aren't staying
Going back to get away after everything has changed
Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
(Everything has changed)
Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
Taking up our time
Taking up our time
Taking up our time
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time, taking up our time
Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
-----------------------
It's been a while since a very good blog. No promises here. Haha. Anyways, September is upon us and we soon go back to routine. I love routine. I love knowing how my day is going to go, knowing when it's going to end. Love it! Anyways, lately I've been in a slump. I'm finding myself in isolation all the time. Consciously of course. I'm in need of a really good laugh.
On another note, I've started another blog: healthyisbeauty.blogspot.com
It's pretty much a boring diary for my path of healthiness. I hope that it provides me the commitment I need to be healthier.
This place we live, it is not where we belong
And I miss who we were in the town that we could call our own
Going back to get away after everything has changed
Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
(Everything has changed)
Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
So we stand here now and no one knows us at all
I won't get used to this
I won't get used to being gone
And going back won't feel the same if we aren't staying
Going back to get away after everything has changed
Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
(Everything has changed)
Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
Taking up our time
Taking up our time
Taking up our time
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time, taking up our time
Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
-----------------------
It's been a while since a very good blog. No promises here. Haha. Anyways, September is upon us and we soon go back to routine. I love routine. I love knowing how my day is going to go, knowing when it's going to end. Love it! Anyways, lately I've been in a slump. I'm finding myself in isolation all the time. Consciously of course. I'm in need of a really good laugh.
On another note, I've started another blog: healthyisbeauty.blogspot.com
It's pretty much a boring diary for my path of healthiness. I hope that it provides me the commitment I need to be healthier.
Friday, August 21, 2009
On Fire
They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be
But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words
And you're on fire
When he's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries
Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)
Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take
When I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...
I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And I've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge
And I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery
--------------------
I said I wouldn't be sorry for my imperfections, but I am. I hate my fucking external locus of control. I have to be better.
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be
But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words
And you're on fire
When he's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries
Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)
Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take
When I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...
I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And I've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge
And I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery
--------------------
I said I wouldn't be sorry for my imperfections, but I am. I hate my fucking external locus of control. I have to be better.
Monday, August 17, 2009
If You Wanted A Song Written About You, All You Had To Do Was Ask
I'm throwing away pictures
That I never should have taken in the first place
And it's cold in my apartment
As I'm changing all the colors
From the brightest reds to grays
Well it's 3 o'clock on monday morning
I'm just hoping you're not seeing his face
I've been getting calls in these hotel rooms
Long enough to know that it was him
That took my place
And I hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And I hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts
And I'm burning all the letters
Hoping that I might forget her and her bad taste
That she left when she was leaving me
A life of barely breathing as she walked
Out of this place
And you dropped the note and we changed key
You changed yourself and I changed me
I really didn't see us singing through this
Then you screamed the bridge
And I cried the verse
And our chorus came out unrehearsed
And you smiled the whole way through it
I guess maybe that's what's worse
And I hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And I hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts
And I'm taking all your memories off the shelf
And I don't need you or anybody else
So take a look at me
See what you want to see
When you get home
Take me home
I'd rather die than be with you
Take me home
You have a problem with the truth
Take me home
Because this happens every time
I knew it would...
I knew it would...
Take me home
I'd rather die than be with you
Take me home
You have a problem with the truth
Take me home
Because this happens every time
And I knew it would...
I knew it would...
And I hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And I hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts
And I'm taking all your memories off the shelf
And I don't need you or anybody else
So take a look at me
See what you want to see
When you get home
--------------------------
Finally, I have finished my summer course! Now, two-ish weeks of summer left! Must spend it well.
I have nothing to say, so this entry sucks. Sorry.
That I never should have taken in the first place
And it's cold in my apartment
As I'm changing all the colors
From the brightest reds to grays
Well it's 3 o'clock on monday morning
I'm just hoping you're not seeing his face
I've been getting calls in these hotel rooms
Long enough to know that it was him
That took my place
And I hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And I hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts
And I'm burning all the letters
Hoping that I might forget her and her bad taste
That she left when she was leaving me
A life of barely breathing as she walked
Out of this place
And you dropped the note and we changed key
You changed yourself and I changed me
I really didn't see us singing through this
Then you screamed the bridge
And I cried the verse
And our chorus came out unrehearsed
And you smiled the whole way through it
I guess maybe that's what's worse
And I hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And I hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts
And I'm taking all your memories off the shelf
And I don't need you or anybody else
So take a look at me
See what you want to see
When you get home
Take me home
I'd rather die than be with you
Take me home
You have a problem with the truth
Take me home
Because this happens every time
I knew it would...
