The Best

On a perfect day
Somewhat like today
We will find each other there
We will find each other there
And somewhat like the month we first met
We can't forget the way I loved you
But I can't pretend how far we've gone
And we can not mend what damage has been done
No, we can not mend what damage is done now
But then we shall come home and
Become the best ones we could have been
Oh the best we could have been
Oh the best we could have been, now

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Saturday night ritual is chilling. Single girl with a chick flick. Alone. Doing nothing, but escaping into a world where happiness is 130 minutes away. Sure, going out and getting drunk is a fun thing to do and that I should introduce it into my schedule more often. But, the thing is sometimes, going out is tiring. And, something that I could easily get sick of, as if it were a chore. Easily imagined. Maybe I'm just rationalizing my non-existent life. Anyways, something I will never get sick of is watching a good movie in bed. I could watch and re-watch movies any day of the week. Vicarious living I say! Loser, maybe? Probably. I did spend all day yesterday watching all five Harry Potter movies.

I watched P.S. I Love You today, starring Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler, and a surprising appearance by the dude who plays Denny in Grey's Anatomy. What a sweet surprise! But unlike most chick-flicks, this movie was about dealing with the death of a loved one. Hilary Swank's character, Holly, loses her husband, Gerry, played by Gerard Butler, to brain cancer. Before he died, he creates an elaborate plan to help Holly move on. In the end, this is definitely true love.

Sure, you want to find that one person you are meant to be with. You imagined this person when you were 10 maybe? 16? Nonetheless, you feel your life is incomplete when there is no one to share it with. You spend most days, just waiting. Waiting for this stranger to walk into your life. One day, if you're lucky, this stranger does. You fall in love. Suddenly, the love of your life dies. What now? That's what I liked about P.S. I Love You. Sure, it's a sappy movie, but made not using the same recipe as the rest. When people think of finding the one, they don't often think about what happens after you lose them.

Would you love someone knowing the exact date they would die?

Lose It

Well it's that time
It's that time again
Well it's all coming back around
There she sees me
Oh my god, this is who I've been
And I'm branding each day

Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
(Go, go)
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all

Immediately we find out then
That I can be blamed for this
Well then you just figured out today
And you're so sweet, you say..
Go now and get your own life and live it your way
And I hear you say..

Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
(Go, go)
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all

Hey
Hey hey
Whoaaaa
Hey, hey, hey
Well and if we find another then
We will get ours
And if we find another then
We will get ours

She's picking up her clothes
She's off and she's running
She says to me
'Go on and lose it'
I think she means well but
Man I can't tell as she says to me
'Go on and lose it all'
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it all

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Why is it that girls are attracted to unavailable boys? Is it the fact that they are forbidden, meaning the classic case of always want what you can't have? Or, is it that they have been "girl-approved" and there is no shame in wanting this particular person? In a couple, you want to look good with each other. This goes for boys too. There has to be a balance of the "how did he get her?" and "how did she get him?" reaction. "This girl is dating him, so it must be ok if I do." Problem is, he's hers. Is it that the unavailability counts as some sort of stamp of approval?

Since I'm in this riddle me this phase, why is it that girls are attracted to the "bad boy"? How is it that in today's society, acting like a jackass gets you girls? I am too, guilty of this syndrome. Perhaps, it's the need to piss off the parentals. Or, maybe we think the mysterious demeanor, edgyness, toughness, and the "fuck you" attitude will equal to some idealistic sexual scenario? Do we just tell ourselves that these bad boys are jerks around everyone else but us? Can we change them? In the end, our blindness caused by his "hotness" falls through and we find ourselves wishing we didn't waste time on these jerks when we could've spent time with a nice, sensible boy. Bad boys are the fads, and nice boys are the classics. The ones that you wished you had bought in the first place, instead of buying those sparkle pants that are way past its 30 days. Nice boys come last only because girls realize things slowly. If only girl brain could figure it out sooner, the world would be a better place.

What makes us attracted to a person? Is it the characteristics in ourselves in others that we like? The characteristics that we wished we had seen in the other person? Is it the six-pack? The sexy-back? Or, is it that they are themselves no matter what?

Say Anything (Else)

And baby don't follow their lead
'cause you'll never know
Just how the story ends, or how the story goes
And you are so confused
And baby it's just like you
To say anything else

Whenever you get this way
Just getting up for the let down,
Mmm here they come, and yes, they're here to stay
Just getting up for the let down

Oh I'm here to say that you're the star you wanna be
Just open up and look inside and you will see, yeah

Someday you'll sing it out loud
One day this will make you proud
Whoa oh, "I know..."
Whoa oh.

And baby don't follow their lead
'cause you never know
Just how the story ends, or how the story goes
And you are so confused,
And baby it's just like you
To say anything else

It's time for you to understand
Stop getting up for the let down
Oh, who you are is not up to them
Stop getting up for the let down

And I'm here to say that you're the star you wanna be
Just open up and look inside you will see

Someday you'll sing it out loud
One day this will make you proud
Whoa oh, "I know..."
Whoa oh.

Someday you'll sing it out loud
One day this will make you proud
Whoa oh, "I know..."
"I know..." is never good enough

So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by

And so to get what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
You're wasting everybody's time
You're saying anything that gets you by

It's not, not, not gonna get you,
Gonna get you by

Someday you'll sing it out loud
One day this will make you proud
Whoa oh, "I know..."
"I know..." is never good enough

Someday you'll sing it out loud
One day this will make you proud
Whoa oh, "I know..."
Whoa oh,
Whoa oh, "I know..."
"I know..." is never good enough

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One of my many, upon many, fears is the fact that I'm not good enough. I'm sure everyone has their self-doubts. Doubts about who they are, what their purpose in life is, and most importantly, doubts about their abilities and untapped potential to be the best they can be. Sure I sound like every person in the world, but the fact is that I can't help it. For some reason, I need the validation to move on. What if the validation doesn't exist. What happens next? Crumble and fall? I sure hope not. I hope that I am able to come to an understanding that I can't please everyone around me. I am bound to disappoint others, and vice versa. But what comes from that, is the prospect of confidence and acceptance. The ability to believe in myself and the courage to trample those who strive to kick me to the ground. I hope for the future that I am able to mature into a stronger person than I am today. So step number one in this process? Fuck you, haters.