Untouchable like a distant diamond sky, Mmmm
I'm reaching out and I just can't tell you why
I'm caught up in you, I'm caught up in you
Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun
And when you're close I feel like coming undone
In the middle of the night
When I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars
Spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on
Say that we'll be together
Come on, come on
Little taste of Heaven
It's half full and I won't wait here all day
I know you're saying that you'll be here anyway
But you're untouchable
Burning brighter than the sun
Now that you're closer, feel like coming undone
In the middle of the night
When I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars
Spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on
Say that we'll be together
Come on, come on
Oh, In the middle of the night
We could form this dream
I wanna feel you by my side
Standing next to me
You gotta come on, come on
Say that we'll be together
Come on, come on
Little taste of Heaven
Oh, oh I'm caught up in you
Oh, oh, oh
Untouchable burning brighter than the sun
And when you're close I feel like coming undone
In the middle of the night
When I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars
Spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on
Say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, oh oh
Oh, Oh, In the middle of the night
We could form this dream
I wanna feel you by my side
Standing next to me
You gotta come on, come on
Say that we'll be together
Come on, come on
Little taste of Heaven
------------------------
I read this on Missed Connections. Just thought it summed up what I feel at times.
------------------------
"I wish I could stop thinking about you.. even now after everything that has happened; something inside me still wants to be in your arms, wants to gaze in your eyes, wants to have that special place in your heart. However, you never really thought I was of any value, never got to know who I was as a person. I know that despite being nothing like how you imagined your future life partner; I have a heart of gold, one you send back into the great depths of the metaphoric black hole. I do take responsibility though, as I allowed you to hurt me.
I don't really hold anymore hope of being with you, I am numb. I know that even if we were to reunite, I'm not sure I could trust you with the most precious thing I have give.. my heart. It is something I have struggled with for my entire life, although I know my worth and I know the potential for love I have to offer. I guard my heart with all my might... hoping that one day the right person will come along and simply exchange his heart for mine.
I was taking a chance with you that the person I desired most, the person I essentially waited almost 4 years for, might actually have or develop feelings for me. But I should have thought more with my brain and less with my heart. The things we do when we built up a fantasy of what could be...
I will not contact you again, as you made it clear you do not want that from me... obvious given your childish actions. My bruised ego, wants to believe you might have actually care for me in some capacity. As time passes and I reassess the situation, I feel like I was nothing but a failed pawn in your 'great chess game'. I wish I knew the wonderful person that you are, but sadly I am left with something far different than that reality. My great fantasy of you, has become a nightmare of masks and disrespect.
I do wish you all the best. I can't help but hope the best for those I hold love in my heart for. In time, I will move on as you have already.. but I will always remember what you taught me. I will always be thankful to you for showing me what my capacity for love is. Before you, I was not certain I could ever truly love someone. Even if that person was a figment of my imagination, I know now that I can feel the fire within."
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Play On
What you're gonna do when the show is over
What you're gonna sing when the song is eeire
How you're gonna cope when there is no closure
Where you're gonna reach when the goal gets higher
How you're gonna make it through
When you think you lost your chance
Play on when you're losing the game
Play on 'cause you're gonna make mistakes
It's always worth the sacrifice
Even when you think you're wrong
So play on
Even when the floodgates swing right open
Never let the current take you down, no
Even when you're not sure where you're going
Swimming through a mess and you can't get out
Just going through the motions
Trying not to drown
Play on when you're losing the game
Play on 'cause you're gonna make mistakes
It's always worth the sacrifice
Even when you think you're wrong
So play on
Even through a storm on the darkest night
Don't you ever give up the fight
Even when you feel you're all alone
Play on, play on
Play on when you're losing the game
Play on 'cause you're gonna make mistakes
It's always worth the sacrifice
Even when you think you're wrong
So play on
------------------------
It's been soooo long since I've last written/visited my own blog. Things are hectic with school, work and with exams and final assignments coming up... it's crazy!! I can say that I'm doing pretty well in school, despite my poor midterm grades, I know that I will be able to pull them up with final assignments and of course, final exams coming up. I'm actually in the middle of studying... kinda got distracted and unable to focus actually. It's been like that all day! Ahh. Only because I studied last week, which it was supposed to be! But my test got canceled, thus I am preparing for it because it is tomorrow. Anyways, since the last time I've written, my life has pretty much been the same old. Nothing exciting actually. Can't wait til the holidays! Which prob be my next post... Should get back to studying. Ta.
What you're gonna sing when the song is eeire
How you're gonna cope when there is no closure
Where you're gonna reach when the goal gets higher
How you're gonna make it through
When you think you lost your chance
Play on when you're losing the game
Play on 'cause you're gonna make mistakes
It's always worth the sacrifice
Even when you think you're wrong
So play on
Even when the floodgates swing right open
Never let the current take you down, no
Even when you're not sure where you're going
Swimming through a mess and you can't get out
Just going through the motions
Trying not to drown
Play on when you're losing the game
Play on 'cause you're gonna make mistakes
It's always worth the sacrifice
Even when you think you're wrong
So play on
Even through a storm on the darkest night
Don't you ever give up the fight
Even when you feel you're all alone
Play on, play on
Play on when you're losing the game
Play on 'cause you're gonna make mistakes
It's always worth the sacrifice
Even when you think you're wrong
So play on
------------------------
It's been soooo long since I've last written/visited my own blog. Things are hectic with school, work and with exams and final assignments coming up... it's crazy!! I can say that I'm doing pretty well in school, despite my poor midterm grades, I know that I will be able to pull them up with final assignments and of course, final exams coming up. I'm actually in the middle of studying... kinda got distracted and unable to focus actually. It's been like that all day! Ahh. Only because I studied last week, which it was supposed to be! But my test got canceled, thus I am preparing for it because it is tomorrow. Anyways, since the last time I've written, my life has pretty much been the same old. Nothing exciting actually. Can't wait til the holidays! Which prob be my next post... Should get back to studying. Ta.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Use Somebody
I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces, fill the places I cant reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me
Someone like me
Someone like me, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
I've been roaming around,
Always looking down at all I see
---------------------
This is the year I need to figure out my life. What the fuck do I want to do?
School is starting in two days. Fourth year. Final year. School to me has been a safe-haven. It's delayed my need to figure everything out. Now that my last year has come, I am confused as to what I want to do in life. What do I really want? Do I wanna to something that makes a lot of money but no heart goes into it? Or, do I wanna do something so passionate that I don't care how much money I make? Obviously, money isn't everything. But it sure is a the non-scary, safe alternative. I'm just too chickenshit to do anything about it.
Either way, I have to do my best this year. Every year it's the same. But somehow, the pressure is definitely intensifying because it's my last chance to show what I can do, or what I can be.
One of my top fears is the fear of failing. I know that life is what I make it, and the most important part is to keep trying to achieve my dreams. But, life likes throwing shit. This year has to be it. It has to be...
On another note, I want to not only go, but live in New York one day. The past couple weeks, I've been watching 'What I Like About You', starring Amanda Bynes and Jennie Garth. Hence, I want to live in New York. Haha. Big dreams. So, in life, I'd want to live in either London, New York, or downtown Toronto of course.
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces, fill the places I cant reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me
Someone like me
Someone like me, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
I've been roaming around,
Always looking down at all I see
---------------------
This is the year I need to figure out my life. What the fuck do I want to do?
School is starting in two days. Fourth year. Final year. School to me has been a safe-haven. It's delayed my need to figure everything out. Now that my last year has come, I am confused as to what I want to do in life. What do I really want? Do I wanna to something that makes a lot of money but no heart goes into it? Or, do I wanna do something so passionate that I don't care how much money I make? Obviously, money isn't everything. But it sure is a the non-scary, safe alternative. I'm just too chickenshit to do anything about it.
Either way, I have to do my best this year. Every year it's the same. But somehow, the pressure is definitely intensifying because it's my last chance to show what I can do, or what I can be.
One of my top fears is the fear of failing. I know that life is what I make it, and the most important part is to keep trying to achieve my dreams. But, life likes throwing shit. This year has to be it. It has to be...
On another note, I want to not only go, but live in New York one day. The past couple weeks, I've been watching 'What I Like About You', starring Amanda Bynes and Jennie Garth. Hence, I want to live in New York. Haha. Big dreams. So, in life, I'd want to live in either London, New York, or downtown Toronto of course.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
It's Alright, It's OK
You told me
There's no need
To talk it out
Cause its too late
To proceed
And slowly
I took your words
No looking back
I wont regret, no
I will find my way
I'm broken
But still I have to say
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
You played me
Betrayed me
Your love was nothing but a game
Portrait a role
You took control, I
I couldn't help but fall
So deep
But now I see things clear
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Don't waist you fiction tears on me
Just save them for someone in need
It's Way to late
I'm closing the door
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
No matter what you say
It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
I won't be sorry
-------------------------
When I find myself in a hole, I consciously keep myself there. I isolate myself completely from those close to me. I think I just need time to gather my thoughts and to seriously think things over. Being close to other people, talking to people close to me, somehow makes things worse off. I don't like talking things over. Cutting people off avoids the need for me to put on a fake smile. Self-sabotage? Most likely. But necessary.
I hate myself for changing, only for a moment, and becoming someone I am not proud of. I hate myself for thinking that I am different than my family, for throwing away my values. I hate the fact that I never listen and how I think I know best. I look back at hopeful 16 year old I once was, full of hope and aspirations, and wish I could tell myself that it's not real. I get what I deserve in life. I don't deserve anything more.
There's no need
To talk it out
Cause its too late
To proceed
And slowly
I took your words
No looking back
I wont regret, no
I will find my way
I'm broken
But still I have to say
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
You played me
Betrayed me
Your love was nothing but a game
Portrait a role
You took control, I
I couldn't help but fall
So deep
But now I see things clear
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Don't waist you fiction tears on me
Just save them for someone in need
It's Way to late
I'm closing the door
It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
No matter what you say
It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
I won't be sorry
-------------------------
When I find myself in a hole, I consciously keep myself there. I isolate myself completely from those close to me. I think I just need time to gather my thoughts and to seriously think things over. Being close to other people, talking to people close to me, somehow makes things worse off. I don't like talking things over. Cutting people off avoids the need for me to put on a fake smile. Self-sabotage? Most likely. But necessary.
