The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may of failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh
But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cuz talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When your asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find
-------------------------------------
This is my new song. Take a listen.
The last three days have been hectic. Busy shoppers = Crazy Anita. Well, not really. I just wanted to shoot myself afterward, figuratively of course. But the next four days I have off work, which is awesome downtime for me. All I really wanna do is just curl up and read a book or watch a movie. The latter will most likely happen. I've discovered that DVDs are the perfect gift for me when I take interest in the subject. So no documentaries or "Pride and Prejudice". Oh god. I spent 2 hours of my life watching that on TV yesterday... I read the book too... just as unentertaining. Now I wait for "Pineapple Express" to come to DVD on January 6th. Draw a pineapple in your calendars!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Winter Passing
It's winter again.
A white-washed and frozen...sky.
I came to the door,
Eyes maladjusted...from the light,
But your voice rang clear.
You said, "For all I thought I'd ever need,
It's hard to face the holidays without."
Well I've left my last message on your machine.
It's hard to face the holidays
When you're looking for the words to say.
When you're looking for the words to say.
So you've found a friend,
To spend all your cold nights with him,
But if I was there
Then I'd wonder why,
You still wear my jacket
Closed with traces of my scent.
And I said, "For all I thought I'd ever need,
It's hard to face the holidays without."
Well I've left my last message in your machine.
It's hard to face the holidays,
When you're looking for the words to say.
So stay with me here.
Nose to nose,
Cold enough to see as our breath
Slowly escapes and exchanges...
From my lungs to yours,
From your mouth to mine.
For all I thought I'd ever need,
It's hard to face the holidays without.
Well I've left my last message on your machine.
It's hard to face the holidays
When you're looking for the words to say
(stay with me here
Nose to nose,
Cold enough to see as our breath)
When you're looking for the words to say.
When you're looking for the words to say.
(stay with me here
Nose to nose,
Cold enough to see as our breath)
When you're looking for the words to say.
When you're looking for the words to say.
------------------------------------------
It's Christmas Eve. For the past few weeks I have never been in much of a holiday mood. But what got me through exams was thinking about the holidays. Once that had passed, I was stressed out about work, finding out grades, other extracurricular things that the holiday spirit within me broke. I couldn't have cared less and by the time December 23rd came along, "Oh, Christmas is in two days...". But today changed everything.
Although it was indeed Christmas eve, I was able to spend it with my family, mainly my mom and sister. Nothing was really planned. I woke up from what was pretty much the worst night in a really long time, in which I had barely any sleep, could barely eat, and had to shovel my driveway. It took me an incredibly long time considering the heavy snowfall and the rain that occurred after, making the snow even more difficult to shove aside. Anyways, after about an hour and 15 minutes, I was all done. Showered. Then, my mom, sister, and I ended up doing a bit of last minute Christmas shopping at Square One. It was an awful long time since the last time we actually spent some time together. And I just thought it was quite nice. I needed it. In either case, we ended up pretty much creating an itinerary for the rest of the day. We ended up buying a gingerbread train set which was pretty awesome compared to the gingerbread houses out there. We decided that we wanted to make holiday cookies and we're in search of a package of sugar cookie mix. However, everywhere we went, they were all out or didn't have any of the kind we wanted. After our wasted search we headed home to start with the rest of the night. When we got home, my sister remembered that we had a package of cookie mix somewhere.. but didn't exactly know where. After digging through some mysterious boxes, we found it. Cookies were officially on the to-do list of the night. Anyways, after that my mom had already prepared a bit of our holiday dinner beforehand, and had to continue to make the rest when we got home. Mash potatoes, gravy, roast beef, and mixed veggies. Mmmm. While my mom was doing that, my sister and I decided to go ahead with the construction and designing of our train. We were a delayed a little bit because we had to mix three colours of icing. Once that was done, we were ok to go and decorate. It was a little harder than I would have expected because the icing was a little runny. Oh well. None the less, all the pieces were decorated within probably an hour or so. It was pretty fun. Some parts were decorated pretty decently, while others should have been cast aside. While waiting for the pieces to dry, we had dinner, as a family, but minus my brother because he had to work. We hadn't had a sit down dinner in probably a year. It was actually pretty nice. People were making fun of each other. Me and my sister ganging up and poking fun at my dad. Me and my dad ganging up and insulting my sister. It was awesome. How lame do I seriously sound? Anyways, dinner was over and done with, so time to check on the trains. Everything seemed to have hardened, so we decided to try to assemble it together. After probably a good 20 mins trying to get the first cart together, we gave up. Nothing was sticking. There wasn't any sort of "tray". I am convinced that the one on the box is stuck together with actual glue. Anyways, we gave up and decided to put all the pieces on a nice cookie plate. After that fiasco, time to bake cookies! Going back, on our shopping trip, we dropped by Walmart in search of cookie cutters. We went to the baking isle and all they had were empty racks, in which the cookie cutters would be, and one lone teddy shaped cookie cutter. I dubbed him the holiday bear and had to buy him. We later found Christmas cookie cutters in a package on a completely non-related isle. Anyways, time to bake cookies. The mix was way too soft so we added more flour than the package suggested. We rolled out the dough, cookie cutted it, and baked. I probably had at least 10 holiday bears. But then something was weird with our oven and kept burning the cookies. None the less, it was fun. And bonus of the day, Chronicles of Narnia was on TV while we were baking.
