Well, I can't sleep. I completed a 12-hour shift today, and clearly something is on my mind that is preventing me from taking a deep slumber. Hate it! I recently decided to apply for jobs. Yes, a little delayed, I know. Today I got a voicemail left by a lady from one of the workplaces I had applied to. Yes, it should be taken as good news to any job seeker, but the voicemail was so vague that it had me worried. I guess not many potential employers would take the time to call each candidate to tell them how badly their resume and/or cover letter sucked. Yet, this is what went through my mind. If someone wanted to set up an interview time, would they not state so in the voicemail? I guess maybe not if they want to actually speak to the person. Anyways, this ambiguity has gotten me all nervous because I hadn't told anyone at my current job that I was seeking other employment, nor have I taken the time off to set aside time for potential interviews. This lady calls today and the only time I can call her is between 9 and 9:30, or during my break at 1-2. Either way, I have no idea of knowing whether this could be a potential phone interview (which I am in no way prepared for) or just a simple set-up-for-an-interview-time. I really want this job and am extremely nervous that even calling the employer back is stressing me out so much that I cannot sleep. It's about 2am and I worked 12-hours today. What the hell. I have seriously been out of the interview game for soooo long!
On another note, it's almost mid-February, the second month of 2011. I am happy to report that I am maintaining a healthy weight and have been going to the gym. Yes, there have been times where I fell off the wagon a few times (gym or eating), but I haven't fallen far enough to not get back on again! Woot! So that's a plus. On another note, I have opened a savings account to get all my savings in order. Though there's only about $50 bucks or so in it at the moment, it's a step to saving the big dough. So 2011 is all about saving. I'm not sure for what actually. It was suppose to go towards independence (aka moving out) or paying off my student debt. Still a toss-up. And those books I borrowed from the library... they're sitting in a corner... my bad!
I feel like I am finally moving in some sort of direction. For the past 8 months, I haven't been motivated to do anything. Particularly applying to "real" jobs. Everyone I know knew what they wanted to be. Knew what they wanted to do as a career. But for me during this time, it was utter confusion. I had finished school for some degree I didn't care much for. And the question was, "Now what?" Before I knew it, it turned into 8 months. About a week ago, I found out that Jacob was closing all its Josef stores. If you didn't know, Josef is the high-end boutique of Jacob. Anyways, Jacob is having financial problems and decided to axe all its Josef stores, leaving its employees stranded. Luckily, I wasn't part of the store per say, but a helper from another store. I can keep my position and just move back to the Jacob store. However, when I first got the news, I was heartbroken in a way that I didn't think I would be. Since working at Josef, I felt a part of the store more so than my old one. I liked working at Josef. I felt like changing stores was a good thing and I was learning a lot. But knowing I had to go back to Jacob, though I would keep my new position, would be like a step backwards in some way. Then finding out that the women I've been working with wouldn't be able to be relocated, I felt sorry for them. To find out that the store could be closed within a month (a month maximum but could be closed anytime before), and not have a job? For some of them, this was their main source of income. These women are some of the most hilarious and kind people I ever met in my life. Considering these women are like 40+, it was surprising how they were hilarious and kind. Anyways, it got me thinking to what I wanted to do with my life, which is recruiting. Recruiting for other organizations to find the right talent for their companies. These women made me realize how many people out there have the right skills but perhaps find themselves in a situation that leaves them jobless, or can't find a job with the way the market is going. I guess the real reason I wanted to do recruiting was help people find a solution. Maybe that's why I worked in retail for so long? Maybe I'm just crazy.
This could be another one of those "Oooh, let's pick a career of the day" moments where I never look back and choose another career a week later. But for some reason, this is the most thought I've put into something. And, I actually applied for jobs in this field! Which is surprising because I haven't really applied to anything before at all! Let's hope the dice fall on on the right number for this game of life!
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Speak Now
I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl
I sneak in and see your friends, and her snotty little family
All dressed in pastel
And she is yelling at a bridesmaid, somewhere back inside a room
Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry
This is surely not what you thought it would be
I lose myself in a daydream where I stand and say
Don’t say yes, run away now
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the backdoor
Don’t wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out and they said speak now
Fun gestures are exchanged
And the organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march
And I am hiding in the curtains
It seems that I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be
She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen
But I know you wish she was me, you wish she was me
Don’t you?
Don’t say yes, run away now
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the backdoor
Don’t wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out and they said speak now
Don’t say yes, run away now
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the backdoor
Don’t wait or say a single vow
Your time is running out and they said speak now
I hear the preacher say speak now or forever hold your peace
There’s the silence, there’s my last chance
I stand up with shaking hands, all eyes on me
Horrified looks from everyone in the room
But I’m only looking at you
I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl
So don’t say yes, run away now
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the backdoor
Don’t wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out and they said speak now
And you say lets run away now
I’ll meet when I’m out of my tux at the backdoor
Baby I didn’t say my vows, so glad you were around
When they said ‘Speak now’
-------------------------
I'm always the one afraid of change. No matter how much I want to embrace it, it makes me feel very uneasy. I'm starting to work full-time at my job as a manager, and I can feel the responsibility! Every time I think of work, I get this weird feeling I used to get in school... like right before a presentation, or a client meeting, or getting my grades handed back to me. Nervous and anxious. But typically when it's over, I'm glad to have done it and that it's over with. I think I feel a little nervous because there are technical things that I still need to learn. And I think that I just need a little more practice. Either way, I'm glad I'm getting experience, and that there is change in my life! I know it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life, but it's good for now when I'm trying to figure things out. On a positive note, I get more stability. Anyone who knows me knows I love routine... and with working 40 hours a week, I can plan accordingly. And I'm kinda glad that I'll be working more because that means less time at home... which I would spend watching movies or streaming television shows, despite how much I love it! I'm such a homebody like no other. Occasionally, I feel the need for some sort of social interaction. But most of the time, I like being at home. Where I'm most comfortable, and there is no need to impress anyone! Hahah. But then I will never meet a guy! Now, that's serious...
Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl
I sneak in and see your friends, and her snotty little family
All dressed in pastel
And she is yelling at a bridesmaid, somewhere back inside a room
Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry
This is surely not what you thought it would be
I lose myself in a daydream where I stand and say
Don’t say yes, run away now
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the backdoor
Don’t wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out and they said speak now
Fun gestures are exchanged
And the organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march
And I am hiding in the curtains
It seems that I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be
She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen
But I know you wish she was me, you wish she was me
Don’t you?
Don’t say yes, run away now
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the backdoor
Don’t wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out and they said speak now
Don’t say yes, run away now
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the backdoor
Don’t wait or say a single vow
Your time is running out and they said speak now
I hear the preacher say speak now or forever hold your peace
There’s the silence, there’s my last chance
I stand up with shaking hands, all eyes on me
Horrified looks from everyone in the room
But I’m only looking at you
I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl
So don’t say yes, run away now
I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the backdoor
Don’t wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out and they said speak now
And you say lets run away now
I’ll meet when I’m out of my tux at the backdoor
Baby I didn’t say my vows, so glad you were around
When they said ‘Speak now’
-------------------------
I'm always the one afraid of change. No matter how much I want to embrace it, it makes me feel very uneasy. I'm starting to work full-time at my job as a manager, and I can feel the responsibility! Every time I think of work, I get this weird feeling I used to get in school... like right before a presentation, or a client meeting, or getting my grades handed back to me. Nervous and anxious. But typically when it's over, I'm glad to have done it and that it's over with. I think I feel a little nervous because there are technical things that I still need to learn. And I think that I just need a little more practice. Either way, I'm glad I'm getting experience, and that there is change in my life! I know it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life, but it's good for now when I'm trying to figure things out. On a positive note, I get more stability. Anyone who knows me knows I love routine... and with working 40 hours a week, I can plan accordingly. And I'm kinda glad that I'll be working more because that means less time at home... which I would spend watching movies or streaming television shows, despite how much I love it! I'm such a homebody like no other. Occasionally, I feel the need for some sort of social interaction. But most of the time, I like being at home. Where I'm most comfortable, and there is no need to impress anyone! Hahah. But then I will never meet a guy! Now, that's serious...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Mama's Song
Mama, you taught me to do the right things.
