I Kissed A Boy

Yo check it out, I've got a plan
Here's my intention
The frat boys in the club are lame
Let's start an altercation
It's just what I'm used to
Just want to fuck shit up
I got my whole damn crew
Come on, what you gonna do

I kissed a boy and they liked it
Got all the honeys in the club excited
I kissed a boy just to start shit
And homeboy was not about it
I know it's wrong, but I don't mind
I'm gonna start shit tonight
I kissed a boy just to start shit
They just loved it

Nah, you don't even know my name
It doesn't matter
Don't even front, you got no game
You're just a sucker
So what now, I clowned you
And I'm stealing your girl too
She wants a secure dude
And that's just not you

I kissed a boy and they liked it
Got all the honeys in the club excited
I kissed a boy just to start shit
And homeboy was not about it
I know it's wrong, but I don't mind
I'm gonna start shit tonight
I kissed a boy just to start shit
They just loved it

Me and my bros thats how we roll
You'll never know how far we'll go
I'll grab some chump that I don't know
And plant one right on him
You're only here for our
Amusement

I kissed a boy and they liked it
Got all the honeys in the club excited
I kissed a boy just to start shit
And homeboy was not about it
I know it's wrong, but I don't mind
I'm gonna start shit tonight
I kissed a boy just to start shit
Bitches loved it

--------------------------------

*Edit: This is mostly hypothetical.

Is it wrong to have feelings for boys in serious relationships? That is the topic of today. What if it isn't mutual? What if is? To me, feelings are feelings and you can't help who you like. You can deny your feelings and wish that they weren't true. However, isn't lying to yourself not a good thing? But, there is some female-to-female loyalty rule that's unwritten. So, the question is do you, A: Make a move, or B: Get over it? Or even, C: It depends? Does it depends on how close you know this other girl, how long you've know said boy, how long you've had feelings for said boy, and or whatever other reason. If you engage in such an activity with a boy in a serious relationship, you just have to be prepared to deal with the aftermath. Ultimately, you have the possibility of being nothing but the girl on the side. Powerless. On the other hand, affairs are fun. Hmm. And if said boy is up for it, why not? Personally, I believe in a thing called self-control and resistance. And if someone's boyfriend doesn't have that, it's not my fault. My reasoning can be labeled as immature, selfish, whatever you want. You may ask, "You wouldn't want someone to do that to you, would you?" The answer is "No, of course not", but I would understand that my significant other doesn't have the same calibre of feelings as I do. And right there, there is a mismatch of feelings and trust. I always said that if someone cheated on me, that I would like to know so I would be able to do the same. Affairs are full of lust and nothing of substance. From this discussion, I have concluded I will not be good in relationships.

Navigate Me

I'm creepin' your way and these sheets aren't stoppin' me
Because I'm gonna meet you face to face
And I'm gonna start from your waist up through your navel
And we're approaching such a place

This is where we both get scared
This is where emotion flares
This is where we both prepare
Navigate me through your body
Navigate me
Navigate me through your body
Navigate
I love the way you talk on top of me
So navigate me through your body

I'm creepin' your way and these sheets aren't stoppin' me
Thats right it's quite simply
These sheets aren't stoppin' me
Cause my mind's on a mission
And a mind on a mission
Is a mind that you just set free
I'm creepin' your way
I'm creepin' your

This is where we both get scared
This is where emotion flares
This is where we both prepare
Navigate me through your body
Navigate me
Navigate me through your body
Navigate
I love the way you talk on top of me
So navigate me

'Cause a mind on a mission
With enough ammunition
And the right proposition
Is a mind that you might set free

'Cause a mind on a mission
With enough ammunition
And the proper position
Is a mind that you just set free

I love the way you talk on top me
So Navigate me

Navigate me through your body
Navigate me
Navigate me through your body
Navigate
I love the way you talk on top of me
So navigate me

Navigate me through your body
Navigate me
Navigate me through your body
Navigate
I love the way you talk on top of me
So navigate me through your body

I'm creepin' your way
I'm creepin' your way

---------------------------------

Already my heart is breaking. I can feel the pain of this year's resolutions already. I found out that Secondhand Serenade, whom I've fallen in love with about 3 weeks ago, is playing Mod Club next week. And, I can't go. Like, I already crossed a few concerts, well all the concerts I know, off the list, and this one wasn't even on the radar. This year is going to suck. With other necessary expenses, this year will not be any fun at all.