I hate myself for changing, only for a moment, and becoming someone I am not proud of. I hate myself for thinking that I am different than my family, for throwing away my values. I hate the fact that I never listen and how I think I know best. I look back at hopeful 16 year old I once was, full of hope and aspirations, and wish I could tell myself that it's not real. I get what I deserve in life. I don't deserve anything more.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Franklin
And when we get home, I know we won't be home at all
This place we live, it is not where we belong
And I miss who we were in the town that we could call our own
Going back to get away after everything has changed
Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
(Everything has changed)
Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
So we stand here now and no one knows us at all
I won't get used to this
I won't get used to being gone
And going back won't feel the same if we aren't staying
Going back to get away after everything has changed
Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
(Everything has changed)
Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
Taking up our time
Taking up our time
Taking up our time
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time, taking up our time
Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
-----------------------
It's been a while since a very good blog. No promises here. Haha. Anyways, September is upon us and we soon go back to routine. I love routine. I love knowing how my day is going to go, knowing when it's going to end. Love it! Anyways, lately I've been in a slump. I'm finding myself in isolation all the time. Consciously of course. I'm in need of a really good laugh.
On another note, I've started another blog: healthyisbeauty.blogspot.com
It's pretty much a boring diary for my path of healthiness. I hope that it provides me the commitment I need to be healthier.
This place we live, it is not where we belong
And I miss who we were in the town that we could call our own
Going back to get away after everything has changed
Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
(Everything has changed)
Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
So we stand here now and no one knows us at all
I won't get used to this
I won't get used to being gone
And going back won't feel the same if we aren't staying
Going back to get away after everything has changed
Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
(Everything has changed)
Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
Taking up our time
Taking up our time
Taking up our time
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time, taking up our time
Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
-----------------------
It's been a while since a very good blog. No promises here. Haha. Anyways, September is upon us and we soon go back to routine. I love routine. I love knowing how my day is going to go, knowing when it's going to end. Love it! Anyways, lately I've been in a slump. I'm finding myself in isolation all the time. Consciously of course. I'm in need of a really good laugh.
On another note, I've started another blog: healthyisbeauty.blogspot.com
It's pretty much a boring diary for my path of healthiness. I hope that it provides me the commitment I need to be healthier.
Friday, August 21, 2009
On Fire
They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be
But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words
And you're on fire
When he's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries
Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)
Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take
When I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...
I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And I've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge
And I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery
--------------------
I said I wouldn't be sorry for my imperfections, but I am. I hate my fucking external locus of control. I have to be better.
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be
But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words
And you're on fire
When he's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries
Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)
Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take
When I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...
I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And I've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge
And I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery
--------------------
I said I wouldn't be sorry for my imperfections, but I am. I hate my fucking external locus of control. I have to be better.
Monday, August 17, 2009
If You Wanted A Song Written About You, All You Had To Do Was Ask
I'm throwing away pictures
That I never should have taken in the first place
And it's cold in my apartment
As I'm changing all the colors
From the brightest reds to grays
Well it's 3 o'clock on monday morning
I'm just hoping you're not seeing his face
I've been getting calls in these hotel rooms
Long enough to know that it was him
That took my place
And I hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And I hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts
And I'm burning all the letters
Hoping that I might forget her and her bad taste
That she left when she was leaving me
A life of barely breathing as she walked
Out of this place
And you dropped the note and we changed key
You changed yourself and I changed me
I really didn't see us singing through this
Then you screamed the bridge
And I cried the verse
And our chorus came out unrehearsed
And you smiled the whole way through it
I guess maybe that's what's worse
And I hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And I hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts
And I'm taking all your memories off the shelf
And I don't need you or anybody else
So take a look at me
See what you want to see
When you get home
Take me home
I'd rather die than be with you
Take me home
You have a problem with the truth
Take me home
Because this happens every time
I knew it would...
I knew it would...
Take me home
I'd rather die than be with you
Take me home
You have a problem with the truth
Take me home
Because this happens every time
And I knew it would...
I knew it would...
And I hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And I hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts
And I'm taking all your memories off the shelf
And I don't need you or anybody else
So take a look at me
See what you want to see
When you get home
--------------------------
Finally, I have finished my summer course! Now, two-ish weeks of summer left! Must spend it well.
I have nothing to say, so this entry sucks. Sorry.
That I never should have taken in the first place
And it's cold in my apartment
As I'm changing all the colors
From the brightest reds to grays
Well it's 3 o'clock on monday morning
I'm just hoping you're not seeing his face
I've been getting calls in these hotel rooms
Long enough to know that it was him
That took my place
And I hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And I hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts
And I'm burning all the letters
Hoping that I might forget her and her bad taste
That she left when she was leaving me
A life of barely breathing as she walked
Out of this place
And you dropped the note and we changed key
You changed yourself and I changed me
I really didn't see us singing through this
Then you screamed the bridge
And I cried the verse
And our chorus came out unrehearsed
And you smiled the whole way through it
I guess maybe that's what's worse
And I hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And I hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts
And I'm taking all your memories off the shelf
And I don't need you or anybody else
So take a look at me
See what you want to see
When you get home
Take me home
I'd rather die than be with you
Take me home
You have a problem with the truth
Take me home
Because this happens every time
I knew it would...
I knew it would...
Take me home
I'd rather die than be with you
Take me home
You have a problem with the truth
Take me home
Because this happens every time
And I knew it would...
I knew it would...
And I hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And I hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts
And I'm taking all your memories off the shelf
And I don't need you or anybody else
So take a look at me
See what you want to see
When you get home
--------------------------
Finally, I have finished my summer course! Now, two-ish weeks of summer left! Must spend it well.
I have nothing to say, so this entry sucks. Sorry.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Siberia
When you come back I won't be here
She said and gently pulled me near
If you want to talk you can call
And no it's not your fault
I just smiled and said let go of me
But there's something that I've just gotta know
Did someone else steal my part?
She said it's not my fault
Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I was drifted in between
Like I was on the outside looking in, yeah yeah
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been
Oh yeah, my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head
When I came back she wasn't there
Just a note left on the stairs
If you want to talk give me a call
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
When the one that you want doesn't want you
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
Siberia, Siberia
When the one you want doesn't want you too
------------------------
What happens when the one you want doesn't want you? Or, on the flipside, what if someone wants you and you don't want them? Do you A) Be persistent because you can't help who you want, or B) Let it go because it hurts you too much? Either way, both ways have its consequences. On one hand, you have the idea that you are honest with yourself, but at the same time coming off as too strong, borderline uncomfortable for the other person. On the other, you didn't have real feelings because you didn't 'try' hard enough by letting go. In the end, all you can do is stab life right back and be happy with your decision.
She said and gently pulled me near
If you want to talk you can call
And no it's not your fault
I just smiled and said let go of me
But there's something that I've just gotta know
Did someone else steal my part?
She said it's not my fault
Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I was drifted in between
Like I was on the outside looking in, yeah yeah
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been
Oh yeah, my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head
When I came back she wasn't there
Just a note left on the stairs
If you want to talk give me a call
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
When the one that you want doesn't want you
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
Siberia, Siberia
When the one you want doesn't want you too
------------------------
What happens when the one you want doesn't want you? Or, on the flipside, what if someone wants you and you don't want them? Do you A) Be persistent because you can't help who you want, or B) Let it go because it hurts you too much? Either way, both ways have its consequences. On one hand, you have the idea that you are honest with yourself, but at the same time coming off as too strong, borderline uncomfortable for the other person. On the other, you didn't have real feelings because you didn't 'try' hard enough by letting go. In the end, all you can do is stab life right back and be happy with your decision.
Monday, August 10, 2009
All To Myself
I don't patronize, I realize
I'm losing and this is my real life.
I am half asleep, and I am wide awake.
This habit is always so hard to break.
I don't want to be the bad guy,
I've been blaming myself and I think you know why.
I'm killing time, and time's killing you
Every way that I do.
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
Please just follow me.
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
I'm under the gun, you're like the only one.
I just can't decide what I'm running from.
This isn't what I wanted, but
I can't keep my filthy fucking mouth shut.
It's not enough, it's never enough.
I just can't breathe without getting it stuck.
Can't focus it, but I try it
over and over again.
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
-----------------------
Life has been very active the last couple days. School is definitely taking the lead. I went to the beach on Friday with a few friends from school. It was quite awesome. I was glad that it wasn't as complicated as it could have been. Fizzling interest boy didn't end up going, and old, but not that old boy couldn't make it. So, it was just about nine of us, just chilling out. We spent most of our time playing beach volleyball. Like actual beach volleyball. Swimsuits and everything! Scary but fun at the same time! I'd definitely do that again. Also, this week I had to finish my paper for my psychology class. I've been putting it off for weeks on end. This week was pretty much do or die. Since I failed to complete half of my paper by Friday, it meant that I couldn't go to my friend's party. Instead, I spent my Saturday night at home trying to hash out as much as I could before Sunday. It was a shame missing out on a drinking opportunity. Haha. I didn't have to work on Sunday, which allowed me to complete my paper to my satisfaction. Man, I hate how I procrastinate but I can't help it. Now, I have one final separating me and the rest of my summer! Ahh.
On another note, I've been working a lot more lately, picking up shifts at the Bloor/Yonge Jacob. They're giving me more hours in a week than 4 weeks working at Sherway. It's ridiculous. Either way, it's money in the bank. Once I have that, I can finally apply for OSAP. It's pretty late, but it's inevitable that I'm going to pay interest anyways.
Back to regular life...
I'm losing and this is my real life.
I am half asleep, and I am wide awake.