So, now you have to let your baby fly.
You've given me everything that I will need.
To make it through this crazy thing called life.
And I know you watched me grow up,
and only want what's best for me.
And I think I found the answer to your prayers.
And he is good, so good.
He treats your little girl,
like a real man should.
He is good, SO good.
He makes promises he keeps.
No, he's never gonna leave.
So, don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.
Mama, there's no way you'll ever lose me.
Giving me away is not goodbye.
As you watch me walk down to my future,
I hope tears of joy are in your eyes.
Cause, he is good, so good.
And, he treats your little girl,
like a real man should.
He is good, SO good.
He makes promises he keeps.
No, he's never gonna leave.
So, don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.
And when I watch my baby grow up,
I'll only want what's best for her.
And I hope she'll find,
the answer to my prayers.
And that she'll say...
He is good, so good.
And he treats your little girl,
like a real man should.
He is good, SO good.
He makes promises he keeps.
No, he's never gonna leave.
So, don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.
Mama, don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.
-------------------
At 22, it's not hard to believe that you're young, healthy, and strong. Nothing could hurt you. However, recent events have definitely put things into perspective. First, with my best friend who was in the hospital for a week, not too long ago. Only when someone's health and life are in danger, is when we realize how precious life is, and to not take things for granted. To tell those who matter, that you care and love them. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable for just one moment.
Just a day ago, I was in my bathroom. Feeling lightheaded, I placed both my hands on the sink counter to brace myself. I remember closing my eyes and saying to myself, "It's ok, you just need to lay down". Feeling like I was ok to start moving, I unlocked the door handle and opened the door. As I took a step, I felt a rush of lightheadness and my legs gave out. I had felt my head hit the tile and vibration was sent throughout my entire body. I then opened my eyes and heard my mom rush out of her room to find me laying in the bathroom.
I felt like an idiot. Couldn't even control my own body. Embarrassed. My mom then guided me to her bedroom and told me to lay in her bed until I felt better. She kept saying how scared she was because I had blacked out once before, and that out of my brother and sister, she always worried about me.
At 22, I was in my mother's arms and nothing in the world mattered. I was her baby. I was the most vulnerable I have been in quite some time. I was not invincible. Sometimes in life, we get little reminders of what matters. It's easy to focus on where's your life headed, what job you need, or how much you need to save. But once in a while, we need to cherish how good we have it. To have a family that loves you no matter what. To have friends who care for you so much. To have love in your life.
So, now you have to let your baby fly.
You've given me everything that I will need.
To make it through this crazy thing called life.
And I know you watched me grow up,
and only want what's best for me.
And I think I found the answer to your prayers.
And he is good, so good.
He treats your little girl,
like a real man should.
He is good, SO good.
He makes promises he keeps.
No, he's never gonna leave.
So, don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.
Mama, there's no way you'll ever lose me.
Giving me away is not goodbye.
As you watch me walk down to my future,
I hope tears of joy are in your eyes.
Cause, he is good, so good.
And, he treats your little girl,
like a real man should.
He is good, SO good.
He makes promises he keeps.
No, he's never gonna leave.
So, don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.
And when I watch my baby grow up,
I'll only want what's best for her.
And I hope she'll find,
the answer to my prayers.
And that she'll say...
He is good, so good.
And he treats your little girl,
like a real man should.
He is good, SO good.
He makes promises he keeps.
No, he's never gonna leave.
So, don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.
Mama, don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.
-------------------
At 22, it's not hard to believe that you're young, healthy, and strong. Nothing could hurt you. However, recent events have definitely put things into perspective. First, with my best friend who was in the hospital for a week, not too long ago. Only when someone's health and life are in danger, is when we realize how precious life is, and to not take things for granted. To tell those who matter, that you care and love them. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable for just one moment.
Just a day ago, I was in my bathroom. Feeling lightheaded, I placed both my hands on the sink counter to brace myself. I remember closing my eyes and saying to myself, "It's ok, you just need to lay down". Feeling like I was ok to start moving, I unlocked the door handle and opened the door. As I took a step, I felt a rush of lightheadness and my legs gave out. I had felt my head hit the tile and vibration was sent throughout my entire body. I then opened my eyes and heard my mom rush out of her room to find me laying in the bathroom.
I felt like an idiot. Couldn't even control my own body. Embarrassed. My mom then guided me to her bedroom and told me to lay in her bed until I felt better. She kept saying how scared she was because I had blacked out once before, and that out of my brother and sister, she always worried about me.
At 22, I was in my mother's arms and nothing in the world mattered. I was her baby. I was the most vulnerable I have been in quite some time. I was not invincible. Sometimes in life, we get little reminders of what matters. It's easy to focus on where's your life headed, what job you need, or how much you need to save. But once in a while, we need to cherish how good we have it. To have a family that loves you no matter what. To have friends who care for you so much. To have love in your life.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Something More
I lie awake again, my bodies feeling paralysed
I can’t remember when
I didn’t live through this disguise
The words you said to me
They couldn’t set me free
I'm stuck here in this life i didn’t ask for
There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?
Breathe in breathe out
And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store
Breathe in breathe out
The storm is rolling in
The thunders loud it hurts my ears
I'm paying for my sins
And its gunna rain for years and years
I fooled everyone and now what will i become?
I have to start this over
I have to start this over
There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?
Breathe in breathe out
And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store
Breathe in breathe out
I fooled everyone and now what will i become?
I have to start this over
I have to start this over
There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?
Breathe in breathe out
And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store
Breathe in breathe out
There must be something more
Breathe in breathe out
There must be something more
--------------
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Sometimes I wonder how I ended up here. In this particular point in my life. In hindsight, can I pinpoint the moment in my life so far, that could drastically change what is my life right now? If I had listened to my heart? Or if I had asked for help instead of trying to figure it out for myself? If I was willing to be a little less stubborn? If I should've spoken up instead of ignoring something? It's ridiculous to even think that if I had the opportunity to change something in my life, that it would drastically change my life today. As I'm wondering this now, I'd be very careful with future decisions. Potentially overthinking the most minute things. And taking less risks. Not living life. Oh the paradoxes in life.
I can’t remember when
I didn’t live through this disguise
The words you said to me
They couldn’t set me free
I'm stuck here in this life i didn’t ask for
There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?
Breathe in breathe out
And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store
Breathe in breathe out
The storm is rolling in
The thunders loud it hurts my ears
I'm paying for my sins
And its gunna rain for years and years
I fooled everyone and now what will i become?
I have to start this over
I have to start this over
There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?
Breathe in breathe out
And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store
Breathe in breathe out
I fooled everyone and now what will i become?
I have to start this over
I have to start this over
There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?
Breathe in breathe out
And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store
Breathe in breathe out
There must be something more
Breathe in breathe out
There must be something more
--------------
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Sometimes I wonder how I ended up here. In this particular point in my life. In hindsight, can I pinpoint the moment in my life so far, that could drastically change what is my life right now? If I had listened to my heart? Or if I had asked for help instead of trying to figure it out for myself? If I was willing to be a little less stubborn? If I should've spoken up instead of ignoring something? It's ridiculous to even think that if I had the opportunity to change something in my life, that it would drastically change my life today. As I'm wondering this now, I'd be very careful with future decisions. Potentially overthinking the most minute things. And taking less risks. Not living life. Oh the paradoxes in life.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Don't Let Me Down
Fork in the road,
Looking both ways, I,
Don't know which way to go.
What do I count on?
Is it the road less traveled?
Or the one I already know?
And no I'm not traveling alone.
I got my heart in my hand, And,
You can bet I'm holding it close.
Don't wanna climb,
Don't wanna fall,
Don't know where to start it all.