In the end, no holiday cookies and no cool gingerbread train, but memories to last. I guess I've learned that you don't really have to try hard to have that perfect Christmas. Somehow, it just happens, which makes it all the more special. Throughout the year, families are always busy. I hardly ever see mine all at the same time. Work, school, and life just happens to always keep us apart. But being together, this day, just this once can make up for one entire year (even though my brother wasn't present xD). I probably couldn't ask for it to go any better.
So, I just want to wish you all a very happy holiday, and best wishes in the New Year.
A white-washed and frozen...sky.
I came to the door,
Eyes maladjusted...from the light,
But your voice rang clear.
You said, "For all I thought I'd ever need,
It's hard to face the holidays without."
Well I've left my last message on your machine.
It's hard to face the holidays
When you're looking for the words to say.
When you're looking for the words to say.
So you've found a friend,
To spend all your cold nights with him,
But if I was there
Then I'd wonder why,
You still wear my jacket
Closed with traces of my scent.
And I said, "For all I thought I'd ever need,
It's hard to face the holidays without."
Well I've left my last message in your machine.
It's hard to face the holidays,
When you're looking for the words to say.
So stay with me here.
Nose to nose,
Cold enough to see as our breath
Slowly escapes and exchanges...
From my lungs to yours,
From your mouth to mine.
For all I thought I'd ever need,
It's hard to face the holidays without.
Well I've left my last message on your machine.
It's hard to face the holidays
When you're looking for the words to say
(stay with me here
Nose to nose,
Cold enough to see as our breath)
When you're looking for the words to say.
When you're looking for the words to say.
(stay with me here
Nose to nose,
Cold enough to see as our breath)
When you're looking for the words to say.
When you're looking for the words to say.
------------------------------------------
It's Christmas Eve. For the past few weeks I have never been in much of a holiday mood. But what got me through exams was thinking about the holidays. Once that had passed, I was stressed out about work, finding out grades, other extracurricular things that the holiday spirit within me broke. I couldn't have cared less and by the time December 23rd came along, "Oh, Christmas is in two days...". But today changed everything.
Although it was indeed Christmas eve, I was able to spend it with my family, mainly my mom and sister. Nothing was really planned. I woke up from what was pretty much the worst night in a really long time, in which I had barely any sleep, could barely eat, and had to shovel my driveway. It took me an incredibly long time considering the heavy snowfall and the rain that occurred after, making the snow even more difficult to shove aside. Anyways, after about an hour and 15 minutes, I was all done. Showered. Then, my mom, sister, and I ended up doing a bit of last minute Christmas shopping at Square One. It was an awful long time since the last time we actually spent some time together. And I just thought it was quite nice. I needed it. In either case, we ended up pretty much creating an itinerary for the rest of the day. We ended up buying a gingerbread train set which was pretty awesome compared to the gingerbread houses out there. We decided that we wanted to make holiday cookies and we're in search of a package of sugar cookie mix. However, everywhere we went, they were all out or didn't have any of the kind we wanted. After our wasted search we headed home to start with the rest of the night. When we got home, my sister remembered that we had a package of cookie mix somewhere.. but didn't exactly know where. After digging through some mysterious boxes, we found it. Cookies were officially on the to-do list of the night. Anyways, after that my mom had already prepared a bit of our holiday dinner beforehand, and had to continue to make the rest when we got home. Mash potatoes, gravy, roast beef, and mixed veggies. Mmmm. While my mom was doing that, my sister and I decided to go ahead with the construction and designing of our train. We were a delayed a little bit because we had to mix three colours of icing. Once that was done, we were ok to go and decorate. It was a little harder than I would have expected because the icing was a little runny. Oh well. None the less, all the pieces were decorated within probably an hour or so. It was pretty fun. Some parts were decorated pretty decently, while others should have been cast aside. While waiting for the pieces to dry, we had dinner, as a family, but minus my brother because he had to work. We hadn't had a sit down dinner in probably a year. It was actually pretty nice. People were making fun of each other. Me and my sister ganging up and poking fun at my dad. Me and my dad ganging up and