This habit is always so hard to break.
I don't want to be the bad guy,
I've been blaming myself and I think you know why.
I'm killing time, and time's killing you
Every way that I do.
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
Please just follow me.
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
I'm under the gun, you're like the only one.
I just can't decide what I'm running from.
This isn't what I wanted, but
I can't keep my filthy fucking mouth shut.
It's not enough, it's never enough.
I just can't breathe without getting it stuck.
Can't focus it, but I try it
over and over again.
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
-----------------------
Life has been very active the last couple days. School is definitely taking the lead. I went to the beach on Friday with a few friends from school. It was quite awesome. I was glad that it wasn't as complicated as it could have been. Fizzling interest boy didn't end up going, and old, but not that old boy couldn't make it. So, it was just about nine of us, just chilling out. We spent most of our time playing beach volleyball. Like actual beach volleyball. Swimsuits and everything! Scary but fun at the same time! I'd definitely do that again. Also, this week I had to finish my paper for my psychology class. I've been putting it off for weeks on end. This week was pretty much do or die. Since I failed to complete half of my paper by Friday, it meant that I couldn't go to my friend's party. Instead, I spent my Saturday night at home trying to hash out as much as I could before Sunday. It was a shame missing out on a drinking opportunity. Haha. I didn't have to work on Sunday, which allowed me to complete my paper to my satisfaction. Man, I hate how I procrastinate but I can't help it. Now, I have one final separating me and the rest of my summer! Ahh.
On another note, I've been working a lot more lately, picking up shifts at the Bloor/Yonge Jacob. They're giving me more hours in a week than 4 weeks working at Sherway. It's ridiculous. Either way, it's money in the bank. Once I have that, I can finally apply for OSAP. It's pretty late, but it's inevitable that I'm going to pay interest anyways.
Back to regular life...
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Only Hope
There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope
Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again
And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back
-------------------------
Today, I went to see The Ugly Truth with my friend from class. It was actually better the second time because the audience was better, laughing a lot more at the dirty humour. Haha. After the movie, we had drinks at Jack Astor's (where else? haha). Fun. When it was time to leave, I definitely realized that this guy was only going to be a friend and nothing more. Never, say never. But, I feel strongly about this at this moment. He's like the only guy that I can talk about chick-flicks with, which makes me happy.
Anyways, this Friday is the infamous beach day (turned infamous at about the time of the second delay). Here is where I hope that the fizzling boy interest will make an appearance. If not, fuck him... only kidding. Anyways, I hope that we would be able to get along like there wasn't a giant 5 week hiatus. SHIT. It's been a while. To put this into perspective, old hook up but not boy from New Year's will be there. That won't be weird because I've been in group situations with him before and we're fine. Then, old hook-up but not/3-day boy interest from 4 weeks ago may be there too. I haven't seen him since then and had a total of 5 minutes of conversation since then. Ahh. This whole beach thing could be slightly awkward. I need to get into different circles. Haha. Kidding. Ok, all I can do is just enjoy chilling with friends from school and look hot doing it. Haha. Majorly kidding on that one.
Then, hopefully after work on Saturday, I'll be able to go to my friend's house party, if I can get 3/4 of my pscyh paper done by then (which is due Monday and have yet started).
This week is going to be busy.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope
Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again
And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back
-------------------------
Today, I went to see The Ugly Truth with my friend from class. It was actually better the second time because the audience was better, laughing a lot more at the dirty humour. Haha. After the movie, we had drinks at Jack Astor's (where else? haha). Fun. When it was time to leave, I definitely realized that this guy was only going to be a friend and nothing more. Never, say never. But, I feel strongly about this at this moment. He's like the only guy that I can talk about chick-flicks with, which makes me happy.
Anyways, this Friday is the infamous beach day (turned infamous at about the time of the second delay). Here is where I hope that the fizzling boy interest will make an appearance. If not, fuck him... only kidding. Anyways, I hope that we would be able to get along like there wasn't a giant 5 week hiatus. SHIT. It's been a while. To put this into perspective, old hook up but not boy from New Year's will be there. That won't be weird because I've been in group situations with him before and we're fine. Then, old hook-up but not/3-day boy interest from 4 weeks ago may be there too. I haven't seen him since then and had a total of 5 minutes of conversation since then. Ahh. This whole beach thing could be slightly awkward. I need to get into different circles. Haha. Kidding. Ok, all I can do is just enjoy chilling with friends from school and look hot doing it. Haha. Majorly kidding on that one.
Then, hopefully after work on Saturday, I'll be able to go to my friend's house party, if I can get 3/4 of my pscyh paper done by then (which is due Monday and have yet started).
This week is going to be busy.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Wasted
Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It fell like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it
For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it
I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Another glass of whiskey but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it.
Cause I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while
Hey, yeah,
Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Yeah, yeah
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
-----------------------------
It's been quite a while since I've last written. Not much has happened. As mentioned before, my life is pretty dull. All I can do is try to embrace what life is or isn't throwing at me.
As you all know, I've been taking a summer class this semester. Psychology of Immigration. Fun times, right? Haha, not really. But anyways, my prof has activities that she makes us do activities in small groups. From this, I met this Asian guy. Kinda nerdy. After a couple days, we were messaging each other through Facebook, MSN... and talking in class. I don't think I like him, like him. But conversation is really easy, which doesn't come often with me and boys. It's funny because people always start off in the "friend zone" (except for a couple of people). But who knows. In this process, I'm actually learning a lot about myself and what I want. I know that I don't want to be tied down exactly to a boy at this moment, despite how much I want to feel what it's like to be. I feel like I still need to decide once and for all exactly what I want.
No matter what, I will always have some sort of standard. Every girl has to have standards. Not too high, not too low. I have to be legitimately attracted to the guy, and be able to have a decent conversation to a degree. It cannot be forced. Guys should definitely re-evaluate their approaches. I want to be the simple girl so badly, but I am constantly learning how complicated I always will be.
One thing to note is how girls love being chased, and how guys love the chase. I for one, love being chased. But chased too much is bad, and being chased too little leads me to believe that he's not trying hard enough. I can see why I, or girls in general, are somewhat complicated. Where is that fine line? On the other hand, I somehow like doing a bit of chasing. In my books, chasing is pretty much me trying to hold conversations and pining over a guy. But, when in that rare instance that those feelings are returned, I lose major interest. What the hell? I think that I would still be attracted to this guy, but not be as interested as to pursuing a full-on relationship. I end up letting things fizzle out and die off.
Anyways, this beach thing has been on hiatus for quite a while and hopefully it's this week. I was actually counting on this beach thing to get to know this guy who've I've developed a giant instant crush on when I went to Wonderland at the end of June. Because of the long ass hiatus, my crush has fizzled. I guess I lost interest? Or naturally died off on its own by not being watered enough. Because so much time has gone by, my giant instant crush just ended up being more insignificant than I wanted it to be. But hey, that's life. Either way, I hope that beach thing is this week so I have some time in the sun before summer ends.
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It fell like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it
For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it
I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Another glass of whiskey but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it.
Cause I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while
Hey, yeah,
Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Yeah, yeah
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
-----------------------------
It's been quite a while since I've last written. Not much has happened. As mentioned before, my life is pretty dull. All I can do is try to embrace what life is or isn't throwing at me.
As you all know, I've been taking a summer class this semester. Psychology of Immigration. Fun times, right? Haha, not really. But anyways, my prof has activities that she makes us do activities in small groups. From this, I met this Asian guy. Kinda nerdy. After a couple days, we were messaging each other through Facebook, MSN... and talking in class. I don't think I like him, like him. But conversation is really easy, which doesn't come often with me and boys. It's funny because people always start off in the "friend zone" (except for a couple of people). But who knows. In this process, I'm actually learning a lot about myself and what I want. I know that I don't want to be tied down exactly to a boy at this moment, despite how much I want to feel what it's like to be. I feel like I still need to decide once and for all exactly what I want.
No matter what, I will always have some sort of standard. Every girl has to have standards. Not too high, not too low. I have to be legitimately attracted to the guy, and be able to have a decent conversation to a degree. It cannot be forced. Guys should definitely re-evaluate their approaches. I want to be the simple girl so badly, but I am constantly learning how complicated I always will be.
One thing to note is how girls love being chased, and how guys love the chase. I for one, love being chased. But chased too much is bad, and being chased too little leads me to believe that he's not trying hard enough. I can see why I, or girls in general, are somewhat complicated. Where is that fine line? On the other hand, I somehow like doing a bit of chasing. In my books, chasing is pretty much me trying to hold conversations and pining over a guy. But, when in that rare instance that those feelings are returned, I lose major interest. What the hell? I think that I would still be attracted to this guy, but not be as interested as to pursuing a full-on relationship. I end up letting things fizzle out and die off.
Anyways, this beach thing has been on hiatus for quite a while and hopefully it's this week. I was actually counting on this beach thing to get to know this guy who've I've developed a giant instant crush on when I went to Wonderland at the end of June. Because of the long ass hiatus, my crush has fizzled. I guess I lost interest? Or naturally died off on its own by not being watered enough. Because so much time has gone by, my giant instant crush just ended up being more insignificant than I wanted it to be. But hey, that's life. Either way, I hope that beach thing is this week so I have some time in the sun before summer ends.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Tears and Rain
How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
Tears and Rain.
Tears and Rain.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
----------------------
I just wish that I could tell you everything. I want to. But some part of me knows that you will not look at me the same. I don't think anyone could convince me otherwise. Because of my fear, you will never know. One day, maybe.
I've been thinking a lot over the past few days, and I've come up with the conclusion that I seriously don't think I could ever let myself get emotionally close to another person. Just for a fear of getting hurt. Leave before they can leave you. It's the most juvenile thing in the world, but I can't exactly help it. Then, I can't exactly complain about my current situation. Maybe, I just like the feeling of having some sort of control.
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
Tears and Rain.