I knew it would...
Take me home
I'd rather die than be with you
Take me home
You have a problem with the truth
Take me home
Because this happens every time
And I knew it would...
I knew it would...
And I hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And I hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts
And I'm taking all your memories off the shelf
And I don't need you or anybody else
So take a look at me
See what you want to see
When you get home
--------------------------
Finally, I have finished my summer course! Now, two-ish weeks of summer left! Must spend it well.
I have nothing to say, so this entry sucks. Sorry.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Siberia
When you come back I won't be here
She said and gently pulled me near
If you want to talk you can call
And no it's not your fault
I just smiled and said let go of me
But there's something that I've just gotta know
Did someone else steal my part?
She said it's not my fault
Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I was drifted in between
Like I was on the outside looking in, yeah yeah
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been
Oh yeah, my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head
When I came back she wasn't there
Just a note left on the stairs
If you want to talk give me a call
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
When the one that you want doesn't want you
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
Siberia, Siberia
When the one you want doesn't want you too
------------------------
What happens when the one you want doesn't want you? Or, on the flipside, what if someone wants you and you don't want them? Do you A) Be persistent because you can't help who you want, or B) Let it go because it hurts you too much? Either way, both ways have its consequences. On one hand, you have the idea that you are honest with yourself, but at the same time coming off as too strong, borderline uncomfortable for the other person. On the other, you didn't have real feelings because you didn't 'try' hard enough by letting go. In the end, all you can do is stab life right back and be happy with your decision.
She said and gently pulled me near
If you want to talk you can call
And no it's not your fault
I just smiled and said let go of me
But there's something that I've just gotta know
Did someone else steal my part?
She said it's not my fault
Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I was drifted in between
Like I was on the outside looking in, yeah yeah
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been
Oh yeah, my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head
When I came back she wasn't there
Just a note left on the stairs
If you want to talk give me a call
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
When the one that you want doesn't want you
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
Siberia, Siberia
When the one you want doesn't want you too
------------------------
What happens when the one you want doesn't want you? Or, on the flipside, what if someone wants you and you don't want them? Do you A) Be persistent because you can't help who you want, or B) Let it go because it hurts you too much? Either way, both ways have its consequences. On one hand, you have the idea that you are honest with yourself, but at the same time coming off as too strong, borderline uncomfortable for the other person. On the other, you didn't have real feelings because you didn't 'try' hard enough by letting go. In the end, all you can do is stab life right back and be happy with your decision.
Monday, August 10, 2009
All To Myself
I don't patronize, I realize
I'm losing and this is my real life.
I am half asleep, and I am wide awake.
This habit is always so hard to break.
I don't want to be the bad guy,
I've been blaming myself and I think you know why.
I'm killing time, and time's killing you
Every way that I do.
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
Please just follow me.
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
I'm under the gun, you're like the only one.
I just can't decide what I'm running from.
This isn't what I wanted, but
I can't keep my filthy fucking mouth shut.
It's not enough, it's never enough.
I just can't breathe without getting it stuck.
Can't focus it, but I try it
over and over again.
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
-----------------------
Life has been very active the last couple days. School is definitely taking the lead. I went to the beach on Friday with a few friends from school. It was quite awesome. I was glad that it wasn't as complicated as it could have been. Fizzling interest boy didn't end up going, and old, but not that old boy couldn't make it. So, it was just about nine of us, just chilling out. We spent most of our time playing beach volleyball. Like actual beach volleyball. Swimsuits and everything! Scary but fun at the same time! I'd definitely do that again. Also, this week I had to finish my paper for my psychology class. I've been putting it off for weeks on end. This week was pretty much do or die. Since I failed to complete half of my paper by Friday, it meant that I couldn't go to my friend's party. Instead, I spent my Saturday night at home trying to hash out as much as I could before Sunday. It was a shame missing out on a drinking opportunity. Haha. I didn't have to work on Sunday, which allowed me to complete my paper to my satisfaction. Man, I hate how I procrastinate but I can't help it. Now, I have one final separating me and the rest of my summer! Ahh.
On another note, I've been working a lot more lately, picking up shifts at the Bloor/Yonge Jacob. They're giving me more hours in a week than 4 weeks working at Sherway. It's ridiculous. Either way, it's money in the bank. Once I have that, I can finally apply for OSAP. It's pretty late, but it's inevitable that I'm going to pay interest anyways.
Back to regular life...
I'm losing and this is my real life.
I am half asleep, and I am wide awake.
This habit is always so hard to break.
I don't want to be the bad guy,
I've been blaming myself and I think you know why.
I'm killing time, and time's killing you
Every way that I do.