insulting my sister. It was awesome. How lame do I seriously sound? Anyways, dinner was over and done with, so time to check on the trains. Everything seemed to have hardened, so we decided to try to assemble it together. After probably a good 20 mins trying to get the first cart together, we gave up. Nothing was sticking. There wasn't any sort of "tray". I am convinced that the one on the box is stuck together with actual glue. Anyways, we gave up and decided to put all the pieces on a nice cookie plate. After that fiasco, time to bake cookies! Going back, on our shopping trip, we dropped by Walmart in search of cookie cutters. We went to the baking isle and all they had were empty racks, in which the cookie cutters would be, and one lone teddy shaped cookie cutter. I dubbed him the holiday bear and had to buy him. We later found Christmas cookie cutters in a package on a completely non-related isle. Anyways, time to bake cookies. The mix was way too soft so we added more flour than the package suggested. We rolled out the dough, cookie cutted it, and baked. I probably had at least 10 holiday bears. But then something was weird with our oven and kept burning the cookies. None the less, it was fun. And bonus of the day, Chronicles of Narnia was on TV while we were baking.
In the end, no holiday cookies and no cool gingerbread train, but memories to last. I guess I've learned that you don't really have to try hard to have that perfect Christmas. Somehow, it just happens, which makes it all the more special. Throughout the year, families are always busy. I hardly ever see mine all at the same time. Work, school, and life just happens to always keep us apart. But being together, this day, just this once can make up for one entire year (even though my brother wasn't present xD). I probably couldn't ask for it to go any better.
So, I just want to wish you all a very happy holiday, and best wishes in the New Year.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Perfect Christmas
Hello friend, it's me again
I just called to tell you,
Even though I miss you so
I've been thinking of you
All my dreams are coming true, at last
The perfect ending to a wonderful year
Will be to celebrate the good times with you here
Cuz I know,
For sure,
I never wanted anything more
The greatest gift that there could be
Wrapped underneath my Christmas tree
Would be the same my whole life through
I'd spend the perfect Christmas with you
Though the winter seems so long
My faith in love has kept me strong
So if I had a wish come true
I'd send the perfect Christmas with you
I can't wait
Till the day
When I finally see you
So hold on
I wont be long
Got so much to show you
All our dreams are coming true at last...ooh
The perfect ending to a wonderful year
Would be celebrate the good times with you here
Cuz I know
For sure
I never wanted anything more
The greatest gift that there could be
Wrapped underneath my Christmas tree
Would be the same my whole life through
I'd spend the perfect Christmas with you
So when you ask me what I mean
To me the Christmas is complete
Boy can't you see
You're the one thing missing for me
The greatest gift that there could be
Wrapped underneath my Christmas tree
Would be the same my whole life through
I'd spend the perfect Christmas with you
Though the winter seems so long
My faith in love has kept me strong
So if I had a wish come true
I'd spend the perfect Christmas....
And if I had one wish come true....
I'd spend the perfect Christmas here....
with you
-------------------------
I spent the day watching only the halves of movies. I don't know why, but I just got bored. I first started off with Jumper, seemed interesting. Then, I watched Love Actually. It was quite nice. I was all snuggled up in what probably was four blankets on my living room couch. The sky kept getting darker and I was more tired than I was supposed to be. Anyways, at about the part where they had the company Christmas party, I turned off my TV and went to bed.
After my sleep, I woke up with a minor panic attack. I'm not exactly sure what scientifically a panic attack is, but anyways, I felt a surge of stress and felt a bit overheated. Mind you, that could've been caused by my heater and three blankets. Back in the day, I've always wanted to move out by the time I am 22. With the new year and all, my new year's resolution is to save money for my goal of repaying my enormous OSAP loan, and primarily to move out. I have to come up with at least $20,000 by graduation. I'm going to have to cut things down dramatically. I have 1.5 years to make $20,000. After waking up, I had a sudden "What the fuck am I going to do?" moment. I'm going to have to work a minimum of 5 shifts a week, try to find an internship position/higher paying job, and study like mad to build my educational background. I need to limit my spending bi-weekly, and start an "untouchable account" for a bit. Fuck, I hate money issues. I don't know how people do it.