I can start by taking it slow.
First I need a, hero,
I got a, mirror,
Looking inside of my soul.
If I need a, hero,
I got my, mirror,
Gotta go on with the show.
I got my ear to the ground;
That's the sound of my train comin' 'round.
This is a chance for us to be heard loud.
It's you and me,
And it's our time now.
Don't let me down.
Don't let me down,
Don't let me down now,
Don't let me down,
Don't let me down now.
People!
This is what you're living your life for.
Fighter,
That's your name ([Justin Timberlake:] That's your name)
Trying to hide but it's obvious you're a survivor.
Believer,
Don't let the travel in the road -
That look in your eyes,
Puts fire in the heart of the cold (world).
Got a marathon to try again,
I'm not even tryin' to win.
I'm just glad I'm not alone.
First I need a, hero,
I got a, mirror,
Looking inside of my soul.
If I need a, hero,
I get my, mirror,
Gotta go on with the show.
I got my ear to the ground;
That's the sound of my train comin' 'round.
This is a chance for us to be heard loud.
It's you and me,
And it's our time now.
Don't let me down.
Don't you let me down,
Promise you won't let me down.
Don't you let me down,
Promise you won't let me down.
You've been running so alone.
I see you (I see you).
You told me we could change the world.
And I believe it's true.
There's nothing now to hold us down.
I found,
My pains,
And the sound of your heart led the way.
I got my ear to the ground;
That's the sound of my train comin' 'round. (comin' round)
This is a chance for us to be heard loud.
It's you and me,
And it's our time now.
Don't let me down!
Don't you let me down, (Don't let me down)
Promise you won't let me down (Don't let me down now)
Don't let me down, (Don't let me down now)
Promise you won't let me down, (Don't let me down now)
Don't let me down,
Don't let me down now,
Don't let me down,
Don't let me down now.
------------------------
I find myself living a day at a time, passing the time and achieving nothing. What do I want to do with my life? What do I want to achieve? What makes me happy? I can't hide behind walls anymore and have to look at this head on. Or life will pass me by with nothing to show for. I just need a couple days to ponder this so called life. Even when I was little, when someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, each year I had a different answer. Teacher, accountant, psychologist, nutritionist, interior designer, physical therapist, personal trainer... yes, some are hard to believe. But years later, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Some people know, from a very young age, what they want to be. Me? 22 and I still can't figure it out. I don't know what I love. I'm trying to imagine myself 10 years from now, and nothing comes to mind.
Looking both ways, I,
Don't know which way to go.
What do I count on?
Is it the road less traveled?
Or the one I already know?
And no I'm not traveling alone.
I got my heart in my hand, And,
You can bet I'm holding it close.
Don't wanna climb,
Don't wanna fall,
Don't know where to start it all.
I can start by taking it slow.
First I need a, hero,
I got a, mirror,
Looking inside of my soul.
If I need a, hero,
I got my, mirror,
Gotta go on with the show.
I got my ear to the ground;
That's the sound of my train comin' 'round.
This is a chance for us to be heard loud.
It's you and me,
And it's our time now.
Don't let me down.
Don't let me down,
Don't let me down now,
Don't let me down,
Don't let me down now.
People!
This is what you're living your life for.
Fighter,
That's your name ([Justin Timberlake:] That's your name)
Trying to hide but it's obvious you're a survivor.
Believer,
Don't let the travel in the road -
That look in your eyes,
Puts fire in the heart of the cold (world).
Got a marathon to try again,
I'm not even tryin' to win.
I'm just glad I'm not alone.
First I need a, hero,
I got a, mirror,
Looking inside of my soul.
If I need a, hero,
I get my, mirror,
Gotta go on with the show.
I got my ear to the ground;
That's the sound of my train comin' 'round.
This is a chance for us to be heard loud.
It's you and me,
And it's our time now.
Don't let me down.
Don't you let me down,
Promise you won't let me down.
Don't you let me down,
Promise you won't let me down.
You've been running so alone.
I see you (I see you).
You told me we could change the world.
And I believe it's true.
There's nothing now to hold us down.
I found,
My pains,
And the sound of your heart led the way.
I got my ear to the ground;
That's the sound of my train comin' 'round. (comin' round)
This is a chance for us to be heard loud.
It's you and me,
And it's our time now.
Don't let me down!
Don't you let me down, (Don't let me down)
Promise you won't let me down (Don't let me down now)
Don't let me down, (Don't let me down now)
Promise you won't let me down, (Don't let me down now)
Don't let me down,
Don't let me down now,
Don't let me down,
Don't let me down now.
------------------------
I find myself living a day at a time, passing the time and achieving nothing. What do I want to do with my life? What do I want to achieve? What makes me happy? I can't hide behind walls anymore and have to look at this head on. Or life will pass me by with nothing to show for. I just need a couple days to ponder this so called life. Even when I was little, when someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, each year I had a different answer. Teacher, accountant, psychologist, nutritionist, interior designer, physical therapist, personal trainer... yes, some are hard to believe. But years later, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Some people know, from a very young age, what they want to be. Me? 22 and I still can't figure it out. I don't know what I love. I'm trying to imagine myself 10 years from now, and nothing comes to mind.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Alive
I breathe, I hear
But I don't believe it
My heart, it beats
But inside I'm freezing
My hands shake
They've lost all their feeling
No air to take
You say that you're leaving
And there's no turning back this time
Gotta stay alive
Where do I go when I'm so alone?
Where do I turn when we were so close?
We try not to crash but we still collide
Tears I've cried, I'll survive
I'm alive
I'm stripped, I'm bare
I'm left here with nothing
I hold the wheel
Don't know where I'm going
Your face, I see, in every reflection
No time, no space
I've lost all direction
And there's no turning back this time
Gotta stay alive
I'm gonna get there someway
Through all the tears and the rain
And any road I can take
Just to get me some place
Where all the scars on my heart
And all the lies in the dark
Disappear in my headlights
So bright, tonight
Gonna drive them away
I'm alive
----------------------
Whoa. Haven't been on this in a while. But I have nothing else going on in life. This will be my official statement that I will start blogging again. Not that I'm not bombarding everyone online already with twitter and facebook.. Oh well. It's kinda sad that my life hasn't changed much in two years. The only difference is now that I have a Bachelor's Degree and not stressing about school. But I am still finding myself kind of lost in the career department... how wonderful. Anyways, more later.
But I don't believe it
My heart, it beats
But inside I'm freezing
My hands shake
They've lost all their feeling
No air to take
You say that you're leaving
And there's no turning back this time
Gotta stay alive
Where do I go when I'm so alone?
Where do I turn when we were so close?
We try not to crash but we still collide
Tears I've cried, I'll survive
I'm alive
I'm stripped, I'm bare
I'm left here with nothing
I hold the wheel
Don't know where I'm going
Your face, I see, in every reflection
No time, no space
I've lost all direction
And there's no turning back this time
Gotta stay alive
I'm gonna get there someway
Through all the tears and the rain
And any road I can take
Just to get me some place
Where all the scars on my heart
And all the lies in the dark
Disappear in my headlights
So bright, tonight
Gonna drive them away
I'm alive
----------------------
Whoa. Haven't been on this in a while. But I have nothing else going on in life. This will be my official statement that I will start blogging again. Not that I'm not bombarding everyone online already with twitter and facebook.. Oh well. It's kinda sad that my life hasn't changed much in two years. The only difference is now that I have a Bachelor's Degree and not stressing about school. But I am still finding myself kind of lost in the career department... how wonderful. Anyways, more later.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Siberia
When you come back I won't be here
She said and gently pulled me near
If you want to talk you can call
And no it's not your fault
I just smiled and said let go of me
But there's something that I've just gotta know
Did someone else steal my part?