Tears and Rain.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
----------------------
I just wish that I could tell you everything. I want to. But some part of me knows that you will not look at me the same. I don't think anyone could convince me otherwise. Because of my fear, you will never know. One day, maybe.
I've been thinking a lot over the past few days, and I've come up with the conclusion that I seriously don't think I could ever let myself get emotionally close to another person. Just for a fear of getting hurt. Leave before they can leave you. It's the most juvenile thing in the world, but I can't exactly help it. Then, I can't exactly complain about my current situation. Maybe, I just like the feeling of having some sort of control.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
When I Grow Up
Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy)
And you don't care what they say
See, every time you turn around
They scream your name
Now I've got a confession
When I was young I wanted attention
And I promised myself that I’d do anything
Anything at all for them to notice me
But I ain't complaining
We all wanna be famous
So go ahead and say what you wanna say
You know what it's like to be nameless
Want them to know what your name is
'Cause see when I was younger I would say
When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies
When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies
When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines
When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it
They used to tell me I was silly
Until I popped up on the TV
I always wanted to be a superstar
And knew that singing songs would get me this far
But I ain't complaining
We all wanna be famous
So go ahead and say what you wanna say
You know what it's like to be nameless
Want them to know what your name is
'Cause see when I was younger I would say
When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies
When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies
When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines
When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it
I see them staring at me
Oh I'm a trendsetter
Yes this is true 'cause what I do, no one can do it better
You can talk about me
'Cause I'm a hot topic
I see you watching me, watching me, and I know you want it
When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies
When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies
When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines
When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it
------------------------
Try and try again. Oh my. Can't help but laugh.
Lately, I'm slowly realizing that I put way too much pressure on myself to look a certain way. Well, girls in general do. I know that if I did squats everyday, I'd have a smackable ass, or if I did 1000 crunches a day, I wouldn't have love handles. But would it make a difference in the end? Not really. Half the reason is to look awesome for me is to feel good, and the other half is to be seen as "good" by others, especially in the opposite sex. But, if I feel good already, would it matter? It shouldn't matter what other people think. I think I've said this before, and I probably tend to go back and forth on this subject, but for right now, I feel that you should feel good about the body you are in, be proud to be in your skin. No one else has the right to tell you otherwise. After conversations and past encounters, nobody really cares about the way you look. In other words, no one sees those stretch marks on your hips, or the fact that your thighs touch. You are the only one who puts yourself under a microscope and overanalyzes every single detail.
Don't be sorry for all your imperfections.
And you don't care what they say
See, every time you turn around
They scream your name
Now I've got a confession
When I was young I wanted attention
And I promised myself that I’d do anything
Anything at all for them to notice me
But I ain't complaining
We all wanna be famous
So go ahead and say what you wanna say
You know what it's like to be nameless
Want them to know what your name is
'Cause see when I was younger I would say
When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies
When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies
When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines
When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it
They used to tell me I was silly
Until I popped up on the TV
I always wanted to be a superstar
And knew that singing songs would get me this far
But I ain't complaining
We all wanna be famous
So go ahead and say what you wanna say
You know what it's like to be nameless
Want them to know what your name is
'Cause see when I was younger I would say
When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies
When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies
When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines
When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it
I see them staring at me
Oh I'm a trendsetter
Yes this is true 'cause what I do, no one can do it better
You can talk about me
'Cause I'm a hot topic
I see you watching me, watching me, and I know you want it
When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies
When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies
When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines
When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it
------------------------
Try and try again. Oh my. Can't help but laugh.
Lately, I'm slowly realizing that I put way too much pressure on myself to look a certain way. Well, girls in general do. I know that if I did squats everyday, I'd have a smackable ass, or if I did 1000 crunches a day, I wouldn't have love handles. But would it make a difference in the end? Not really. Half the reason is to look awesome for me is to feel good, and the other half is to be seen as "good" by others, especially in the opposite sex. But, if I feel good already, would it matter? It shouldn't matter what other people think. I think I've said this before, and I probably tend to go back and forth on this subject, but for right now, I feel that you should feel good about the body you are in, be proud to be in your skin. No one else has the right to tell you otherwise. After conversations and past encounters, nobody really cares about the way you look. In other words, no one sees those stretch marks on your hips, or the fact that your thighs touch. You are the only one who puts yourself under a microscope and overanalyzes every single detail.
Don't be sorry for all your imperfections.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Misery
I cry myself to sleep again tonight
'Cause I cannot hold you tight
I wish I could see you again tomorrow
To take all this sorrow, sorrow
I'm hollow
When I touch you
Can you feel it
When I need you
Can you give it
When I look in your eyes
Can you see me
When I fall, fall
Will you catch me, catch me, catch me
Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel
Is what I feel
Is what I feel
These tears on my face
Are for you
I wish that I could hold you
Touch you, feel you
My heart is bleeding Can't you see
I wish that you could hold me
Touch me, feel me
Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel
Is what I feel
Is what I feel
Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel
Is what I feel
Is what I feel
-------------------------------
I really don't know how I got to this place. Things that are new and exciting are meant to end. But things that start off wrong will end only badly. I think I might take the risk.
'Cause I cannot hold you tight
I wish I could see you again tomorrow
To take all this sorrow, sorrow
I'm hollow
When I touch you
Can you feel it
When I need you
Can you give it
When I look in your eyes
Can you see me
When I fall, fall
Will you catch me, catch me, catch me
Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel
Is what I feel
Is what I feel
These tears on my face
Are for you
I wish that I could hold you
Touch you, feel you
My heart is bleeding Can't you see
I wish that you could hold me
Touch me, feel me
Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel
Is what I feel
Is what I feel
Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel
Is what I feel
Is what I feel
-------------------------------
I really don't know how I got to this place. Things that are new and exciting are meant to end. But things that start off wrong will end only badly. I think I might take the risk.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
The Best
On a perfect day
Somewhat like today
We will find each other there
We will find each other there
And somewhat like the month we first met
We can't forget the way I loved you
But I can't pretend how far we've gone
And we can not mend what damage has been done
No, we can not mend what damage is done now
But then we shall come home and
Become the best ones we could have been
Oh the best we could have been
Oh the best we could have been, now
--------------------------------
Saturday night ritual is chilling. Single girl with a chick flick. Alone. Doing nothing, but escaping into a world where happiness is 130 minutes away. Sure, going out and getting drunk is a fun thing to do and that I should introduce it into my schedule more often. But, the thing is sometimes, going out is tiring. And, something that I could easily get sick of, as if it were a chore. Easily imagined. Maybe I'm just rationalizing my non-existent life. Anyways, something I will never get sick of is watching a good movie in bed. I could watch and re-watch movies any day of the week. Vicarious living I say! Loser, maybe? Probably. I did spend all day yesterday watching all five Harry Potter movies.
I watched P.S. I Love You today, starring Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler, and a surprising appearance by the dude who plays Denny in Grey's Anatomy. What a sweet surprise! But unlike most chick-flicks, this movie was about dealing with the death of a loved one. Hilary Swank's character, Holly, loses her husband, Gerry, played by Gerard Butler, to brain cancer. Before he died, he creates an elaborate plan to help Holly move on. In the end, this is definitely true love.
Sure, you want to find that one person you are meant to be with. You imagined this person when you were 10 maybe? 16? Nonetheless, you feel your life is incomplete when there is no one to share it with. You spend most days, just waiting. Waiting for this stranger to walk into your life. One day, if you're lucky, this stranger does. You fall in love. Suddenly, the love of your life dies. What now? That's what I liked about P.S. I Love You. Sure, it's a sappy movie, but made not using the same recipe as the rest. When people think of finding the one, they don't often think about what happens after you lose them.
Would you love someone knowing the exact date they would die?
Somewhat like today
We will find each other there
We will find each other there
And somewhat like the month we first met
We can't forget the way I loved you
But I can't pretend how far we've gone
And we can not mend what damage has been done
No, we can not mend what damage is done now
But then we shall come home and
Become the best ones we could have been
Oh the best we could have been
Oh the best we could have been, now
--------------------------------
Saturday night ritual is chilling. Single girl with a chick flick. Alone. Doing nothing, but escaping into a world where happiness is 130 minutes away. Sure, going out and getting drunk is a fun thing to do and that I should introduce it into my schedule more often. But, the thing is sometimes, going out is tiring. And, something that I could easily get sick of, as if it were a chore. Easily imagined. Maybe I'm just rationalizing my non-existent life. Anyways, something I will never get sick of is watching a good movie in bed. I could watch and re-watch movies any day of the week. Vicarious living I say! Loser, maybe? Probably. I did spend all day yesterday watching all five Harry Potter movies.
I watched P.S. I Love You today, starring Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler, and a surprising appearance by the dude who plays Denny in Grey's Anatomy. What a sweet surprise! But unlike most chick-flicks, this movie was about dealing with the death of a loved one. Hilary Swank's character, Holly, loses her husband, Gerry, played by Gerard Butler, to brain cancer. Before he died, he creates an elaborate plan to help Holly move on. In the end, this is definitely true love.
Sure, you want to find that one person you are meant to be with. You imagined this person when you were 10 maybe? 16? Nonetheless, you feel your life is incomplete when there is no one to share it with. You spend most days, just waiting. Waiting for this stranger to walk into your life. One day, if you're lucky, this stranger does. You fall in love. Suddenly, the love of your life dies. What now? That's what I liked about P.S. I Love You. Sure, it's a sappy movie, but made not using the same recipe as the rest. When people think of finding the one, they don't often think about what happens after you lose them.
Would you love someone knowing the exact date they would die?
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Homecoming
Homecoming, I’m coming
My sweet mistake
Summer’s over, hope it’s not too late
I’m pacing, impatient
Up in my head
Taken back to the sidewalk where we met
And carved out our names
Do you remember that?
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart for you
Descending, I’m spinning
Lost all defense
How could you swallow me again?
I left you, I meant to
Couldn’t let you in
Never mind a single word I said
Carve out your name
Do you remember that?