I just called to tell you,
Even though I miss you so
I've been thinking of you
All my dreams are coming true, at last
The perfect ending to a wonderful year
Will be to celebrate the good times with you here
Cuz I know,
For sure,
I never wanted anything more
The greatest gift that there could be
Wrapped underneath my Christmas tree
Would be the same my whole life through
I'd spend the perfect Christmas with you
Though the winter seems so long
My faith in love has kept me strong
So if I had a wish come true
I'd send the perfect Christmas with you
I can't wait
Till the day
When I finally see you
So hold on
I wont be long
Got so much to show you
All our dreams are coming true at last...ooh
The perfect ending to a wonderful year
Would be celebrate the good times with you here
Cuz I know
For sure
I never wanted anything more
The greatest gift that there could be
Wrapped underneath my Christmas tree
Would be the same my whole life through
I'd spend the perfect Christmas with you
So when you ask me what I mean
To me the Christmas is complete
Boy can't you see
You're the one thing missing for me
The greatest gift that there could be
Wrapped underneath my Christmas tree
Would be the same my whole life through
I'd spend the perfect Christmas with you
Though the winter seems so long
My faith in love has kept me strong
So if I had a wish come true
I'd spend the perfect Christmas....
And if I had one wish come true....
I'd spend the perfect Christmas here....
with you
-------------------------
I spent the day watching only the halves of movies. I don't know why, but I just got bored. I first started off with Jumper, seemed interesting. Then, I watched Love Actually. It was quite nice. I was all snuggled up in what probably was four blankets on my living room couch. The sky kept getting darker and I was more tired than I was supposed to be. Anyways, at about the part where they had the company Christmas party, I turned off my TV and went to bed.
After my sleep, I woke up with a minor panic attack. I'm not exactly sure what scientifically a panic attack is, but anyways, I felt a surge of stress and felt a bit overheated. Mind you, that could've been caused by my heater and three blankets. Back in the day, I've always wanted to move out by the time I am 22. With the new year and all, my new year's resolution is to save money for my goal of repaying my enormous OSAP loan, and primarily to move out. I have to come up with at least $20,000 by graduation. I'm going to have to cut things down dramatically. I have 1.5 years to make $20,000. After waking up, I had a sudden "What the fuck am I going to do?" moment. I'm going to have to work a minimum of 5 shifts a week, try to find an internship position/higher paying job, and study like mad to build my educational background. I need to limit my spending bi-weekly, and start an "untouchable account" for a bit. Fuck, I hate money issues. I don't know how people do it.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Taxi Driver
I took cutie for a ride in my deathcab
She tipped me with a kiss I dropped her off at the meth lab
Before she left she made a dashboard confessional
And spilled her guts in cursive but whats worse is
I could still see her bright eyes like sunny day real estate
Oh my and in a funny way the ceiling tastes
So high but no chance
My little chemical romance left a bad taste in my mouth
But I approached her like hey mercedes why the long face
Why you cryin? theres no need
Just put on this coheed and fallout
Boy meets girl jimmy eat world
But Schlep eats pills till hes all out
Not once not twice she was thrice times a lady
Mackin on brand new, but I had to
Bounce over to the postal service to
Pick up these pills that take care of my nervousness
And all the way I saw planes and mistook 'em for stars
She played games but she took em too far
At the drive in
Watching soft porn and you can tell
By the trail of the dead, that there was somethin in the popcorn
I hop in my cab destination midtown
Just to get up with some kids that like to get down
I'd made my rounds and that was that
In between the frowns and scraps and heart attacks
And I remember I seen her ass in early November
On a Thursday taking back Sunday for a refund
She shot a wink like no hard feelings
Then she jetted to brazil man them pills had me spun
This is the story of the year right here
This is hot water music
Put ya ramen into it
-----------------------------
I didn't notice bands in it til recently. Way to be slow. I could only pick out a few of em.. then got a bit of help from a thing called Google. Great invention.