She said it's not my fault
Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I was drifted in between
Like I was on the outside looking in, yeah yeah
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been
Oh yeah, my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head
When I came back she wasn't there
Just a note left on the stairs
If you want to talk give me a call
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
When the one that you want doesn't want you
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
Siberia, Siberia
When the one you want doesn't want you too
------------------------
What happens when the one you want doesn't want you? Or, on the flipside, what if someone wants you and you don't want them? Do you A) Be persistent because you can't help who you want, or B) Let it go because it hurts you too much? Either way, both ways have its consequences. On one hand, you have the idea that you are honest with yourself, but at the same time coming off as too strong, borderline uncomfortable for the other person. On the other, you didn't have real feelings because you didn't 'try' hard enough by letting go. In the end, all you can do is stab life right back and be happy with your decision.
She said and gently pulled me near
If you want to talk you can call
And no it's not your fault
I just smiled and said let go of me
But there's something that I've just gotta know
Did someone else steal my part?
She said it's not my fault
Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I was drifted in between
Like I was on the outside looking in, yeah yeah
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been
Oh yeah, my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head
When I came back she wasn't there
Just a note left on the stairs
If you want to talk give me a call
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
When the one that you want doesn't want you
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
Siberia, Siberia
When the one you want doesn't want you too
------------------------
What happens when the one you want doesn't want you? Or, on the flipside, what if someone wants you and you don't want them? Do you A) Be persistent because you can't help who you want, or B) Let it go because it hurts you too much? Either way, both ways have its consequences. On one hand, you have the idea that you are honest with yourself, but at the same time coming off as too strong, borderline uncomfortable for the other person. On the other, you didn't have real feelings because you didn't 'try' hard enough by letting go. In the end, all you can do is stab life right back and be happy with your decision.
Monday, August 10, 2009
All To Myself
I don't patronize, I realize
I'm losing and this is my real life.
I am half asleep, and I am wide awake.
This habit is always so hard to break.
I don't want to be the bad guy,
I've been blaming myself and I think you know why.
I'm killing time, and time's killing you
Every way that I do.
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
Please just follow me.
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
I'm under the gun, you're like the only one.
I just can't decide what I'm running from.
This isn't what I wanted, but
I can't keep my filthy fucking mouth shut.
It's not enough, it's never enough.
I just can't breathe without getting it stuck.
Can't focus it, but I try it
over and over again.
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
-----------------------
Life has been very active the last couple days. School is definitely taking the lead. I went to the beach on Friday with a few friends from school. It was quite awesome. I was glad that it wasn't as complicated as it could have been. Fizzling interest boy didn't end up going, and old, but not that old boy couldn't make it. So, it was just about nine of us, just chilling out. We spent most of our time playing beach volleyball. Like actual beach volleyball. Swimsuits and everything! Scary but fun at the same time! I'd definitely do that again. Also, this week I had to finish my paper for my psychology class. I've been putting it off for weeks on end. This week was pretty much do or die. Since I failed to complete half of my paper by Friday, it meant that I couldn't go to my friend's party. Instead, I spent my Saturday night at home trying to hash out as much as I could before Sunday. It was a shame missing out on a drinking opportunity. Haha. I didn't have to work on Sunday, which allowed me to complete my paper to my satisfaction. Man, I hate how I procrastinate but I can't help it. Now, I have one final separating me and the rest of my summer! Ahh.
On another note, I've been working a lot more lately, picking up shifts at the Bloor/Yonge Jacob. They're giving me more hours in a week than 4 weeks working at Sherway. It's ridiculous. Either way, it's money in the bank. Once I have that, I can finally apply for OSAP. It's pretty late, but it's inevitable that I'm going to pay interest anyways.
Back to regular life...
I'm losing and this is my real life.
I am half asleep, and I am wide awake.
This habit is always so hard to break.
I don't want to be the bad guy,
I've been blaming myself and I think you know why.
I'm killing time, and time's killing you
Every way that I do.
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
Please just follow me.
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
I'm under the gun, you're like the only one.
I just can't decide what I'm running from.
This isn't what I wanted, but
I can't keep my filthy fucking mouth shut.
It's not enough, it's never enough.
I just can't breathe without getting it stuck.
Can't focus it, but I try it
over and over again.
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
Did you say "please just follow me?"
I thought you wanted me.
Cause I want you all to myself.
I can try to suck it up,
I just can't suck it up.
Make me feel like some one else
-----------------------
Life has been very active the last couple days. School is definitely taking the lead. I went to the beach on Friday with a few friends from school. It was quite awesome. I was glad that it wasn't as complicated as it could have been. Fizzling interest boy didn't end up going, and old, but not that old boy couldn't make it. So, it was just about nine of us, just chilling out. We spent most of our time playing beach volleyball. Like actual beach volleyball. Swimsuits and everything! Scary but fun at the same time! I'd definitely do that again. Also, this week I had to finish my paper for my psychology class. I've been putting it off for weeks on end. This week was pretty much do or die. Since I failed to complete half of my paper by Friday, it meant that I couldn't go to my friend's party. Instead, I spent my Saturday night at home trying to hash out as much as I could before Sunday. It was a shame missing out on a drinking opportunity. Haha. I didn't have to work on Sunday, which allowed me to complete my paper to my satisfaction. Man, I hate how I procrastinate but I can't help it. Now, I have one final separating me and the rest of my summer! Ahh.
On another note, I've been working a lot more lately, picking up shifts at the Bloor/Yonge Jacob. They're giving me more hours in a week than 4 weeks working at Sherway. It's ridiculous. Either way, it's money in the bank. Once I have that, I can finally apply for OSAP. It's pretty late, but it's inevitable that I'm going to pay interest anyways.
Back to regular life...
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Only Hope
There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope
Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again
And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back
-------------------------
Today, I went to see The Ugly Truth with my friend from class. It was actually better the second time because the audience was better, laughing a lot more at the dirty humour. Haha. After the movie, we had drinks at Jack Astor's (where else? haha). Fun. When it was time to leave, I definitely realized that this guy was only going to be a friend and nothing more. Never, say never. But, I feel strongly about this at this moment. He's like the only guy that I can talk about chick-flicks with, which makes me happy.
Anyways, this Friday is the infamous beach day (turned infamous at about the time of the second delay). Here is where I hope that the fizzling boy interest will make an appearance. If not, fuck him... only kidding. Anyways, I hope that we would be able to get along like there wasn't a giant 5 week hiatus. SHIT. It's been a while. To put this into perspective, old hook up but not boy from New Year's will be there. That won't be weird because I've been in group situations with him before and we're fine. Then, old hook-up but not/3-day boy interest from 4 weeks ago may be there too. I haven't seen him since then and had a total of 5 minutes of conversation since then. Ahh. This whole beach thing could be slightly awkward. I need to get into different circles. Haha. Kidding. Ok, all I can do is just enjoy chilling with friends from school and look hot doing it. Haha. Majorly kidding on that one.
Then, hopefully after work on Saturday, I'll be able to go to my friend's house party, if I can get 3/4 of my pscyh paper done by then (which is due Monday and have yet started).
This week is going to be busy.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope
Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again
And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back
-------------------------
Today, I went to see The Ugly Truth with my friend from class. It was actually better the second time because the audience was better, laughing a lot more at the dirty humour. Haha. After the movie, we had drinks at Jack Astor's (where else? haha). Fun. When it was time to leave, I definitely realized that this guy was only going to be a friend and nothing more. Never, say never. But, I feel strongly about this at this moment. He's like the only guy that I can talk about chick-flicks with, which makes me happy.
Anyways, this Friday is the infamous beach day (turned infamous at about the time of the second delay). Here is where I hope that the fizzling boy interest will make an appearance. If not, fuck him... only kidding. Anyways, I hope that we would be able to get along like there wasn't a giant 5 week hiatus. SHIT. It's been a while. To put this into perspective, old hook up but not boy from New Year's will be there. That won't be weird because I've been in group situations with him before and we're fine. Then, old hook-up but not/3-day boy interest from 4 weeks ago may be there too. I haven't seen him since then and had a total of 5 minutes of conversation since then. Ahh. This whole beach thing could be slightly awkward. I need to get into different circles. Haha. Kidding. Ok, all I can do is just enjoy chilling with friends from school and look hot doing it. Haha. Majorly kidding on that one.