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you.
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart
You’ve got control of me
Is this the end of me?
‘Cause I just can’t cut up the strings
I’m coming back for more
Don’t let your heart go
Please don’t walk away
Homecoming, I’m coming, I’m coming back
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you.
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart
-------------------------
I had a giant "What the fuck am I going to do?" moment today.
My sweet mistake
Summer’s over, hope it’s not too late
I’m pacing, impatient
Up in my head
Taken back to the sidewalk where we met
And carved out our names
Do you remember that?
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart for you
Descending, I’m spinning
Lost all defense
How could you swallow me again?
I left you, I meant to
Couldn’t let you in
Never mind a single word I said
Carve out your name
Do you remember that?
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you.
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart
You’ve got control of me
Is this the end of me?
‘Cause I just can’t cut up the strings
I’m coming back for more
Don’t let your heart go
Please don’t walk away
Homecoming, I’m coming, I’m coming back
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you.
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart
-------------------------
I had a giant "What the fuck am I going to do?" moment today.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Fear Of Flying
I took a picture of a girl I once knew
I kept it here in case I'd run into you
The look on your face could light up a room
But instead you left
And now I'm sitting with my head on the dashboard
Push the seat back and close my eyes
I had this dream that I was on an airplane
afraid to fly
So i tipped my head to the side and I whispered
to this man that was in the isle
I said "do you know how long it takes before we die?"
and then I rolled awake
Can you take me back to the person I used to be
Back when you were there for me
I know it seems like forever but do me a favor please
Way back when we were stupid
held grudges just to help us sleep
Oh my god, how ridiculous were we?
I stop your breathing every time I'm around girl
Your body's sweating and your hands start to shake
I know you can't control your eyes but i know that your looks are fake
So tease me once and I'll try to forget
how it feels when you've got nothing left
well take it slow and only work this sometimes
Oh yeah..
Can you take me back to the person I used to be
Back when you were there for me
I know it seems like forever but do me a favor please
Way back when we were stupid
held grudges just to help us sleep
Oh my god, how ridiculous were we?
I took a picture of a girl I once knew
I kept it here in case I'd run into you
The look on your face could light up a room
But instead you left
---------------------------
I'm here. Not sleeping. Although it is only 8ish, I promised myself I'd sleep earlier tonight. Lately, I never listen. But after this entry.
I can't wait to get tomorrow over with. No work until Saturday. "Beach" Friday. Yes, Toronto beach. You deserve quotations! Anyways, I'll finally be able to test the Smashbox primer that day. But I do hope the day is filled with many laughs and fun in the sun (*crosses fingers* Please don't rain. My laptop tends to contradict CP24 often). Hopefully, I'll see some more familiar faces. New boy will not be there. But that's ok. Maybe next week.
Girls are complicated beings. Although I am a self-proclaimed simple girl, I am too, complicated. By explaining the simplicity that is me, I realize that my simplicity exists only if my life is laced with perfection. Damn it.
I kept it here in case I'd run into you
The look on your face could light up a room
But instead you left
And now I'm sitting with my head on the dashboard
Push the seat back and close my eyes
I had this dream that I was on an airplane
afraid to fly
So i tipped my head to the side and I whispered
to this man that was in the isle
I said "do you know how long it takes before we die?"
and then I rolled awake
Can you take me back to the person I used to be
Back when you were there for me
I know it seems like forever but do me a favor please
Way back when we were stupid
held grudges just to help us sleep
Oh my god, how ridiculous were we?
I stop your breathing every time I'm around girl
Your body's sweating and your hands start to shake
I know you can't control your eyes but i know that your looks are fake
So tease me once and I'll try to forget
how it feels when you've got nothing left
well take it slow and only work this sometimes
Oh yeah..
Can you take me back to the person I used to be
Back when you were there for me
I know it seems like forever but do me a favor please
Way back when we were stupid
held grudges just to help us sleep
Oh my god, how ridiculous were we?
I took a picture of a girl I once knew
I kept it here in case I'd run into you
The look on your face could light up a room
But instead you left
---------------------------
I'm here. Not sleeping. Although it is only 8ish, I promised myself I'd sleep earlier tonight. Lately, I never listen. But after this entry.
I can't wait to get tomorrow over with. No work until Saturday. "Beach" Friday. Yes, Toronto beach. You deserve quotations! Anyways, I'll finally be able to test the Smashbox primer that day. But I do hope the day is filled with many laughs and fun in the sun (*crosses fingers* Please don't rain. My laptop tends to contradict CP24 often). Hopefully, I'll see some more familiar faces. New boy will not be there. But that's ok. Maybe next week.
Girls are complicated beings. Although I am a self-proclaimed simple girl, I am too, complicated. By explaining the simplicity that is me, I realize that my simplicity exists only if my life is laced with perfection. Damn it.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Lose It
Well it's that time
It's that time again
Well it's all coming back around
There she sees me
Oh my god, this is who I've been
And I'm branding each day
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
(Go, go)
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Immediately we find out then
That I can be blamed for this
Well then you just figured out today
And you're so sweet, you say..
Go now and get your own life and live it your way
And I hear you say..
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
(Go, go)
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Hey
Hey hey
Whoaaaa
Hey, hey, hey
Well and if we find another then
We will get ours
And if we find another then
We will get ours
She's picking up her clothes
She's off and she's running
She says to me
'Go on and lose it'
I think she means well but
Man I can't tell as she says to me
'Go on and lose it all'
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it all
------------------------------
Why is it that girls are attracted to unavailable boys? Is it the fact that they are forbidden, meaning the classic case of always want what you can't have? Or, is it that they have been "girl-approved" and there is no shame in wanting this particular person? In a couple, you want to look good with each other. This goes for boys too. There has to be a balance of the "how did he get her?" and "how did she get him?" reaction. "This girl is dating him, so it must be ok if I do." Problem is, he's hers. Is it that the unavailability counts as some sort of stamp of approval?
Since I'm in this riddle me this phase, why is it that girls are attracted to the "bad boy"? How is it that in today's society, acting like a jackass gets you girls? I am too, guilty of this syndrome. Perhaps, it's the need to piss off the parentals. Or, maybe we think the mysterious demeanor, edgyness, toughness, and the "fuck you" attitude will equal to some idealistic sexual scenario? Do we just tell ourselves that these bad boys are jerks around everyone else but us? Can we change them? In the end, our blindness caused by his "hotness" falls through and we find ourselves wishing we didn't waste time on these jerks when we could've spent time with a nice, sensible boy. Bad boys are the fads, and nice boys are the classics. The ones that you wished you had bought in the first place, instead of buying those sparkle pants that are way past its 30 days. Nice boys come last only because girls realize things slowly. If only girl brain could figure it out sooner, the world would be a better place.
What makes us attracted to a person? Is it the characteristics in ourselves in others that we like? The characteristics that we wished we had seen in the other person? Is it the six-pack? The sexy-back? Or, is it that they are themselves no matter what?
It's that time again
Well it's all coming back around
There she sees me
Oh my god, this is who I've been
And I'm branding each day
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
(Go, go)
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Immediately we find out then
That I can be blamed for this
Well then you just figured out today
And you're so sweet, you say..
Go now and get your own life and live it your way
And I hear you say..
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
(Go, go)
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Hey
Hey hey
Whoaaaa
Hey, hey, hey
Well and if we find another then
We will get ours
And if we find another then
We will get ours
She's picking up her clothes
She's off and she's running
She says to me
'Go on and lose it'
I think she means well but
Man I can't tell as she says to me
'Go on and lose it all'
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it all
------------------------------
Why is it that girls are attracted to unavailable boys? Is it the fact that they are forbidden, meaning the classic case of always want what you can't have? Or, is it that they have been "girl-approved" and there is no shame in wanting this particular person? In a couple, you want to look good with each other. This goes for boys too. There has to be a balance of the "how did he get her?" and "how did she get him?" reaction. "This girl is dating him, so it must be ok if I do." Problem is, he's hers. Is it that the unavailability counts as some sort of stamp of approval?
Since I'm in this riddle me this phase, why is it that girls are attracted to the "bad boy"? How is it that in today's society, acting like a jackass gets you girls? I am too, guilty of this syndrome. Perhaps, it's the need to piss off the parentals. Or, maybe we think the mysterious demeanor, edgyness, toughness, and the "fuck you" attitude will equal to some idealistic sexual scenario? Do we just tell ourselves that these bad boys are jerks around everyone else but us? Can we change them? In the end, our blindness caused by his "hotness" falls through and we find ourselves wishing we didn't waste time on these jerks when we could've spent time with a nice, sensible boy. Bad boys are the fads, and nice boys are the classics. The ones that you wished you had bought in the first place, instead of buying those sparkle pants that are way past its 30 days. Nice boys come last only because girls realize things slowly. If only girl brain could figure it out sooner, the world would be a better place.
What makes us attracted to a person? Is it the characteristics in ourselves in others that we like? The characteristics that we wished we had seen in the other person? Is it the six-pack? The sexy-back? Or, is it that they are themselves no matter what?
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?
(Let's pick up, pick up)
Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.
I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.
Now let's not get selfish
Did you really think I’d let you kill this chorus?
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
And hold a lover close
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster
----------------------
Resurface.
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?
(Let's pick up, pick up)
Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.
I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.
Now let's not get selfish
Did you really think I’d let you kill this chorus?
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
And hold a lover close
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster
----------------------
Resurface.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Cold Water
Cold, cold water surrounds me now
And all I've got is your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?
Love one's daughter
Allow me that
And I can't let go of your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?
Cold, cold water surrounds me now
And all I've got is your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?
--------------------------
I find myself typing in text and always deleting. I hide behind my own thoughts while hiding behind a screen. I hate the fact that I always have to think twice about what I say. I hate that I have to proofread whatever I write before pressing 'send' or 'publish'. I wanna put this edit button on hold just for a couple days, but I can't.