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
Please just follow me.
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
I'm under the gun, you're like the only one.
I just can't decide what I'm running from.
This isn't what I wanted, but
I can't keep my filthy fucking mouth shut.
It's not enough, it's never enough.
I just can't breathe without getting it stuck.
Can't focus it, but I try it
over and over again.
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
-----------------------
Life has been very active the last couple days. School is definitely taking the lead. I went to the beach on Friday with a few friends from school. It was quite awesome. I was glad that it wasn't as complicated as it could have been. Fizzling interest boy didn't end up going, and old, but not that old boy couldn't make it. So, it was just about nine of us, just chilling out. We spent most of our time playing beach volleyball. Like actual beach volleyball. Swimsuits and everything! Scary but fun at the same time! I'd definitely do that again. Also, this week I had to finish my paper for my psychology class. I've been putting it off for weeks on end. This week was pretty much do or die. Since I failed to complete half of my paper by Friday, it meant that I couldn't go to my friend's party. Instead, I spent my Saturday night at home trying to hash out as much as I could before Sunday. It was a shame missing out on a drinking opportunity. Haha. I didn't have to work on Sunday, which allowed me to complete my paper to my satisfaction. Man, I hate how I procrastinate but I can't help it. Now, I have one final separating me and the rest of my summer! Ahh.
On another note, I've been working a lot more lately, picking up shifts at the Bloor/Yonge Jacob. They're giving me more hours in a week than 4 weeks working at Sherway. It's ridiculous. Either way, it's money in the bank. Once I have that, I can finally apply for OSAP. It's pretty late, but it's inevitable that I'm going to pay interest anyways.
Back to regular life...
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Only Hope
There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope
Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again
And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back
-------------------------
Today, I went to see The Ugly Truth with my friend from class. It was actually better the second time because the audience was better, laughing a lot more at the dirty humour. Haha. After the movie, we had drinks at Jack Astor's (where else? haha). Fun. When it was time to leave, I definitely realized that this guy was only going to be a friend and nothing more. Never, say never. But, I feel strongly about this at this moment. He's like the only guy that I can talk about chick-flicks with, which makes me happy.
Anyways, this Friday is the infamous beach day (turned infamous at about the time of the second delay). Here is where I hope that the fizzling boy interest will make an appearance. If not, fuck him... only kidding. Anyways, I hope that we would be able to get along like there wasn't a giant 5 week hiatus. SHIT. It's been a while. To put this into perspective, old hook up but not boy from New Year's will be there. That won't be weird because I've been in group situations with him before and we're fine. Then, old hook-up but not/3-day boy interest from 4 weeks ago may be there too. I haven't seen him since then and had a total of 5 minutes of conversation since then. Ahh. This whole beach thing could be slightly awkward. I need to get into different circles. Haha. Kidding. Ok, all I can do is just enjoy chilling with friends from school and look hot doing it. Haha. Majorly kidding on that one.
Then, hopefully after work on Saturday, I'll be able to go to my friend's house party, if I can get 3/4 of my pscyh paper done by then (which is due Monday and have yet started).
This week is going to be busy.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope
Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again
And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back
-------------------------
Today, I went to see The Ugly Truth with my friend from class. It was actually better the second time because the audience was better, laughing a lot more at the dirty humour. Haha. After the movie, we had drinks at Jack Astor's (where else? haha). Fun. When it was time to leave, I definitely realized that this guy was only going to be a friend and nothing more. Never, say never. But, I feel strongly about this at this moment. He's like the only guy that I can talk about chick-flicks with, which makes me happy.
Anyways, this Friday is the infamous beach day (turned infamous at about the time of the second delay). Here is where I hope that the fizzling boy interest will make an appearance. If not, fuck him... only kidding. Anyways, I hope that we would be able to get along like there wasn't a giant 5 week hiatus. SHIT. It's been a while. To put this into perspective, old hook up but not boy from New Year's will be there. That won't be weird because I've been in group situations with him before and we're fine. Then, old hook-up but not/3-day boy interest from 4 weeks ago may be there too. I haven't seen him since then and had a total of 5 minutes of conversation since then. Ahh. This whole beach thing could be slightly awkward. I need to get into different circles. Haha. Kidding. Ok, all I can do is just enjoy chilling with friends from school and look hot doing it. Haha. Majorly kidding on that one.
Then, hopefully after work on Saturday, I'll be able to go to my friend's house party, if I can get 3/4 of my pscyh paper done by then (which is due Monday and have yet started).
This week is going to be busy.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Wasted
Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It fell like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it
For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it
I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Another glass of whiskey but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it.