Then, hopefully after work on Saturday, I'll be able to go to my friend's house party, if I can get 3/4 of my pscyh paper done by then (which is due Monday and have yet started).
This week is going to be busy.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Tears and Rain
How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
Tears and Rain.
Tears and Rain.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
----------------------
I just wish that I could tell you everything. I want to. But some part of me knows that you will not look at me the same. I don't think anyone could convince me otherwise. Because of my fear, you will never know. One day, maybe.
I've been thinking a lot over the past few days, and I've come up with the conclusion that I seriously don't think I could ever let myself get emotionally close to another person. Just for a fear of getting hurt. Leave before they can leave you. It's the most juvenile thing in the world, but I can't exactly help it. Then, I can't exactly complain about my current situation. Maybe, I just like the feeling of having some sort of control.
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
Tears and Rain.
Tears and Rain.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
----------------------
I just wish that I could tell you everything. I want to. But some part of me knows that you will not look at me the same. I don't think anyone could convince me otherwise. Because of my fear, you will never know. One day, maybe.
I've been thinking a lot over the past few days, and I've come up with the conclusion that I seriously don't think I could ever let myself get emotionally close to another person. Just for a fear of getting hurt. Leave before they can leave you. It's the most juvenile thing in the world, but I can't exactly help it. Then, I can't exactly complain about my current situation. Maybe, I just like the feeling of having some sort of control.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Misery
I cry myself to sleep again tonight
'Cause I cannot hold you tight
I wish I could see you again tomorrow
To take all this sorrow, sorrow
I'm hollow
When I touch you
Can you feel it
When I need you
Can you give it
When I look in your eyes
Can you see me
When I fall, fall
Will you catch me, catch me, catch me
Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel
Is what I feel
Is what I feel
These tears on my face
Are for you
I wish that I could hold you
Touch you, feel you
My heart is bleeding Can't you see
I wish that you could hold me
Touch me, feel me
Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel
Is what I feel
Is what I feel
Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel
Is what I feel
Is what I feel
-------------------------------
I really don't know how I got to this place. Things that are new and exciting are meant to end. But things that start off wrong will end only badly. I think I might take the risk.
'Cause I cannot hold you tight
I wish I could see you again tomorrow
To take all this sorrow, sorrow
I'm hollow
When I touch you
Can you feel it
When I need you
Can you give it
When I look in your eyes
Can you see me
When I fall, fall
Will you catch me, catch me, catch me
Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel
Is what I feel
Is what I feel
These tears on my face
Are for you
I wish that I could hold you
Touch you, feel you
My heart is bleeding Can't you see
I wish that you could hold me
Touch me, feel me
Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel
Is what I feel
Is what I feel
Misery is what I feel
When you're not around
So I can't heal
Misery is what I feel
Is what I feel
Is what I feel
-------------------------------
I really don't know how I got to this place. Things that are new and exciting are meant to end. But things that start off wrong will end only badly. I think I might take the risk.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Homecoming
Homecoming, I’m coming
My sweet mistake
Summer’s over, hope it’s not too late
I’m pacing, impatient
Up in my head
Taken back to the sidewalk where we met
And carved out our names
Do you remember that?
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart for you
Descending, I’m spinning
Lost all defense
How could you swallow me again?
I left you, I meant to
Couldn’t let you in
Never mind a single word I said
Carve out your name
Do you remember that?
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you.
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart
You’ve got control of me
Is this the end of me?
‘Cause I just can’t cut up the strings
I’m coming back for more
Don’t let your heart go
Please don’t walk away
Homecoming, I’m coming, I’m coming back
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you.
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart
-------------------------
I had a giant "What the fuck am I going to do?" moment today.
My sweet mistake
Summer’s over, hope it’s not too late
I’m pacing, impatient
Up in my head
Taken back to the sidewalk where we met
And carved out our names
Do you remember that?
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart for you
Descending, I’m spinning
Lost all defense
How could you swallow me again?
I left you, I meant to
Couldn’t let you in
Never mind a single word I said
Carve out your name
Do you remember that?
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you.
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart
You’ve got control of me
Is this the end of me?
‘Cause I just can’t cut up the strings
I’m coming back for more
Don’t let your heart go
Please don’t walk away
Homecoming, I’m coming, I’m coming back
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Did you take off while I was gone?
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you.
I’m coming home, I wanna know
When all the leaves begin to fall
If I’m falling, falling apart
-------------------------
I had a giant "What the fuck am I going to do?" moment today.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Cold Water
Cold, cold water surrounds me now
And all I've got is your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?
Love one's daughter
Allow me that
And I can't let go of your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?
Cold, cold water surrounds me now
And all I've got is your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?
--------------------------
I find myself typing in text and always deleting. I hide behind my own thoughts while hiding behind a screen. I hate the fact that I always have to think twice about what I say. I hate that I have to proofread whatever I write before pressing 'send' or 'publish'. I wanna put this edit button on hold just for a couple days, but I can't.
The very thing that I yearn for is the root of pain. The slightest drop, I can already feel a pin prick. Am I subconsciously putting on my own defense mechanism in place by walking away? By believing it's not in my cards? By being so conceited? Maybe I'm just waiting. Maybe I'm testing who can break down my walls and actually find me. No one has so far. It's not written in the stars as much as I liked to believe.
What am I to you? The person who wakes you up in the morning when you can't do it yourself? The one who you can talk to and suddenly feel relieved? The person who you always say 'hi' to when you get a chance? The person who only wants the best for you? The person who talks behind your back? The one who breaks promises? The person who tells lies, but you give me the benefit of the doubt? The one who takes everything you do for granted? The one who never apologizes? The person who you would rather not exist?
I've gotten everything I deserved in my life.
And all I've got is your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?
Love one's daughter
Allow me that
And I can't let go of your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?
Cold, cold water surrounds me now
And all I've got is your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?
--------------------------
I find myself typing in text and always deleting. I hide behind my own thoughts while hiding behind a screen. I hate the fact that I always have to think twice about what I say. I hate that I have to proofread whatever I write before pressing 'send' or 'publish'. I wanna put this edit button on hold just for a couple days, but I can't.
The very thing that I yearn for is the root of pain. The slightest drop, I can already feel a pin prick. Am I subconsciously putting on my own defense mechanism in place by walking away? By believing it's not in my cards? By being so conceited? Maybe I'm just waiting. Maybe I'm testing who can break down my walls and actually find me. No one has so far. It's not written in the stars as much as I liked to believe.
What am I to you? The person who wakes you up in the morning when you can't do it yourself? The one who you can talk to and suddenly feel relieved? The person who you always say 'hi' to when you get a chance? The person who only wants the best for you? The person who talks behind your back? The one who breaks promises? The person who tells lies, but you give me the benefit of the doubt? The one who takes everything you do for granted? The one who never apologizes? The person who you would rather not exist?
I've gotten everything I deserved in my life.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Revolution
So I say we’ll catch this world on fire
We’ll start a revolution
Can’t you see it now?
It will take all everyone’s attention
To leave it all behind us
Can’t you see it now?
So, we’ll go undercover
Set a sight together
Make a path with only what we need to know.
And we’ll ride
We’ll ride into the morning
And the sun will keep us clear from any ghosts in front of us.
It’s alright to change cause everyone else stays the same
It’s alright to change when everyone else…
So come on!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Hey, can’t you just see it?
We’ll be above it all when we change the world with each and every stone
And we’ll build
We’ll build it up together
Now it’s all in motion
We can’t let go this perfect symmetry
It’s alright to change cause everyone else stays the same
It’s alright to change when everyone else…
So come on!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
No!
We’ll never stop
Come on we’ll never know
How far we’ll go if we, if we knew
We’ll never stop
Come on we’ll never know
So I say we’ll catch this world on fire
We’ll start a revolution
Can’t you see it now?