The very thing that I yearn for is the root of pain. The slightest drop, I can already feel a pin prick. Am I subconsciously putting on my own defense mechanism in place by walking away? By believing it's not in my cards? By being so conceited? Maybe I'm just waiting. Maybe I'm testing who can break down my walls and actually find me. No one has so far. It's not written in the stars as much as I liked to believe.
What am I to you? The person who wakes you up in the morning when you can't do it yourself? The one who you can talk to and suddenly feel relieved? The person who you always say 'hi' to when you get a chance? The person who only wants the best for you? The person who talks behind your back? The one who breaks promises? The person who tells lies, but you give me the benefit of the doubt? The one who takes everything you do for granted? The one who never apologizes? The person who you would rather not exist?
I've gotten everything I deserved in my life.
And all I've got is your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?
Love one's daughter
Allow me that
And I can't let go of your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?
Cold, cold water surrounds me now
And all I've got is your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?
--------------------------
I find myself typing in text and always deleting. I hide behind my own thoughts while hiding behind a screen. I hate the fact that I always have to think twice about what I say. I hate that I have to proofread whatever I write before pressing 'send' or 'publish'. I wanna put this edit button on hold just for a couple days, but I can't.
The very thing that I yearn for is the root of pain. The slightest drop, I can already feel a pin prick. Am I subconsciously putting on my own defense mechanism in place by walking away? By believing it's not in my cards? By being so conceited? Maybe I'm just waiting. Maybe I'm testing who can break down my walls and actually find me. No one has so far. It's not written in the stars as much as I liked to believe.
What am I to you? The person who wakes you up in the morning when you can't do it yourself? The one who you can talk to and suddenly feel relieved? The person who you always say 'hi' to when you get a chance? The person who only wants the best for you? The person who talks behind your back? The one who breaks promises? The person who tells lies, but you give me the benefit of the doubt? The one who takes everything you do for granted? The one who never apologizes? The person who you would rather not exist?
I've gotten everything I deserved in my life.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Revolution
So I say we’ll catch this world on fire
We’ll start a revolution
Can’t you see it now?
It will take all everyone’s attention
To leave it all behind us
Can’t you see it now?
So, we’ll go undercover
Set a sight together
Make a path with only what we need to know.
And we’ll ride
We’ll ride into the morning
And the sun will keep us clear from any ghosts in front of us.
It’s alright to change cause everyone else stays the same
It’s alright to change when everyone else…
So come on!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Hey, can’t you just see it?
We’ll be above it all when we change the world with each and every stone
And we’ll build
We’ll build it up together
Now it’s all in motion
We can’t let go this perfect symmetry
It’s alright to change cause everyone else stays the same
It’s alright to change when everyone else…
So come on!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
No!
We’ll never stop
Come on we’ll never know
How far we’ll go if we, if we knew
We’ll never stop
Come on we’ll never know
So I say we’ll catch this world on fire
We’ll start a revolution
Can’t you see it now?
It will take all everyone’s attention
To leave it all behind us
Can’t you see it now?
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start (So I say we’ll catch this world on fire)
To the top, to the top where we are (We’ll start a revolution)
They’ll say we’re only making enemies (Can’t you see it now?)
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start (It will take all everyone’s attention)
To the top, to the top where we are (To leave it all behind us)
They’ll say we’re only making enemies (Can’t you see it now?)
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start (So I say we’ll catch this world on fire)
To the top, to the top where we are (We’ll start a revolution)
They’ll say we’re only making enemies (Can’t you see it now?)
It will take all everyone’s attention (We’ll set it off, set it off from the start)
To leave it all behind us (To the top, to the top where we are)
Can’t you see it now? (They’ll say we’re only making enemies)
So I say we’ll catch this world on fire
We’ll start a revolution
Can’t you see it now?
It will take all everyone’s attention
To leave it all behind us
Can’t you see it now?
---------------------------
A new era is coming around. I think that I've changed. This is probably where we go separate ways. Sad to say, I can feel it. I'm not so idealistic or naive as I was before. The most of the fog has gone and all I see is a different world. A scary world. The real world.
On another note, new boys are a funny thing. I'm like a crush-slut. Haha, not per se, but it's doesn't take much to make me like a boy. Laughter is definitely the key to my heart.
We’ll start a revolution
Can’t you see it now?
It will take all everyone’s attention
To leave it all behind us
Can’t you see it now?
So, we’ll go undercover
Set a sight together
Make a path with only what we need to know.
And we’ll ride
We’ll ride into the morning
And the sun will keep us clear from any ghosts in front of us.
It’s alright to change cause everyone else stays the same
It’s alright to change when everyone else…
So come on!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Hey, can’t you just see it?
We’ll be above it all when we change the world with each and every stone
And we’ll build
We’ll build it up together
Now it’s all in motion
We can’t let go this perfect symmetry
It’s alright to change cause everyone else stays the same
It’s alright to change when everyone else…
So come on!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
No!
We’ll never stop
Come on we’ll never know
How far we’ll go if we, if we knew
We’ll never stop
Come on we’ll never know
So I say we’ll catch this world on fire
We’ll start a revolution
Can’t you see it now?
It will take all everyone’s attention
To leave it all behind us
Can’t you see it now?
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start (So I say we’ll catch this world on fire)
To the top, to the top where we are (We’ll start a revolution)
They’ll say we’re only making enemies (Can’t you see it now?)
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start (It will take all everyone’s attention)
To the top, to the top where we are (To leave it all behind us)
They’ll say we’re only making enemies (Can’t you see it now?)
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start (So I say we’ll catch this world on fire)
To the top, to the top where we are (We’ll start a revolution)
They’ll say we’re only making enemies (Can’t you see it now?)
It will take all everyone’s attention (We’ll set it off, set it off from the start)
To leave it all behind us (To the top, to the top where we are)
Can’t you see it now? (They’ll say we’re only making enemies)
So I say we’ll catch this world on fire
We’ll start a revolution
Can’t you see it now?
It will take all everyone’s attention
To leave it all behind us
Can’t you see it now?
---------------------------
A new era is coming around. I think that I've changed. This is probably where we go separate ways. Sad to say, I can feel it. I'm not so idealistic or naive as I was before. The most of the fog has gone and all I see is a different world. A scary world. The real world.
On another note, new boys are a funny thing. I'm like a crush-slut. Haha, not per se, but it's doesn't take much to make me like a boy. Laughter is definitely the key to my heart.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Cannonball
Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer each day
So close that I can't see what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know
-------------------------
I went to Wonderland yesterday for the first time in years. I'd have to say it was probably the most fun I've had in a very long time. I haven't seen some of these people in five months! Which made the day all the better. I also got to meet some pretty amazing people as well. It all started off waiting at Yorkdale Bus Terminal to go to Wonderland. It was pretty packed that they had to start a new bus. Luckily, all six of us got on and found seats, and we were finally on our way to meet the rest of the crew.
We arrived at Wonderland and it was crazy. We had an odd number of people in our group, not so ideal with Wonderland. So, we had to do a rotation of who had to sit by themselves. But it all worked out in the end. We started off the day waiting in the boiling sun for Top Gun, then Italian Job, and then The Behemoth (it's actually not scary at all). We left the park and headed off to Wendy's for lunch. I knew by the time we got back, it was waterpark time so I was thinking that I shouldn't eat too much because I wanted to look good. And it was hilarious because after thinking that, this guy says the same thing. I actually cracked up soo hard.
It was honestly terrifying to go into the water park. I haven't put on a swimsuit in ages. I bought my bathing suit last week and thought it I looked pretty good in it. But actual people are here. People I know. Shit. Shortly after, just by looking around, nobody cared what anyone else looked like. NOBODY. There were obvious people who looked amazing in two-piece bikinis, and some people who didn't so much. But those people who I thought didn't look good in whatever they were wearing, they were having such an amazing time going on water rides, and just hanging out with their friends. So I thought to myself, I could either be the person who watched everyone else's stuff, or the person who was having an amazing time in whatever I was wearing. I opted for the latter. I put on my swimsuit, went back to our camp, and just started having fun with friends. And, I had someone to hang out with in the shallow end of the wave pool because we both couldn't swim! But he went a little deeper because he was like 4 inches taller than me. Haha. Anyways, we went on a few rides and then the lazy river a few times, and this one guy forces me into the waterfall! But it was all in good fun, even though I was in it for a good 20 seconds. It was actually really funny. The waterpark closed at 6, so we had to make our way out to the land park.
We went on a few more rides. Since it was later on in the day, all the wait times were than 10 minutes or less! While we were waiting for Minebuster, the guy who I was sitting with had a giant "Would you rather" game. Some of them got extremely ridiculous, but nonetheless fun. But as great as the day was, it finally came to an end as the park closed.
I found out that a couple of people lived in Mississauga, therefore, I found a way home. A bunch of us were going out to eat after. After finding out that this wings place was a 2-hour wait, we headed over to Boston Pizza only to find that it closed at midnight. So, what were we to do? Why go to a Chinese restaurant of course! Because, they are the only ones opened til the AM after all. It was funny because this girl and I were both Chinese failures and looked ridiculous trying to figure what each dish was by reading the English. We ended up getting chicken fried rice. Original, eh? Dinner ended, and we were each on our way home.
Overall, it was an amazing day. Good people. Great laughs. Now, I have a Wonderland hangover--tired like no other.
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer each day
So close that I can't see what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know
-------------------------
I went to Wonderland yesterday for the first time in years. I'd have to say it was probably the most fun I've had in a very long time. I haven't seen some of these people in five months! Which made the day all the better. I also got to meet some pretty amazing people as well. It all started off waiting at Yorkdale Bus Terminal to go to Wonderland. It was pretty packed that they had to start a new bus. Luckily, all six of us got on and found seats, and we were finally on our way to meet the rest of the crew.
