Camisado

The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events

This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relax
Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relapse again

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back

You're a regular decorated emergency
You're a regular decorated emergency

This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada
You can take the kid out of the fight

You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake
You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again

You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake
You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada
You can take the kid out of the fight

The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events

--------------------------------------

Ok, this past week has been an emotional rollercoaster out of a series of normal events. I hate myself for being in a situation that only makes me want to hate myself even more. I don't have a reason to wake up in the morning anymore. I really don't. But I do wake up. I wake up to live a life that I don't want anymore. I chose this path. I chose this path. I try to convince myself everyday that I made the right one. But as each day goes by, I can only feel how not right it is. I say that I'll go through with my choices, and when the time is right, I'll take the opportunity to do what I truly want. But how do I know I am strong enough to survive until that point? How will I know?

Today, I had a minor breakdown. I am not proud of it. But it happened. I'm the type of person who holds everything on the inside. When shit happens, I take it and keep it to myself. Today, I found out that I have to get my wisdom teeth removed. Total cost: $1580. Coverage: $750. Remainder: $830. I'm not a rich girl. I'm far from it. It just makes me sad that to be healthy, it costs money. It pains me so much to know that in order to make it better, it costs me more than I have. It pains me that at this age, I'm worried about even having enough for the next 2 years. I have an incredible amount of debt, and to find out that to be healthy, I have to go into more debt? It's heartbreaking. This along with other things such as my predicament with school, the stress I'm already under from it, not seeing my friends when I want to, being too busy for words, all contributed to what I call my "breakdown". You probably think it's stupid. Or, that it's immature. Or, even disgracing. I do. But, the thing is that I never do this. I fucking never. Fuck. I can only do my best in the future to not let this happen ever again. Life is tough and I have to fucking deal with it.