On another note, I'm finding Facebook mobile to be a very, very convenient tool. It makes me smile when I get messages in my inbox from unexpected people. Hmm.

Ok. First test of the season. I have to do well. Miscalculation: My GPA needs to go up by 0.16 instead of what I thought was 0.06. I need to calm down. Hardcore. Wish me luck!

Sober

I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at 4 o'clock in the morning
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Ahhhh-Ahhh, the sun is blinding
I stayed up again
Oh, I'm finding
That's not the way I want my story to end

I'm safe up high,
Nothing can touch me
Why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside
You're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence..
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
'Cause I won't remember, save your breath 'cause what's the use?

Ahhhh-Ahhh, the night is calling
And it whispers to me softly, "come play"
I am falling
And if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe up high,
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down,
Spinnin' round, spinnin' round, spinnin' round
Looking for myself,
Sober
Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down,
Spinnin' round, spinnin' round, spinnin' round
Looking for myself,
Sober

When it's good, then it's good
It's all good 'till it goes bad
'Till you try to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, never again!
Broken down in agony
Just trying to find a friend
Ohhh

Whoahhh

I'm safe up high,
Nothing can touch me
Why do I feel this party's over?
Whoahhh
No pain inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

Whoahhh

I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
Why do I feel this party's over?
Why do I feel this party's over?
Whoahhh
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
Why do I feel this party's over?

Will I ever feel this good sober?

-------------------------------------

I had some time this morning to do whatever I wanted to do before I had to head out to work. What did I choose to do? Look up submissions to PostSecret. Although all of this anonymous, all these secrets ring true for at least one other person in the world. Here are a few that I thought stood out for me. Some exactly explain what I'm feeling, some show hope, and some just plain inspire.














After probably reading one fifth of the PostSecrets on that website, I already connected with at least 20 percent of them. It just shows that were not at all different from one another. We're all the same. I hope one day I can have the courage to even submit some of my own. But for now, I'll just keep reading.

Camisado

The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events

This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relax
Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relapse again

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back

You're a regular decorated emergency
You're a regular decorated emergency

This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada
You can take the kid out of the fight

You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake
You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again

You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake
You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada
You can take the kid out of the fight

The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events

--------------------------------------

Ok, this past week has been an emotional rollercoaster out of a series of normal events. I hate myself for being in a situation that only makes me want to hate myself even more. I don't have a reason to wake up in the morning anymore. I really don't. But I do wake up. I wake up to live a life that I don't want anymore. I chose this path. I chose this path. I try to convince myself everyday that I made the right one. But as each day goes by, I can only feel how not right it is. I say that I'll go through with my choices, and when the time is right, I'll take the opportunity to do what I truly want. But how do I know I am strong enough to survive until that point? How will I know?

Today, I had a minor breakdown. I am not proud of it. But it happened. I'm the type of person who holds everything on the inside. When shit happens, I take it and keep it to myself. Today, I found out that I have to get my wisdom teeth removed. Total cost: $1580. Coverage: $750. Remainder: $830. I'm not a rich girl. I'm far from it. It just makes me sad that to be healthy, it costs money. It pains me so much to know that in order to make it better, it costs me more than I have. It pains me that at this age, I'm worried about even having enough for the next 2 years. I have an incredible amount of debt, and to find out that to be healthy, I have to go into more debt? It's heartbreaking. This along with other things such as my predicament with school, the stress I'm already under from it, not seeing my friends when I want to, being too busy for words, all contributed to what I call my "breakdown". You probably think it's stupid. Or, that it's immature. Or, even disgracing. I do. But, the thing is that I never do this. I fucking never. Fuck. I can only do my best in the future to not let this happen ever again. Life is tough and I have to fucking deal with it.