She tipped me with a kiss I dropped her off at the meth lab
Before she left she made a dashboard confessional
And spilled her guts in cursive but whats worse is
I could still see her bright eyes like sunny day real estate
Oh my and in a funny way the ceiling tastes
So high but no chance
My little chemical romance left a bad taste in my mouth
But I approached her like hey mercedes why the long face
Why you cryin? theres no need
Just put on this coheed and fallout
Boy meets girl jimmy eat world
But Schlep eats pills till hes all out
Not once not twice she was thrice times a lady
Mackin on brand new, but I had to
Bounce over to the postal service to
Pick up these pills that take care of my nervousness
And all the way I saw planes and mistook 'em for stars
She played games but she took em too far
At the drive in
Watching soft porn and you can tell
By the trail of the dead, that there was somethin in the popcorn
I hop in my cab destination midtown
Just to get up with some kids that like to get down
I'd made my rounds and that was that
In between the frowns and scraps and heart attacks
And I remember I seen her ass in early November
On a Thursday taking back Sunday for a refund
She shot a wink like no hard feelings
Then she jetted to brazil man them pills had me spun
This is the story of the year right here
This is hot water music
Put ya ramen into it
-----------------------------
I didn't notice bands in it til recently. Way to be slow. I could only pick out a few of em.. then got a bit of help from a thing called Google. Great invention.
Friday, December 19, 2008
So She Dances
A waltz when she walks in the room
She pulls back the hair from her face
She turns to the window to sway in the moonlight
Even her shadow has grace
A waltz for the girl out of reach
She lifts her hands up to the sky
She moves with the music
The song is her lover
The melody's making her cry
So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently
A waltz for the chance I should take
But how will I know where to start?
She's spinning between constellations and dreams
Her rhythm is my beating heart
So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently
I can't keep on watching forever
I'd give up this view just to tell her
When I close my eyes I can see
The spotlights are bright on you and me
We've got the floor
And you're in my arms
How could I ask for more?
So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently
I can't keep on watching forever
And I'm givin' up this view just to tell her
---------------------------------
I want you to stop pretending. Stop pretending so everyone else feels sorry for you. So you can build yourself up. Stop pretending you don't see it when clearly you can. You don't know that it hurts me. I'm too much of a coward to tell you that. Fuck. Blame everyone else, but all the blame falls on yourself. Too much of my life has been in the shadows of yours. It's time to let the sun fucking shine through. I hate that you can't see what it's doing to me. But, I'm afraid that if I don't encourage you to do what you do, that I will become you. I see what you've become and I don't want it. In the end, I want to stop pretending that it's ok. It's not fucking ok.
She pulls back the hair from her face
She turns to the window to sway in the moonlight
Even her shadow has grace
A waltz for the girl out of reach
She lifts her hands up to the sky
She moves with the music
The song is her lover
The melody's making her cry
So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently
A waltz for the chance I should take
But how will I know where to start?
She's spinning between constellations and dreams
Her rhythm is my beating heart
So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently
I can't keep on watching forever
I'd give up this view just to tell her
When I close my eyes I can see
The spotlights are bright on you and me
We've got the floor
And you're in my arms
How could I ask for more?
So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently
I can't keep on watching forever
And I'm givin' up this view just to tell her
---------------------------------
I want you to stop pretending. Stop pretending so everyone else feels sorry for you. So you can build yourself up. Stop pretending you don't see it when clearly you can. You don't know that it hurts me. I'm too much of a coward to tell you that. Fuck. Blame everyone else, but all the blame falls on yourself. Too much of my life has been in the shadows of yours. It's time to let the sun fucking shine through. I hate that you can't see what it's doing to me. But, I'm afraid that if I don't encourage you to do what you do, that I will become you. I see what you've become and I don't want it. In the end, I want to stop pretending that it's ok. It's not fucking ok.
Leave Out All The Rest
I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared
But no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear
What am I leaving when I'm done here?
So if you're asking me, I want you to know
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest, don't be afraid
I've taken my beating, I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect, but neither have you
So if you're asking me, I want you to know
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are
---------------------------
As much as I've said and wanted it, this year is nothing different. Holidays are ending up as they usually do. Full of nothing special and going by way too fast. Full of stress that shouldn't be there. Expectations turned disappointments. Every year it ends up being the fucking same no matter how much I am trying to will it not to be. I wish to be anywhere but here. Anywhere.
I always want what I can't have.
Happiness isn't for me. If you knew, you would turn away. Don't say you won't because I know you'll be lying. No wonder why the Christmas season has the most suicides.
D. It is written
But no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear
What am I leaving when I'm done here?
So if you're asking me, I want you to know
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest, don't be afraid
I've taken my beating, I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect, but neither have you
So if you're asking me, I want you to know
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are
---------------------------
As much as I've said and wanted it, this year is nothing different. Holidays are ending up as they usually do. Full of nothing special and going by way too fast. Full of stress that shouldn't be there. Expectations turned disappointments. Every year it ends up being the fucking same no matter how much I am trying to will it not to be. I wish to be anywhere but here. Anywhere.
