Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have work out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone
Ahhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Ahhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Remember all the tings we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone
------------------------
Last week, I've started to change my lifestyle, by becoming healthier. I've always thought of it as "I have to be skinny. I can't be this way anymore." But after only like a week, I'm starting to take a new perspective. I need to be taking care of myself better. Get physically active, eat healthier. Change my routines pretty much. Before last week, I haven't gone to the gym seriously in over 8 months. Now, after just a brief reintroduction, I immediately feel better after doing like 30 minutes of cardio. I feel like I'm doing something better for myself. Plus, I'm eating pretty healthy. Before this, I was always in bed, eating, streaming vids, then sleeping. I'd eat junk, and not care how much I just ate. Now, I think twice. I have to. "Is this really good for me? Can I live without it?" All in all, I'm doing my body a favour. Although the combination of excercise and eating less has left me super tired most of the time, I can honestly say that I'm feeling better. The guilt being physically inactive and eating like a madwoman is actually disappearing on me. I need to do this for no one else but me. If I continued with my lifestyle before, I'd have to come to this moment later on in life, but it'd be harder. I'm 21 now, and there's no time like the present. Live better now, to live better later, and in the end, to live longer. I can do this.
Screw summer flings. I'm not going to need anyone else's validation anymore. This summer is going to be about me.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Song To Say Goodbye
You are one of God's mistakes,
You crying, tragic waste of skin,
I'm well aware of how it aches ,
And you still won't let me in.
Now I'm breaking down your door,
To try and save your swollen face ,
Though I don't like you anymore,
You lying, trying waste of space..
Before our innocence was lost,
You were always one of those ,
Blessed with lucky sevens ,
And the voice that made me cry .
My Oh My.
You were mother nature's son ,
Someone to whom I could relate ,
Your needle and your damage done,
Remains a sordid twist of fate.
Now I'm trying to wake you up ,
To pull you from the liquid sky ,
Coz if I don't we'll both end up ,
With just your song to say goodbye.
My Oh My.
A song to say goodbye,
A song to say goodbye ,
A song to say...
Before our innocence was lost,
You were always one of those,
Blessed with lucky sevens,
And the voice that made me cry.
It's a song to say goodbye.
-----------------------------
I want to love myself. Honestly, I do. Why is it that when others say one thing, I think another? How can I trust what they say is the truth when people lie all the time? Like, I realize that I am not a bad person, and that I could be worse off. But I can't help wanting to change every bit of me with all my might. I know I'll never be perfect. I won't have thighs that don't touch, or ever be model thin. But, I just want to look different than I do now. I feel that if I workout hard, I can have some sort of control.
I'm superficial in a way I guess. Actually, I'm extremely superficial when it comes to myself. I think that the way I think is how others think. Skin deep and nothing more. I have a image of myself in my head and it's completely different than what I am now. I want to be this person. I know that I won't be happier, but at least I have one thing that makes me less happy. I guess that I want to give some sort of value to myself. If my life sucks, at least I'm skinny. It's horrible, but it's one less thing to complain about. I know that losing a few pounds will not make anyone like me more. I know that, but it's hard because how do I know they won't? I realize that even so, those are not the people I want surrounding me at all. But I can't help thinking this way.
I am not comfortable with myself.
You crying, tragic waste of skin,
I'm well aware of how it aches ,
And you still won't let me in.
Now I'm breaking down your door,
To try and save your swollen face ,
Though I don't like you anymore,
You lying, trying waste of space..
Before our innocence was lost,
You were always one of those ,
Blessed with lucky sevens ,
And the voice that made me cry .
My Oh My.
You were mother nature's son ,
Someone to whom I could relate ,
Your needle and your damage done,
Remains a sordid twist of fate.
Now I'm trying to wake you up ,
To pull you from the liquid sky ,
Coz if I don't we'll both end up ,
With just your song to say goodbye.
My Oh My.
A song to say goodbye,
A song to say goodbye ,
A song to say...
Before our innocence was lost,
You were always one of those,
Blessed with lucky sevens,
And the voice that made me cry.
It's a song to say goodbye.
-----------------------------
I want to love myself. Honestly, I do. Why is it that when others say one thing, I think another? How can I trust what they say is the truth when people lie all the time? Like, I realize that I am not a bad person, and that I could be worse off. But I can't help wanting to change every bit of me with all my might. I know I'll never be perfect. I won't have thighs that don't touch, or ever be model thin. But, I just want to look different than I do now. I feel that if I workout hard, I can have some sort of control.
I'm superficial in a way I guess. Actually, I'm extremely superficial when it comes to myself. I think that the way I think is how others think. Skin deep and nothing more. I have a image of myself in my head and it's completely different than what I am now. I want to be this person. I know that I won't be happier, but at least I have one thing that makes me less happy. I guess that I want to give some sort of value to myself. If my life sucks, at least I'm skinny. It's horrible, but it's one less thing to complain about. I know that losing a few pounds will not make anyone like me more. I know that, but it's hard because how do I know they won't? I realize that even so, those are not the people I want surrounding me at all. But I can't help thinking this way.