It will take all everyone’s attention
To leave it all behind us
Can’t you see it now?
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start (So I say we’ll catch this world on fire)
To the top, to the top where we are (We’ll start a revolution)
They’ll say we’re only making enemies (Can’t you see it now?)
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start (It will take all everyone’s attention)
To the top, to the top where we are (To leave it all behind us)
They’ll say we’re only making enemies (Can’t you see it now?)
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start (So I say we’ll catch this world on fire)
To the top, to the top where we are (We’ll start a revolution)
They’ll say we’re only making enemies (Can’t you see it now?)
It will take all everyone’s attention (We’ll set it off, set it off from the start)
To leave it all behind us (To the top, to the top where we are)
Can’t you see it now? (They’ll say we’re only making enemies)
So I say we’ll catch this world on fire
We’ll start a revolution
Can’t you see it now?
It will take all everyone’s attention
To leave it all behind us
Can’t you see it now?
---------------------------
A new era is coming around. I think that I've changed. This is probably where we go separate ways. Sad to say, I can feel it. I'm not so idealistic or naive as I was before. The most of the fog has gone and all I see is a different world. A scary world. The real world.
On another note, new boys are a funny thing. I'm like a crush-slut. Haha, not per se, but it's doesn't take much to make me like a boy. Laughter is definitely the key to my heart.
We’ll start a revolution
Can’t you see it now?
It will take all everyone’s attention
To leave it all behind us
Can’t you see it now?
So, we’ll go undercover
Set a sight together
Make a path with only what we need to know.
And we’ll ride
We’ll ride into the morning
And the sun will keep us clear from any ghosts in front of us.
It’s alright to change cause everyone else stays the same
It’s alright to change when everyone else…
So come on!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Hey, can’t you just see it?
We’ll be above it all when we change the world with each and every stone
And we’ll build
We’ll build it up together
Now it’s all in motion
We can’t let go this perfect symmetry
It’s alright to change cause everyone else stays the same
It’s alright to change when everyone else…
So come on!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
No!
We’ll never stop
Come on we’ll never know
How far we’ll go if we, if we knew
We’ll never stop
Come on we’ll never know
So I say we’ll catch this world on fire
We’ll start a revolution
Can’t you see it now?
It will take all everyone’s attention
To leave it all behind us
Can’t you see it now?
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start
To the top, to the top where we are
They’ll say we’re only making enemies
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start (So I say we’ll catch this world on fire)
To the top, to the top where we are (We’ll start a revolution)
They’ll say we’re only making enemies (Can’t you see it now?)
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start (It will take all everyone’s attention)
To the top, to the top where we are (To leave it all behind us)
They’ll say we’re only making enemies (Can’t you see it now?)
Whoa!
We’ll set it off, set it off from the start (So I say we’ll catch this world on fire)
To the top, to the top where we are (We’ll start a revolution)
They’ll say we’re only making enemies (Can’t you see it now?)
It will take all everyone’s attention (We’ll set it off, set it off from the start)
To leave it all behind us (To the top, to the top where we are)
Can’t you see it now? (They’ll say we’re only making enemies)
So I say we’ll catch this world on fire
We’ll start a revolution
Can’t you see it now?
It will take all everyone’s attention
To leave it all behind us
Can’t you see it now?
---------------------------
A new era is coming around. I think that I've changed. This is probably where we go separate ways. Sad to say, I can feel it. I'm not so idealistic or naive as I was before. The most of the fog has gone and all I see is a different world. A scary world. The real world.
On another note, new boys are a funny thing. I'm like a crush-slut. Haha, not per se, but it's doesn't take much to make me like a boy. Laughter is definitely the key to my heart.
Monday, June 22, 2009
The Running Man
I'm being held captive
Something's got a hold of me
Stay until death
Splits us up and calls the judge
To ask if you believe
You've lost your soul for eternity
But you've never been free
When it's said and done
We can run
It's our eternity
But for now, I've been trapped, oh
Too long to take these roads
Tell me when you see the smoke
Hear my cry and bring me back to home
Arrested by your love, girl
Constant search from the floor
Badly beaten in love, girl
Turn the key and lock the door
Send an SOS through a telegraphic note
Expressed in shreds
Written in code, signed to a note
'Cause nobody should know
What it's like to be alone
So take back your soul
A lot to uphold
A lie to be told
'Cause love's not set in stone
But for now, I've been trapped, oh
Too long to take these roads
Tell me when you see the smoke
Hear my cry and bring me back to home
Arrested by your love, girl
Constant search from the floor
Badly beaten in love, girl
Turn the key and lock the door
Come as you are, my darling
Bare bones so I can see your soul
I'm beginning to lose control
I need to know who's starting
To crumble down my nervous walls
Had to stumble for far too long
Come as you are, come as you are
I'm beginning to lose control
I need to know, I need to know
You're beginning to lose control
Arrested by your love, girl
Constant search from the floor
Barely beating in love, girl
Turn the key and lock the door
Come as you are, come as you are
I'm beginning to lose control
I need to know, I need to know
You're beginning to lose control
-----------------------------
Let's just say it. I'm not one to confront. I hate confrontation. Why? Because there's better things to do and it's not my problem. Yeah, that might be a little conceited or selfish in that matter, but I don't even care at this moment. I hate having to live my life through the approval of others. I wish I could do whatever the fuck I want and not be reprimanded for my actions. I wish I could make decisions without thinking, "Oh, what would ______ think of me?" or "______ wouldn't like that." Fuck. I'm starting to get so tired of this shit. You have no idea what shit I get into when I make sacrifices. You don't even fucking know it. No one fucking knows what I have to deal with. Not even the closest people to me. I'm a very private person. To know me so far, you'd have to know me for a while. Even then, there are things that I wouldn't tell you. And you would be fucking surprised. What pisses me off is when people are indirect of their own feelings. Yeah, I'm probably a hypocrite on this one. I'm not a fan of feeling sharing. I let things blow over because I don't have fucking time to dwell on feelings. Yes, I am a robot that will self-destruct one day, but not today. Fact is, I do not like playing games. Especially, when you and I both know the rules. But if you cut the bullshit, I will too. I can handle whatever the fuck you throw at me, can you? When people piss me off, I have to walk away. Let things blow over. Give enough time and I'll be rational. When I'm angry, I'll fucking launch boulders of shit at you with no regrets. And even that, is rare. I can hold a grudge like no tomorrow. I have stuff from a year ago. No lie. Am I pissed at this moment? Kinda.