I always want what I can't have.
Happiness isn't for me. If you knew, you would turn away. Don't say you won't because I know you'll be lying. No wonder why the Christmas season has the most suicides.
D. It is written
Saturday, December 13, 2008
I Want You To Want Me
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt.
I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me.
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'.
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
I'll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt.
I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me.
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'.
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'.
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
------------------------------------
I am so fucking bored. Although I always wish that I don't get called into work for a rain shift, I am unbelievably bored. So, I sit here blogging and watching "10 Things I Hate About You". High school life was nothing compared to the movies is all I have to say.
I can't fall into old patterns. Don't do it.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt.
I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me.
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'.
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
I'll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt.
I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me.
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'.
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'.
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
------------------------------------
I am so fucking bored. Although I always wish that I don't get called into work for a rain shift, I am unbelievably bored. So, I sit here blogging and watching "10 Things I Hate About You". High school life was nothing compared to the movies is all I have to say.
I can't fall into old patterns. Don't do it.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The Call
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
Till it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it, too
Doesn't means that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Till they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye bye
------------------------------------
I just bought "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian" on DVD. I'm so psyched to watch it and fall in love with Narnia... and Prince Caspian again. Yay for imaginary lands and princes that are too hot for their own good.
Which then grew into hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
Till it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it, too
Doesn't means that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Till they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye bye
------------------------------------
I just bought "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian" on DVD. I'm so psyched to watch it and fall in love with Narnia... and Prince Caspian again. Yay for imaginary lands and princes that are too hot for their own good.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Safe To Say
We watched the sunset and we told ourselves to never forget,
Just how good it felt to be surrounded
By a town that we knew like the back of our hands.
We felt alive, hoped for the very first time
Is it safe to say in the morning you'll come back
And things will be the same?
'Cause since the day you left, you know I've
Had a hard time and I want you to know
If you hear these words, won't you please just come back?
It's been a year now
But I still appreciate the sundown.
It reminds me somehow things will work out
And I'll fall to your arms, just like I'd always do
It felt so good, it was the very first time I felt alive.
Yeah, so alive.
Is it safe to say in the morning you'll come back
And things will be the same
'Cause since the day you left, you know I've
Had a hard time and I want you to know
If you hear these words, won't you please just come back?
If I could sing this out loud, I'd scream it to the clouds.
And everyone in this town would know what I'm about.
Rather die than feel this pain take me over again.
It's so hard to let you go.
Is it safe to say?
Is it safe to say in the morning you'll come back
And things will be the same?
'Cause since the day you left, you know I've
Had a hard time and I want you to know
If you hear these words, won't you please just come back?
---------------------------------------
I blame others when every decision was made by me. Time is ticking and it's wasting away doing nothing, keeping me here at the same spot time and time again. I'm here because of what I chose to do, thinking it will work itself out. I need to own up and make better decisions that will get me where I need to be. I can't blame fate because it's my fault. Focus on the end and don't stop until I get there. Think forward, regret less.
Fuck you.
Just how good it felt to be surrounded
By a town that we knew like the back of our hands.
We felt alive, hoped for the very first time
Is it safe to say in the morning you'll come back
And things will be the same?
'Cause since the day you left, you know I've
Had a hard time and I want you to know
If you hear these words, won't you please just come back?
It's been a year now
But I still appreciate the sundown.
It reminds me somehow things will work out
And I'll fall to your arms, just like I'd always do
It felt so good, it was the very first time I felt alive.
Yeah, so alive.
Is it safe to say in the morning you'll come back
And things will be the same
'Cause since the day you left, you know I've
Had a hard time and I want you to know
If you hear these words, won't you please just come back?
If I could sing this out loud, I'd scream it to the clouds.
And everyone in this town would know what I'm about.
Rather die than feel this pain take me over again.
It's so hard to let you go.
Is it safe to say?
Is it safe to say in the morning you'll come back
And things will be the same?
'Cause since the day you left, you know I've
Had a hard time and I want you to know
If you hear these words, won't you please just come back?
---------------------------------------
I blame others when every decision was made by me. Time is ticking and it's wasting away doing nothing, keeping me here at the same spot time and time again. I'm here because of what I chose to do, thinking it will work itself out. I need to own up and make better decisions that will get me where I need to be. I can't blame fate because it's my fault. Focus on the end and don't stop until I get there. Think forward, regret less.