I am not comfortable with myself.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Broken Strings
Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything
When I love you,
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking,
It's the voice of someone else
Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late
Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell something that ain't real
Well the truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late (too late)
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain't real
Well truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
----------------------------
Lately, my life has been a bit dull. But that's completely on my end. I've been slightly complaining that my life should be started right now. In all reality though, I have my entire life ahead of me. I'm just being such a girl... a child really... wanting everything now. But I've realized that I would rather have things happen to me later in life and have it right in every way, than to have it half-assed and wrong for me now. All-in-all, enjoy the good times now. Technically, these are still the carefree days. Take advantage of it.
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything
When I love you,
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking,
It's the voice of someone else
Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late
Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell something that ain't real
Well the truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late (too late)
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain't real
Well truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
----------------------------
Lately, my life has been a bit dull. But that's completely on my end. I've been slightly complaining that my life should be started right now. In all reality though, I have my entire life ahead of me. I'm just being such a girl... a child really... wanting everything now. But I've realized that I would rather have things happen to me later in life and have it right in every way, than to have it half-assed and wrong for me now. All-in-all, enjoy the good times now. Technically, these are still the carefree days. Take advantage of it.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Miss Delaney
Finally, I'm letting go
Of all my downer thoughts
In no time there'll be
One less sad robot
Looking for a chance to be
Something more than just metal
Now I'm going part time
With a film projectionist
And she's the vinyl queen
From my surfer dream
She likes the beach boys
More than radio metal
And she's so good
But, she's no good for me
Oh, Miss Delaney
What's the matter?
You waited by the window
(You waited by the window)
I waited by the door
Oh, Miss Delaney
Where's your boyfriend?
He isn't up in heaven, so
Why treat him like he's dead
It's not that everyday
Everyday is coming up
With the green grass
But the times pass, when
I think of you
Whenever I'm at dinner
Finally
I've found someone to dull this lonely scene
I don't spend my nights searching for earthquakes (oh)
It's biblical how fucked my sleep can be
But she won't sleep with me
Oh, Miss Delaney
What's the matter?
You waited by the window
I waited by the door
Oh, Miss Delaney
Where's your boyfriend?
He isn't up in heaven, so
Why treat him like he's dead
Like he's dead, like he's dead
From here you can find everything
Arin, I
Would never lie to you
Oh, Miss Delaney (Miss Delaney)
Whatcha sad for?
You waited by the window
And I was kicking down your door
Oh, Miss Delaney
Where's your boyfriend?
(Where's your boyfriend)
He isn't up in heaven, so
Why treat him like he's dead
Oh, Miss Delaney
----------------------------
The past few days I've been a bit off with the blogging partially because I have no life and therefore no story with the blog, and partially because I've been keeping a separate journal thing about me becoming more healthy. So it's pretty dull in between the gym routine and food diary. So, probably for the next couple months, I probably will be blogging on a weekly basis or something.
Life, please start soon. I've waiting long enough I think...
Of all my downer thoughts
In no time there'll be
One less sad robot
Looking for a chance to be
Something more than just metal
Now I'm going part time
With a film projectionist
And she's the vinyl queen
From my surfer dream
She likes the beach boys
More than radio metal
And she's so good
But, she's no good for me
Oh, Miss Delaney
What's the matter?
You waited by the window
(You waited by the window)
I waited by the door
Oh, Miss Delaney
Where's your boyfriend?
He isn't up in heaven, so
Why treat him like he's dead
It's not that everyday
Everyday is coming up
With the green grass
But the times pass, when
I think of you
Whenever I'm at dinner
Finally
I've found someone to dull this lonely scene
I don't spend my nights searching for earthquakes (oh)
It's biblical how fucked my sleep can be
But she won't sleep with me
Oh, Miss Delaney
What's the matter?
You waited by the window
I waited by the door
Oh, Miss Delaney
Where's your boyfriend?
He isn't up in heaven, so
Why treat him like he's dead
Like he's dead, like he's dead
From here you can find everything
Arin, I
Would never lie to you
Oh, Miss Delaney (Miss Delaney)
Whatcha sad for?
You waited by the window
And I was kicking down your door
Oh, Miss Delaney
Where's your boyfriend?
(Where's your boyfriend)
He isn't up in heaven, so
Why treat him like he's dead
Oh, Miss Delaney
----------------------------
The past few days I've been a bit off with the blogging partially because I have no life and therefore no story with the blog, and partially because I've been keeping a separate journal thing about me becoming more healthy. So it's pretty dull in between the gym routine and food diary. So, probably for the next couple months, I probably will be blogging on a weekly basis or something.
Life, please start soon. I've waiting long enough I think...
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