We arrived at Wonderland and it was crazy. We had an odd number of people in our group, not so ideal with Wonderland. So, we had to do a rotation of who had to sit by themselves. But it all worked out in the end. We started off the day waiting in the boiling sun for Top Gun, then Italian Job, and then The Behemoth (it's actually not scary at all). We left the park and headed off to Wendy's for lunch. I knew by the time we got back, it was waterpark time so I was thinking that I shouldn't eat too much because I wanted to look good. And it was hilarious because after thinking that, this guy says the same thing. I actually cracked up soo hard.
It was honestly terrifying to go into the water park. I haven't put on a swimsuit in ages. I bought my bathing suit last week and thought it I looked pretty good in it. But actual people are here. People I know. Shit. Shortly after, just by looking around, nobody cared what anyone else looked like. NOBODY. There were obvious people who looked amazing in two-piece bikinis, and some people who didn't so much. But those people who I thought didn't look good in whatever they were wearing, they were having such an amazing time going on water rides, and just hanging out with their friends. So I thought to myself, I could either be the person who watched everyone else's stuff, or the person who was having an amazing time in whatever I was wearing. I opted for the latter. I put on my swimsuit, went back to our camp, and just started having fun with friends. And, I had someone to hang out with in the shallow end of the wave pool because we both couldn't swim! But he went a little deeper because he was like 4 inches taller than me. Haha. Anyways, we went on a few rides and then the lazy river a few times, and this one guy forces me into the waterfall! But it was all in good fun, even though I was in it for a good 20 seconds. It was actually really funny. The waterpark closed at 6, so we had to make our way out to the land park.
We went on a few more rides. Since it was later on in the day, all the wait times were than 10 minutes or less! While we were waiting for Minebuster, the guy who I was sitting with had a giant "Would you rather" game. Some of them got extremely ridiculous, but nonetheless fun. But as great as the day was, it finally came to an end as the park closed.
I found out that a couple of people lived in Mississauga, therefore, I found a way home. A bunch of us were going out to eat after. After finding out that this wings place was a 2-hour wait, we headed over to Boston Pizza only to find that it closed at midnight. So, what were we to do? Why go to a Chinese restaurant of course! Because, they are the only ones opened til the AM after all. It was funny because this girl and I were both Chinese failures and looked ridiculous trying to figure what each dish was by reading the English. We ended up getting chicken fried rice. Original, eh? Dinner ended, and we were each on our way home.
Overall, it was an amazing day. Good people. Great laughs. Now, I have a Wonderland hangover--tired like no other.
Monday, June 22, 2009
The Running Man
I'm being held captive
Something's got a hold of me
Stay until death
Splits us up and calls the judge
To ask if you believe
You've lost your soul for eternity
But you've never been free
When it's said and done
We can run
It's our eternity
But for now, I've been trapped, oh
Too long to take these roads
Tell me when you see the smoke
Hear my cry and bring me back to home
Arrested by your love, girl
Constant search from the floor
Badly beaten in love, girl
Turn the key and lock the door
Send an SOS through a telegraphic note
Expressed in shreds
Written in code, signed to a note
'Cause nobody should know
What it's like to be alone
So take back your soul
A lot to uphold
A lie to be told
'Cause love's not set in stone
But for now, I've been trapped, oh
Too long to take these roads
Tell me when you see the smoke
Hear my cry and bring me back to home
Arrested by your love, girl
Constant search from the floor
Badly beaten in love, girl
Turn the key and lock the door
Come as you are, my darling
Bare bones so I can see your soul
I'm beginning to lose control
I need to know who's starting
To crumble down my nervous walls
Had to stumble for far too long
Come as you are, come as you are
I'm beginning to lose control
I need to know, I need to know
You're beginning to lose control
Arrested by your love, girl
Constant search from the floor
Barely beating in love, girl
Turn the key and lock the door
Come as you are, come as you are
I'm beginning to lose control
I need to know, I need to know
You're beginning to lose control
-----------------------------
Let's just say it. I'm not one to confront. I hate confrontation. Why? Because there's better things to do and it's not my problem. Yeah, that might be a little conceited or selfish in that matter, but I don't even care at this moment. I hate having to live my life through the approval of others. I wish I could do whatever the fuck I want and not be reprimanded for my actions. I wish I could make decisions without thinking, "Oh, what would ______ think of me?" or "______ wouldn't like that." Fuck. I'm starting to get so tired of this shit. You have no idea what shit I get into when I make sacrifices. You don't even fucking know it. No one fucking knows what I have to deal with. Not even the closest people to me. I'm a very private person. To know me so far, you'd have to know me for a while. Even then, there are things that I wouldn't tell you. And you would be fucking surprised. What pisses me off is when people are indirect of their own feelings. Yeah, I'm probably a hypocrite on this one. I'm not a fan of feeling sharing. I let things blow over because I don't have fucking time to dwell on feelings. Yes, I am a robot that will self-destruct one day, but not today. Fact is, I do not like playing games. Especially, when you and I both know the rules. But if you cut the bullshit, I will too. I can handle whatever the fuck you throw at me, can you? When people piss me off, I have to walk away. Let things blow over. Give enough time and I'll be rational. When I'm angry, I'll fucking launch boulders of shit at you with no regrets. And even that, is rare. I can hold a grudge like no tomorrow. I have stuff from a year ago. No lie. Am I pissed at this moment? Kinda.
Something's got a hold of me
Stay until death
Splits us up and calls the judge
To ask if you believe
You've lost your soul for eternity
But you've never been free
When it's said and done
We can run
It's our eternity
But for now, I've been trapped, oh
Too long to take these roads
Tell me when you see the smoke
Hear my cry and bring me back to home
Arrested by your love, girl
Constant search from the floor
Badly beaten in love, girl
Turn the key and lock the door
Send an SOS through a telegraphic note
Expressed in shreds
Written in code, signed to a note
'Cause nobody should know
What it's like to be alone
So take back your soul
A lot to uphold
A lie to be told
'Cause love's not set in stone
But for now, I've been trapped, oh
Too long to take these roads
Tell me when you see the smoke
Hear my cry and bring me back to home
Arrested by your love, girl
Constant search from the floor
Badly beaten in love, girl
Turn the key and lock the door
Come as you are, my darling
Bare bones so I can see your soul
I'm beginning to lose control
I need to know who's starting
To crumble down my nervous walls
Had to stumble for far too long
Come as you are, come as you are
I'm beginning to lose control
I need to know, I need to know
You're beginning to lose control
Arrested by your love, girl
Constant search from the floor
Barely beating in love, girl
Turn the key and lock the door
Come as you are, come as you are
I'm beginning to lose control
I need to know, I need to know
You're beginning to lose control
-----------------------------
Let's just say it. I'm not one to confront. I hate confrontation. Why? Because there's better things to do and it's not my problem. Yeah, that might be a little conceited or selfish in that matter, but I don't even care at this moment. I hate having to live my life through the approval of others. I wish I could do whatever the fuck I want and not be reprimanded for my actions. I wish I could make decisions without thinking, "Oh, what would ______ think of me?" or "______ wouldn't like that." Fuck. I'm starting to get so tired of this shit. You have no idea what shit I get into when I make sacrifices. You don't even fucking know it. No one fucking knows what I have to deal with. Not even the closest people to me. I'm a very private person. To know me so far, you'd have to know me for a while. Even then, there are things that I wouldn't tell you. And you would be fucking surprised. What pisses me off is when people are indirect of their own feelings. Yeah, I'm probably a hypocrite on this one. I'm not a fan of feeling sharing. I let things blow over because I don't have fucking time to dwell on feelings. Yes, I am a robot that will self-destruct one day, but not today. Fact is, I do not like playing games. Especially, when you and I both know the rules. But if you cut the bullshit, I will too. I can handle whatever the fuck you throw at me, can you? When people piss me off, I have to walk away. Let things blow over. Give enough time and I'll be rational. When I'm angry, I'll fucking launch boulders of shit at you with no regrets. And even that, is rare. I can hold a grudge like no tomorrow. I have stuff from a year ago. No lie. Am I pissed at this moment? Kinda.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
If This Isn't Love
I'm calling his phone up just to tell him how much
I really love him 'cause he's everything I want
He listens to me, cares for me so I truly believe
God sent me an angel from above
That's gonna love me for life
Might as well be perfect only because
It's the only way I can describe, so
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I could be dreaming or just plain crazy
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I never felt like this baby
If this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
I'm selfish 'cause I don't wanna share him with nobody
Not even those people that came before me
But see, I never believed
God would send me an angel up from above
That's gonna love me for life
Might as well be perfect only because
It's the only way I can describe, so
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I could be dreaming or just plain crazy
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I never felt like this baby
If this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh
So if you got real love
Lemme see you put your hands up
See you put your hands up
The kind of love that fits quite like a glove
Lemme see you put your hands up
See you put your hands up
If this isn't love
'Cause I know I ain't crazy
I know I ain't tripping
I know I ain't slipping
I know that it's love
You see me with my hands up
If you think I'm dreaming
I know I ain't dreaming
'Cause this is the reason I love him because
If this isn't love
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I could be dreaming or just plain crazy
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I never felt like this baby
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
Love, L O V E
Love, L O V E
--------------------------
I spent my father's day actually with my father. Haha. He took me shopping. I went all over the town in search of a swimsuit. I wasn't going to go to Wonderland this year, because of money issues. But after thinking about it/having a nice giant group of people to go with, I thought what the hell, it'll probably be years until I go again. And, I'll be able to go with you ladies sometime in the summer too, because my dad said he would be able to get me extremely cheap tickets, prob underground somewhere... I mean work. Thus, I needed a swimsuit because everyone I'm going with, I mean everyone, wanted to go to the water park. So question. One piece? Two pieces? Three? What?! I had no idea what I wanted, what looked good,what the hell to get pretty much. I ended up going to Bikini Bay on Orfus Road. No luck. Regular priced everything pretty much. Waste of time. Then, onwards to Scarborough Town Center next. Lucky for me, Sears and The Bay were having major sales on swimwear. Needless to say, I ended up getting a swimsuit for $20.99 (Reg. Price $49.99, sale price $29.99, plus additional 30% off!). It's a navy blue halter one-piece. But it's one of those ones that you've prob seen everywhere/trendy this year. It's the one where you have the sides completely bare, with the stomach covered, and an open back.