Fuck you.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
May Your Heart
May your heart be never alone when
The dawn's breaking
May your life be a rolling stone when
The ground starts shaking
And the world is waking
All I can tell you is to know who you are
And if they hurt you they can never do you harm
And if you want to you can love 'em till
The cold turns warm
May your kiss always feel like the first kisses
And may your truth help you heal
May you catch big fishes and get all your wishes
All I can tell you is to know who you are...
If you want me (I will be there)
If you need me (I will be there)
If you want me (I will be there)
Can you hear me?
If you're waiting (I will be there)
Your heart's aching (I will be there)
If you need me (I will be there)
Can you hear me?
And when you're lonely (I will be there)
When you call me (I will be there)
If you need me (I will be there)
Believe me I'm going nowhere
May your heart be never alone.
---------------------------------
May your heart be never alone.
The dawn's breaking
May your life be a rolling stone when
The ground starts shaking
And the world is waking
All I can tell you is to know who you are
And if they hurt you they can never do you harm
And if you want to you can love 'em till
The cold turns warm
May your kiss always feel like the first kisses
And may your truth help you heal
May you catch big fishes and get all your wishes
All I can tell you is to know who you are...
If you want me (I will be there)
If you need me (I will be there)
If you want me (I will be there)
Can you hear me?
If you're waiting (I will be there)
Your heart's aching (I will be there)
If you need me (I will be there)
Can you hear me?
And when you're lonely (I will be there)
When you call me (I will be there)
If you need me (I will be there)
Believe me I'm going nowhere
May your heart be never alone.
---------------------------------
May your heart be never alone.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Believe
Children sleeping, snow is softly falling
Dreams are calling like bells in the distance
We were dreamers not so long ago
But one by one we all had to grow up
When it seems the magic's slipped away
We find it all again on Christmas day
Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that's playing
There's no time to waste
There's so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside
And give your dreams the wings to fly
You have everything you need
If you just believe
Trains move quickly to their journey's end
Destinations are where we begin again
Ships go sailing far across the sea
Trusting starlight to get where they need to be
When it seems that we have lost our way
We find ourselves again on Christmas day
Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that's playing
There's no time to waste
There's so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside
And give your dreams the wings to fly
You have everything you need
If you just believe
Just believe
---------------------------------------
And so let the Christmas celebrating begin...
I finished 3/4 exams and time to relax just a bit. For the past 4 days straight, I have been studying for my exams... for Wednesday, Friday, and today. So sad my life has become. Christmas is coming slowly but surely. I'm watching The Family Stone right now, and I'm so excited since my next exam is four days from now. Then time to read and have some time to sleep! I love sleep. I loveeee sleep. Enough about that.
So today I decide to be cute and all and wear tights with a dress and no socks in my shoes. Who knew it would be unbelievably fucking cold. But no worries, my feet are still intact. As I got off the bus on the way home, it started snowing. Not the chunky, flaky kind. It was the small, barely-a-snowflake kind, fluttering slowly with the wind. Just the early signs of what winter has to offer. It was quite relaxing, despite the coldness against my legs. Quite beautiful really. Just solids that have been to the skies and back, disappearing once the wind has taken it where it had to go. So that's my story about snow. I usually hate snow. But not today.
Update: A shitload of snow just fell.
Dreams are calling like bells in the distance
We were dreamers not so long ago
But one by one we all had to grow up
When it seems the magic's slipped away
We find it all again on Christmas day
Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that's playing
There's no time to waste
There's so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside
And give your dreams the wings to fly
You have everything you need
If you just believe
Trains move quickly to their journey's end
Destinations are where we begin again
Ships go sailing far across the sea
Trusting starlight to get where they need to be
When it seems that we have lost our way
We find ourselves again on Christmas day
Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that's playing
There's no time to waste
There's so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside
And give your dreams the wings to fly
You have everything you need
If you just believe
Just believe
---------------------------------------
And so let the Christmas celebrating begin...
I finished 3/4 exams and time to relax just a bit. For the past 4 days straight, I have been studying for my exams... for Wednesday, Friday, and today. So sad my life has become. Christmas is coming slowly but surely. I'm watching The Family Stone right now, and I'm so excited since my next exam is four days from now. Then time to read and have some time to sleep! I love sleep. I loveeee sleep. Enough about that.