Something's got a hold of me
Stay until death
Splits us up and calls the judge
To ask if you believe
You've lost your soul for eternity
But you've never been free
When it's said and done
We can run
It's our eternity
But for now, I've been trapped, oh
Too long to take these roads
Tell me when you see the smoke
Hear my cry and bring me back to home
Arrested by your love, girl
Constant search from the floor
Badly beaten in love, girl
Turn the key and lock the door
Send an SOS through a telegraphic note
Expressed in shreds
Written in code, signed to a note
'Cause nobody should know
What it's like to be alone
So take back your soul
A lot to uphold
A lie to be told
'Cause love's not set in stone
But for now, I've been trapped, oh
Too long to take these roads
Tell me when you see the smoke
Hear my cry and bring me back to home
Arrested by your love, girl
Constant search from the floor
Badly beaten in love, girl
Turn the key and lock the door
Come as you are, my darling
Bare bones so I can see your soul
I'm beginning to lose control
I need to know who's starting
To crumble down my nervous walls
Had to stumble for far too long
Come as you are, come as you are
I'm beginning to lose control
I need to know, I need to know
You're beginning to lose control
Arrested by your love, girl
Constant search from the floor
Barely beating in love, girl
Turn the key and lock the door
Come as you are, come as you are
I'm beginning to lose control
I need to know, I need to know
You're beginning to lose control
-----------------------------
Let's just say it. I'm not one to confront. I hate confrontation. Why? Because there's better things to do and it's not my problem. Yeah, that might be a little conceited or selfish in that matter, but I don't even care at this moment. I hate having to live my life through the approval of others. I wish I could do whatever the fuck I want and not be reprimanded for my actions. I wish I could make decisions without thinking, "Oh, what would ______ think of me?" or "______ wouldn't like that." Fuck. I'm starting to get so tired of this shit. You have no idea what shit I get into when I make sacrifices. You don't even fucking know it. No one fucking knows what I have to deal with. Not even the closest people to me. I'm a very private person. To know me so far, you'd have to know me for a while. Even then, there are things that I wouldn't tell you. And you would be fucking surprised. What pisses me off is when people are indirect of their own feelings. Yeah, I'm probably a hypocrite on this one. I'm not a fan of feeling sharing. I let things blow over because I don't have fucking time to dwell on feelings. Yes, I am a robot that will self-destruct one day, but not today. Fact is, I do not like playing games. Especially, when you and I both know the rules. But if you cut the bullshit, I will too. I can handle whatever the fuck you throw at me, can you? When people piss me off, I have to walk away. Let things blow over. Give enough time and I'll be rational. When I'm angry, I'll fucking launch boulders of shit at you with no regrets. And even that, is rare. I can hold a grudge like no tomorrow. I have stuff from a year ago. No lie. Am I pissed at this moment? Kinda.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Broken Strings
Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything
When I love you,
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking,
It's the voice of someone else
Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late
Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell something that ain't real
Well the truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late (too late)
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain't real
Well truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
----------------------------
Lately, my life has been a bit dull. But that's completely on my end. I've been slightly complaining that my life should be started right now. In all reality though, I have my entire life ahead of me. I'm just being such a girl... a child really... wanting everything now. But I've realized that I would rather have things happen to me later in life and have it right in every way, than to have it half-assed and wrong for me now. All-in-all, enjoy the good times now. Technically, these are still the carefree days. Take advantage of it.
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything
When I love you,
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking,
It's the voice of someone else
Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late
Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell something that ain't real
Well the truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late (too late)
You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain't real
Well truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
----------------------------
Lately, my life has been a bit dull. But that's completely on my end. I've been slightly complaining that my life should be started right now. In all reality though, I have my entire life ahead of me. I'm just being such a girl... a child really... wanting everything now. But I've realized that I would rather have things happen to me later in life and have it right in every way, than to have it half-assed and wrong for me now. All-in-all, enjoy the good times now. Technically, these are still the carefree days. Take advantage of it.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Misery Business
I'm in the business of misery,
Let's take it from the top.
She's got a body like an hourglass, it's ticking like a clock.
It's a matter of time before we all run out,
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth.
I waited eight long months,
She finally set him free.
I told him I couldn't lie he was the only one for me.
Two weeks and we've caught on fire,
She's got it out for me,
But I wear the biggest smile.
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But God does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him now.
And if you could then you know you would.
It's gonna just feel so...
It just feels so good.
Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged.
I'm sorry honey, but I passed it up, now look this way.
Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you.
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who,
They want and what they like it's easy if you do it right.
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But God does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him right now.
And if you could then you know you would.
It's gonna just feel so...
It just feels so good.
I watched his wildest dreams come true
And not one of them involving you
Just watch my wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving...
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But God does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him now.
And if you could then you know you would.
It's gonna just feel so...
It just feels so good.
-----------------------------
I don't understand why people think I'm complicated. I'm really not. I don't understand why people think I sleep around, when clearly I don't. Really? Come on.
It's Saturday night and I'm home yet again. Not that I mind of course because I love being at home. But it's just that my life is pretty dull right now. Not having crazy nights. It's easy on my wallet, but hard on my state of being. Something like that. Just one super-fun night like every two weeks would be awesome.
Let's take it from the top.
She's got a body like an hourglass, it's ticking like a clock.
It's a matter of time before we all run out,
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth.
I waited eight long months,
She finally set him free.
I told him I couldn't lie he was the only one for me.
Two weeks and we've caught on fire,
She's got it out for me,
But I wear the biggest smile.
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But God does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him now.
And if you could then you know you would.
It's gonna just feel so...
It just feels so good.
Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged.
I'm sorry honey, but I passed it up, now look this way.
Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you.
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who,
They want and what they like it's easy if you do it right.
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But God does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him right now.
And if you could then you know you would.
It's gonna just feel so...
It just feels so good.
I watched his wildest dreams come true
And not one of them involving you
Just watch my wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving...
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But God does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him now.
And if you could then you know you would.
It's gonna just feel so...
It just feels so good.
-----------------------------
I don't understand why people think I'm complicated. I'm really not. I don't understand why people think I sleep around, when clearly I don't. Really? Come on.
It's Saturday night and I'm home yet again. Not that I mind of course because I love being at home. But it's just that my life is pretty dull right now. Not having crazy nights. It's easy on my wallet, but hard on my state of being. Something like that. Just one super-fun night like every two weeks would be awesome.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Wish You Were
Gone away are the golden days
Just a page in my diary
So here I am, a utopian citizen
Still convinced there's no such thing as idealism
Memories they're following me like a shadow now
And I'm dreaming
And I've already suffered the fever of disbelief
I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
And I wish you were here
I was true as the sky is blue
I couldn't soon say the same for you
So now I find denial in my eyes
I'm mesmerized by the picture that's in my mind
Tell me when I'll finally see your shallow heart
For what it is
Cause I don't want to keep on believing in illusions
Sometimes I can't explain
And I'm so sorry that I can't
I'll try to concentrate
On your true identity
---------------------------------
Ok, it's almost the end of May and I haven't accomplished much at all. I finding myself spending entire days in bed if I'm not at work, just watching hours and hours of One Tree Hill. I'm gaining weight, feeling tired, and breaking out like mad. I shall go sign up for the gym tomorrow! If anything, the gym will be emptier than ever so I'm free to look more terrible. Time to get off my ass and accomplish shit in my life. Ta.
*Edit: Clearly, I can't afford the gym. So, I shall being my job hunt! =)
Just a page in my diary
So here I am, a utopian citizen
Still convinced there's no such thing as idealism
Memories they're following me like a shadow now
And I'm dreaming
And I've already suffered the fever of disbelief
I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
And I wish you were here
I was true as the sky is blue
I couldn't soon say the same for you
So now I find denial in my eyes
I'm mesmerized by the picture that's in my mind
Tell me when I'll finally see your shallow heart
For what it is
Cause I don't want to keep on believing in illusions
Sometimes I can't explain
And I'm so sorry that I can't
I'll try to concentrate
On your true identity
---------------------------------
Ok, it's almost the end of May and I haven't accomplished much at all. I finding myself spending entire days in bed if I'm not at work, just watching hours and hours of One Tree Hill. I'm gaining weight, feeling tired, and breaking out like mad. I shall go sign up for the gym tomorrow! If anything, the gym will be emptier than ever so I'm free to look more terrible. Time to get off my ass and accomplish shit in my life. Ta.
*Edit: Clearly, I can't afford the gym. So, I shall being my job hunt! =)
Friday, May 22, 2009
Out Of Reach
Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK
But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you
But now I'm
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there
For me
-------------------------
I wish I could believe you. But we both know that when you wake up, I mean nothing.
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK
But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you
But now I'm
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there
For me
-------------------------
I wish I could believe you. But we both know that when you wake up, I mean nothing.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
I Will Remember You
Eight years later
Time goes by fast
Got my memories
And they will last
I try to keep it simple
'Cause I hate goodbyes
And I try to keep it simple
By telling myself that.