Similar to this one: http://www.lavieenrose.com/catalog/detail.jsp?product_code=732-722-1-92&category=1018
But navy obviously, and better. It comes attached with the slightest little skirt to cover the crotch, thus eliminating the need of water shorts! And, it looked surprisingly alright on me. Plus, time for my tat to shine =). Sure, it would look amazing on a stick, but it looks pretty good on me. I literally spent 30 mins in the fitting room with it on. And, the fitting rooms at The Bay are awesome that they have those 3-panel mirrors. The bathing suit shows alot of skin, but less than a two piece for sure. It's prob the perfect solution to getting the sexiness of a two-piece, but not having to be completely naked. It's definitely a bold choice from my usual body covering ways. I hope I don't chicken out and wear a giant t-shirt. I'll update you on how it goes...
I really love him 'cause he's everything I want
He listens to me, cares for me so I truly believe
God sent me an angel from above
That's gonna love me for life
Might as well be perfect only because
It's the only way I can describe, so
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I could be dreaming or just plain crazy
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I never felt like this baby
If this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
I'm selfish 'cause I don't wanna share him with nobody
Not even those people that came before me
But see, I never believed
God would send me an angel up from above
That's gonna love me for life
Might as well be perfect only because
It's the only way I can describe, so
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I could be dreaming or just plain crazy
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I never felt like this baby
If this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh
So if you got real love
Lemme see you put your hands up
See you put your hands up
The kind of love that fits quite like a glove
Lemme see you put your hands up
See you put your hands up
If this isn't love
'Cause I know I ain't crazy
I know I ain't tripping
I know I ain't slipping
I know that it's love
You see me with my hands up
If you think I'm dreaming
I know I ain't dreaming
'Cause this is the reason I love him because
If this isn't love
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I could be dreaming or just plain crazy
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I never felt like this baby
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
Love, L O V E
Love, L O V E
--------------------------
I spent my father's day actually with my father. Haha. He took me shopping. I went all over the town in search of a swimsuit. I wasn't going to go to Wonderland this year, because of money issues. But after thinking about it/having a nice giant group of people to go with, I thought what the hell, it'll probably be years until I go again. And, I'll be able to go with you ladies sometime in the summer too, because my dad said he would be able to get me extremely cheap tickets, prob underground somewhere... I mean work. Thus, I needed a swimsuit because everyone I'm going with, I mean everyone, wanted to go to the water park. So question. One piece? Two pieces? Three? What?! I had no idea what I wanted, what looked good,what the hell to get pretty much. I ended up going to Bikini Bay on Orfus Road. No luck. Regular priced everything pretty much. Waste of time. Then, onwards to Scarborough Town Center next. Lucky for me, Sears and The Bay were having major sales on swimwear. Needless to say, I ended up getting a swimsuit for $20.99 (Reg. Price $49.99, sale price $29.99, plus additional 30% off!). It's a navy blue halter one-piece. But it's one of those ones that you've prob seen everywhere/trendy this year. It's the one where you have the sides completely bare, with the stomach covered, and an open back.
Similar to this one: http://www.lavieenrose.com/catalog/detail.jsp?product_code=732-722-1-92&category=1018
But navy obviously, and better. It comes attached with the slightest little skirt to cover the crotch, thus eliminating the need of water shorts! And, it looked surprisingly alright on me. Plus, time for my tat to shine =). Sure, it would look amazing on a stick, but it looks pretty good on me. I literally spent 30 mins in the fitting room with it on. And, the fitting rooms at The Bay are awesome that they have those 3-panel mirrors. The bathing suit shows alot of skin, but less than a two piece for sure. It's prob the perfect solution to getting the sexiness of a two-piece, but not having to be completely naked. It's definitely a bold choice from my usual body covering ways. I hope I don't chicken out and wear a giant t-shirt. I'll update you on how it goes...
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Don't Let Me Stop You
I used to be a little bit shy
I kept my deepest feelings inside
Speaking up to you about my
Emotions has always been hard
But this just can't wait
Tonight I feel a little but brave
So I won't let one more day pass without you explaining what we are
This is gonna sound kind of silly
But I couldn't help but notice
The last time you kissed me
You kept both eyes open
Baby can you tell me what does that mean
If you're looking over your shoulder
Then you don't need to be with me
And I don't need to hold on
Don't let me stop you
From doing what you want to do
You don't want to stick, trust me it's cool
Take no chance get over you
Don't let me stop you
If you wanna leave baby you can leave
Just don't pretend that you're into me
If it ain't true
No, don't let me stop you
A lot of things I can take
Got a high threshold for pain
But let's get one thing straight
I'm not down to share you with anyone
If that's not what you're looking for
Nice knowing you but there's the door
'Cause I know that I could find someone
Who'll give me what I want
This is gonna sound kind of silly
If you're looking over your shoulder
Then you don't need to be with me
And I don't need to hold on
Don't let me stop you
From doing what you want to do
You don't want to stick, trust me it's cool
Take no chance get over you
Don't let me stop you
If you wanna leave baby you can leave
Just don't pretend that you're into me
If it ain't true
No, don't let me stop you
Even if I end up broken hearted
I won't lie, I don't wanna hear your goodbye
But either way I'll be alright
Don't let me stop you
From doing what you want to do
You don't want to stick, trust me it's cool
Take no chance get over you
Don't let me stop you
If you wanna leave baby you can leave
Just don't pretend that you're into me
If it ain't true
No, don't let me stop you
------------------------
When my heart hurts, I can't help but to turn to watch a love story. Idealism calms me.
I kept my deepest feelings inside
Speaking up to you about my
Emotions has always been hard
But this just can't wait
Tonight I feel a little but brave
So I won't let one more day pass without you explaining what we are
This is gonna sound kind of silly
But I couldn't help but notice
The last time you kissed me
You kept both eyes open
Baby can you tell me what does that mean
If you're looking over your shoulder
Then you don't need to be with me
And I don't need to hold on
Don't let me stop you
From doing what you want to do
You don't want to stick, trust me it's cool
Take no chance get over you
Don't let me stop you
If you wanna leave baby you can leave
Just don't pretend that you're into me
If it ain't true
No, don't let me stop you
A lot of things I can take
Got a high threshold for pain
But let's get one thing straight
I'm not down to share you with anyone
If that's not what you're looking for
Nice knowing you but there's the door
'Cause I know that I could find someone
Who'll give me what I want
This is gonna sound kind of silly
If you're looking over your shoulder
Then you don't need to be with me
And I don't need to hold on
Don't let me stop you
From doing what you want to do
You don't want to stick, trust me it's cool
Take no chance get over you
Don't let me stop you
If you wanna leave baby you can leave
Just don't pretend that you're into me
If it ain't true
No, don't let me stop you
Even if I end up broken hearted
I won't lie, I don't wanna hear your goodbye
But either way I'll be alright
Don't let me stop you
From doing what you want to do
You don't want to stick, trust me it's cool
Take no chance get over you
Don't let me stop you
If you wanna leave baby you can leave
Just don't pretend that you're into me
If it ain't true
No, don't let me stop you
------------------------
When my heart hurts, I can't help but to turn to watch a love story. Idealism calms me.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Already Gone
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have work out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone
Ahhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Ahhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Remember all the tings we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone
------------------------
Last week, I've started to change my lifestyle, by becoming healthier. I've always thought of it as "I have to be skinny. I can't be this way anymore." But after only like a week, I'm starting to take a new perspective. I need to be taking care of myself better. Get physically active, eat healthier. Change my routines pretty much. Before last week, I haven't gone to the gym seriously in over 8 months. Now, after just a brief reintroduction, I immediately feel better after doing like 30 minutes of cardio. I feel like I'm doing something better for myself. Plus, I'm eating pretty healthy. Before this, I was always in bed, eating, streaming vids, then sleeping. I'd eat junk, and not care how much I just ate. Now, I think twice. I have to. "Is this really good for me? Can I live without it?" All in all, I'm doing my body a favour. Although the combination of excercise and eating less has left me super tired most of the time, I can honestly say that I'm feeling better. The guilt being physically inactive and eating like a madwoman is actually disappearing on me. I need to do this for no one else but me. If I continued with my lifestyle before, I'd have to come to this moment later on in life, but it'd be harder. I'm 21 now, and there's no time like the present. Live better now, to live better later, and in the end, to live longer. I can do this.
Screw summer flings. I'm not going to need anyone else's validation anymore. This summer is going to be about me.
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have work out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone
Ahhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Ahhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Remember all the tings we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone
------------------------
Last week, I've started to change my lifestyle, by becoming healthier. I've always thought of it as "I have to be skinny. I can't be this way anymore." But after only like a week, I'm starting to take a new perspective. I need to be taking care of myself better. Get physically active, eat healthier. Change my routines pretty much. Before last week, I haven't gone to the gym seriously in over 8 months. Now, after just a brief reintroduction, I immediately feel better after doing like 30 minutes of cardio. I feel like I'm doing something better for myself. Plus, I'm eating pretty healthy. Before this, I was always in bed, eating, streaming vids, then sleeping. I'd eat junk, and not care how much I just ate. Now, I think twice. I have to. "Is this really good for me? Can I live without it?" All in all, I'm doing my body a favour. Although the combination of excercise and eating less has left me super tired most of the time, I can honestly say that I'm feeling better. The guilt being physically inactive and eating like a madwoman is actually disappearing on me. I need to do this for no one else but me. If I continued with my lifestyle before, I'd have to come to this moment later on in life, but it'd be harder. I'm 21 now, and there's no time like the present. Live better now, to live better later, and in the end, to live longer. I can do this.
Screw summer flings. I'm not going to need anyone else's validation anymore. This summer is going to be about me.
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