So today I decide to be cute and all and wear tights with a dress and no socks in my shoes. Who knew it would be unbelievably fucking cold. But no worries, my feet are still intact. As I got off the bus on the way home, it started snowing. Not the chunky, flaky kind. It was the small, barely-a-snowflake kind, fluttering slowly with the wind. Just the early signs of what winter has to offer. It was quite relaxing, despite the coldness against my legs. Quite beautiful really. Just solids that have been to the skies and back, disappearing once the wind has taken it where it had to go. So that's my story about snow. I usually hate snow. But not today.
Update: A shitload of snow just fell.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Fearless
There's something about the way
The street looks when it's just rained
There’s a glow off the pavement
You walk me to the car
And you know I want to ask you to dance right there
In the middle of the parking lot
Yeah
We're drivin' down the road
I wonder if you know
I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool
Run your hands through your hair
Absentmindedly makin' me want you
And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless
So baby drive slow
‘Til we run out of road in this one horse town
I wanna stay right here in this passenger’s seat
You put your eyes on me
In this moment now capture it, remember it
and I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I’d dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless
Well you stood there with me in the doorway
My hands shake
I'm not usually this way but
You pull me in and I’m a little more brave
It’s the first kiss,
It's flawless,
Really something,
It’s fearless.
Oh yeah
Cuz I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless
oh, oh
---------------------------------
It's hard to say that I am afraid. Run and never look back. I'll let you know how it turns out.
The street looks when it's just rained
There’s a glow off the pavement
You walk me to the car
And you know I want to ask you to dance right there
In the middle of the parking lot
Yeah
We're drivin' down the road
I wonder if you know
I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool
Run your hands through your hair
Absentmindedly makin' me want you
And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless
So baby drive slow
‘Til we run out of road in this one horse town
I wanna stay right here in this passenger’s seat
You put your eyes on me
In this moment now capture it, remember it
and I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I’d dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless
Well you stood there with me in the doorway
My hands shake
I'm not usually this way but
You pull me in and I’m a little more brave
It’s the first kiss,
It's flawless,
Really something,
It’s fearless.
Oh yeah
Cuz I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless
oh, oh
---------------------------------
It's hard to say that I am afraid. Run and never look back. I'll let you know how it turns out.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Lullaby
Didn’t they teach you?
Everything’s okay if you settle enough?
Forget your dreams
Let’s pretend I’m everything you want me to be
Complicated breathing
You never had the guts just to throw me away
Life moves slow
When everything’s a worse version of what you need
And I’m just the ground
That you happened to fall on
When you lost your balance walking around in the rain
And you got to your feet
Scratched your head and started to gather
The life that you dropped all around me
I can’t fight for a graveyard anymore
Some people have their money
To keep their legs pumping away at the ground
What moves me is fear
That I'll always be alone at the end of the day (at the end of the day)
And I’m just the ground
That you happened to fall on
When you lost your balance walking around in the rain
And you got to your feet
Scratched your head and started to gather
The life that you dropped all around me
I can’t fight for a graveyard
I can’t fight for a graveyard anymore
I’m just the ground
That you happened to fall on
I’m just the ground
I’m just the ground
I’m just the ground
And I’m just the ground
That you happened to fall on
When you lost your balance walking around in the rain
And you got to your feet
Scratched your head and started to gather
The life that you dropped all around me
I’m just the ground
I’m just the ground
I’m just the ground
I’m just the ground
I can’t fight for a graveyard anymore
---------------------------------
How do I keep the light from disappearing in your eyes, when you want it to?
Everything’s okay if you settle enough?
Forget your dreams
Let’s pretend I’m everything you want me to be
Complicated breathing
You never had the guts just to throw me away
Life moves slow
When everything’s a worse version of what you need
And I’m just the ground
That you happened to fall on
When you lost your balance walking around in the rain
And you got to your feet
Scratched your head and started to gather
The life that you dropped all around me
I can’t fight for a graveyard anymore
Some people have their money
To keep their legs pumping away at the ground
What moves me is fear
That I'll always be alone at the end of the day (at the end of the day)
And I’m just the ground
That you happened to fall on
When you lost your balance walking around in the rain
And you got to your feet
Scratched your head and started to gather
The life that you dropped all around me
I can’t fight for a graveyard
I can’t fight for a graveyard anymore
I’m just the ground
That you happened to fall on
I’m just the ground
I’m just the ground
I’m just the ground
And I’m just the ground
That you happened to fall on
When you lost your balance walking around in the rain
And you got to your feet
Scratched your head and started to gather
The life that you dropped all around me
I’m just the ground
I’m just the ground
I’m just the ground
I’m just the ground
I can’t fight for a graveyard anymore
---------------------------------
How do I keep the light from disappearing in your eyes, when you want it to?
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