I... I will remember you
and all of the things
that we've gone through
There is so much I can say
The words get in the way
So were not together
I will remember you
I will remember… you
We’re a picture
In my mind
When I want to find you
I just close my eyes
You’ll never be that far from me
So don’t say goodbye 'cause
You’ll never be that far from me
I’m telling myself
I… I will remember you
And all of the things that we’ve gone through
There is so much I can say
The words get in the way
So were not together
I will remember… you
You were there when I needed a friend
Thank you thank you
I never told you how much that meant
Gotta thank you thank you
I… I will remember you
And all of the things that we’ve gone through
There is so much I can say
The words get in the way
So
I… I will remember you
And all of the things that we’ve gone through
There is so much I can say
The words get in the way
We’re not together
I will remember you
We’re not together
I will remember you
I will remember… you
--------------------------
Today, I went out with an old friend, former crush. After two years of not speaking to each other, it just seemed a bit random. Let me explain some back story...
We met in first year, during Frosh. Fun times, I say. We were on different teams, but somehow, people on my team knew people on other teams and we all just became friends. Anyways, on the final day of Frosh, we had a boat cruise, where all the leaders and first-year students just got to hang back and relax before school started. Anyways, this whole boat thing was kinda boring at first. I was 18, and not a drinker yet/couldn't buy alcohol. All the leaders and stuff were getting wasted pretty much. Anyways, this semi-drunk girl was totally into my friend (being all playful touchy feely) and he was playing along. He pretended to be drunk for her entertainment and when she wasn't looking, he would look my way and mouth, "I'm not drunk." From then on, whenever this other girl wasn't looking, we just talked about random things, and when she came over, he would tell her to get another drink and we would continue talking. It was kind of fun. Anyways, we chatted up the night and became friends afterwards. Sometime after, we began to hang out pretty often, seeing movies like every Wednesday at one point. By this time, I totally had a giant crush on this guy. Anyways, one day, we had a conversation about having crushes on each other at the beginning when we first met. We then planned our next hang-out. Anyways, the day comes. It was around Christmas and I had made plans to go to a Christmas dinner with some university friends and meet up with this guy after. During the dinner, he texts me that he couldn't make it and was sorry. I don't remember the reason, but I just brushed it off because we'd be hanging out so often. After a couple weeks, I find out that he is now in a relationship with some other girl and he disappears from all forms of social networking. He had let his girlfriend tell him to go offline of everything possible, Facebook, MSN, etc. From here on, I hadn't talked to this guy for about 2 years. I can't remember if I was angry at all, but I knew that couldn't let myself get caught up in this.
Now present day story, two years later...
Not too long ago, my friend reappears on Facebook, MSN, etc. We started talking to each other and he informs me that he and his girlfriend broke up. I understand that Facebook is trouble when it comes to girlfriends and relationships, but I would never tell another person that they had to pretty much drop off the face of the Earth and only spend time with me... that's crazy. Anyways, we started talking like we used to, and after my update on Facebook, he suggested that we see a sappy movie. I thought it was kind of random, but things are cool now, that it seemed not normal not to. Anyways, we saw "Ghosts of Girlfriend's Past". The movie was ok, but I enjoy these cheesy, predictable movies. After the movie, he suggested that we just sit at Dundas Square because the day was so nice and we didn't have anywhere to go afterwards. We spent the time there just catching up and talking about plans for summer. I again, have no plans. Haha. We talked about what happened the last time we went out. So we were trying to figure out what movie we watched last, pretty much what were the last things we told each other (He remembered that I was excited to see The Academy Is... and Cobra in Buffalo, long time eh?). Anyways, he ended up telling me that the reason he wanted to take me out for a movie is to apologize for how he left things. Not that we were in any sort of "relationship", but that we were close and he disappeared on me. He said that he kept replaying our last conversation and it didn't sit right with him all this time. All I could say was, "No worries", because it was so long ago that it doesn't even matter now since he's "alive" now. It was just very sweet that even though this happened two years ago, he still apologized for it. And he promised me that he wouldn't "die" again. So, hopefully, we'll somehow get as close as we once were.
Time goes by fast
Got my memories
And they will last
I try to keep it simple
'Cause I hate goodbyes
And I try to keep it simple
By telling myself that.
I... I will remember you
and all of the things
that we've gone through
There is so much I can say
The words get in the way
So were not together
I will remember you
I will remember… you
We’re a picture
In my mind
When I want to find you
I just close my eyes
You’ll never be that far from me
So don’t say goodbye 'cause
You’ll never be that far from me
I’m telling myself
I… I will remember you
And all of the things that we’ve gone through
There is so much I can say
The words get in the way
So were not together
I will remember… you
You were there when I needed a friend
Thank you thank you
I never told you how much that meant
Gotta thank you thank you
I… I will remember you
And all of the things that we’ve gone through
There is so much I can say
The words get in the way
So
I… I will remember you
And all of the things that we’ve gone through
There is so much I can say
The words get in the way
We’re not together
I will remember you
We’re not together
I will remember you
I will remember… you
--------------------------
Today, I went out with an old friend, former crush. After two years of not speaking to each other, it just seemed a bit random. Let me explain some back story...
We met in first year, during Frosh. Fun times, I say. We were on different teams, but somehow, people on my team knew people on other teams and we all just became friends. Anyways, on the final day of Frosh, we had a boat cruise, where all the leaders and first-year students just got to hang back and relax before school started. Anyways, this whole boat thing was kinda boring at first. I was 18, and not a drinker yet/couldn't buy alcohol. All the leaders and stuff were getting wasted pretty much. Anyways, this semi-drunk girl was totally into my friend (being all playful touchy feely) and he was playing along. He pretended to be drunk for her entertainment and when she wasn't looking, he would look my way and mouth, "I'm not drunk." From then on, whenever this other girl wasn't looking, we just talked about random things, and when she came over, he would tell her to get another drink and we would continue talking. It was kind of fun. Anyways, we chatted up the night and became friends afterwards. Sometime after, we began to hang out pretty often, seeing movies like every Wednesday at one point. By this time, I totally had a giant crush on this guy. Anyways, one day, we had a conversation about having crushes on each other at the beginning when we first met. We then planned our next hang-out. Anyways, the day comes. It was around Christmas and I had made plans to go to a Christmas dinner with some university friends and meet up with this guy after. During the dinner, he texts me that he couldn't make it and was sorry. I don't remember the reason, but I just brushed it off because we'd be hanging out so often. After a couple weeks, I find out that he is now in a relationship with some other girl and he disappears from all forms of social networking. He had let his girlfriend tell him to go offline of everything possible, Facebook, MSN, etc. From here on, I hadn't talked to this guy for about 2 years. I can't remember if I was angry at all, but I knew that couldn't let myself get caught up in this.
Now present day story, two years later...
Not too long ago, my friend reappears on Facebook, MSN, etc. We started talking to each other and he informs me that he and his girlfriend broke up. I understand that Facebook is trouble when it comes to girlfriends and relationships, but I would never tell another person that they had to pretty much drop off the face of the Earth and only spend time with me... that's crazy. Anyways, we started talking like we used to, and after my update on Facebook, he suggested that we see a sappy movie. I thought it was kind of random, but things are cool now, that it seemed not normal not to. Anyways, we saw "Ghosts of Girlfriend's Past". The movie was ok, but I enjoy these cheesy, predictable movies. After the movie, he suggested that we just sit at Dundas Square because the day was so nice and we didn't have anywhere to go afterwards. We spent the time there just catching up and talking about plans for summer. I again, have no plans. Haha. We talked about what happened the last time we went out. So we were trying to figure out what movie we watched last, pretty much what were the last things we told each other (He remembered that I was excited to see The Academy Is... and Cobra in Buffalo, long time eh?). Anyways, he ended up telling me that the reason he wanted to take me out for a movie is to apologize for how he left things. Not that we were in any sort of "relationship", but that we were close and he disappeared on me. He said that he kept replaying our last conversation and it didn't sit right with him all this time. All I could say was, "No worries", because it was so long ago that it doesn't even matter now since he's "alive" now. It was just very sweet that even though this happened two years ago, he still apologized for it. And he promised me that he wouldn't "die" again. So, hopefully, we'll somehow get as close as we once were.
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