Cause I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while
Hey, yeah,
Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Yeah, yeah
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
-----------------------------
It's been quite a while since I've last written. Not much has happened. As mentioned before, my life is pretty dull. All I can do is try to embrace what life is or isn't throwing at me.
As you all know, I've been taking a summer class this semester. Psychology of Immigration. Fun times, right? Haha, not really. But anyways, my prof has activities that she makes us do activities in small groups. From this, I met this Asian guy. Kinda nerdy. After a couple days, we were messaging each other through Facebook, MSN... and talking in class. I don't think I like him, like him. But conversation is really easy, which doesn't come often with me and boys. It's funny because people always start off in the "friend zone" (except for a couple of people). But who knows. In this process, I'm actually learning a lot about myself and what I want. I know that I don't want to be tied down exactly to a boy at this moment, despite how much I want to feel what it's like to be. I feel like I still need to decide once and for all exactly what I want.
No matter what, I will always have some sort of standard. Every girl has to have standards. Not too high, not too low. I have to be legitimately attracted to the guy, and be able to have a decent conversation to a degree. It cannot be forced. Guys should definitely re-evaluate their approaches. I want to be the simple girl so badly, but I am constantly learning how complicated I always will be.
One thing to note is how girls love being chased, and how guys love the chase. I for one, love being chased. But chased too much is bad, and being chased too little leads me to believe that he's not trying hard enough. I can see why I, or girls in general, are somewhat complicated. Where is that fine line? On the other hand, I somehow like doing a bit of chasing. In my books, chasing is pretty much me trying to hold conversations and pining over a guy. But, when in that rare instance that those feelings are returned, I lose major interest. What the hell? I think that I would still be attracted to this guy, but not be as interested as to pursuing a full-on relationship. I end up letting things fizzle out and die off.
Anyways, this beach thing has been on hiatus for quite a while and hopefully it's this week. I was actually counting on this beach thing to get to know this guy who've I've developed a giant instant crush on when I went to Wonderland at the end of June. Because of the long ass hiatus, my crush has fizzled. I guess I lost interest? Or naturally died off on its own by not being watered enough. Because so much time has gone by, my giant instant crush just ended up being more insignificant than I wanted it to be. But hey, that's life. Either way, I hope that beach thing is this week so I have some time in the sun before summer ends.
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It fell like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it
For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it
I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Another glass of whiskey but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it.
Cause I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while
Hey, yeah,
Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Yeah, yeah
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
-----------------------------
It's been quite a while since I've last written. Not much has happened. As mentioned before, my life is pretty dull. All I can do is try to embrace what life is or isn't throwing at me.
As you all know, I've been taking a summer class this semester. Psychology of Immigration. Fun times, right? Haha, not really. But anyways, my prof has activities that she makes us do activities in small groups. From this, I met this Asian guy. Kinda nerdy. After a couple days, we were messaging each other through Facebook, MSN... and talking in class. I don't think I like him, like him. But conversation is really easy, which doesn't come often with me and boys. It's funny because people always start off in the "friend zone" (except for a couple of people). But who knows. In this process, I'm actually learning a lot about myself and what I want. I know that I don't want to be tied down exactly to a boy at this moment, despite how much I want to feel what it's like to be. I feel like I still need to decide once and for all exactly what I want.
No matter what, I will always have some sort of standard. Every girl has to have standards. Not too high, not too low. I have to be legitimately attracted to the guy, and be able to have a decent conversation to a degree. It cannot be forced. Guys should definitely re-evaluate their approaches. I want to be the simple girl so badly, but I am constantly learning how complicated I always will be.
One thing to note is how girls love being chased, and how guys love the chase. I for one, love being chased. But chased too much is bad, and being chased too little leads me to believe that he's not trying hard enough. I can see why I, or girls in general, are somewhat complicated. Where is that fine line? On the other hand, I somehow like doing a bit of chasing. In my books, chasing is pretty much me trying to hold conversations and pining over a guy. But, when in that rare instance that those feelings are returned, I lose major interest. What the hell? I think that I would still be attracted to this guy, but not be as interested as to pursuing a full-on relationship. I end up letting things fizzle out and die off.
Anyways, this beach thing has been on hiatus for quite a while and hopefully it's this week. I was actually counting on this beach thing to get to know this guy who've I've developed a giant instant crush on when I went to Wonderland at the end of June. Because of the long ass hiatus, my crush has fizzled. I guess I lost interest? Or naturally died off on its own by not being watered enough. Because so much time has gone by, my giant instant crush just ended up being more insignificant than I wanted it to be. But hey, that's life. Either way, I hope that beach thing is this week so I have some time in the sun before summer ends.
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