Something More

I lie awake again, my bodies feeling paralysed
I can’t remember when
I didn’t live through this disguise
The words you said to me
They couldn’t set me free

I'm stuck here in this life i didn’t ask for
There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?

Breathe in breathe out

And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store

Breathe in breathe out

The storm is rolling in
The thunders loud it hurts my ears

I'm paying for my sins
And its gunna rain for years and years

I fooled everyone and now what will i become?
I have to start this over
I have to start this over

There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?

Breathe in breathe out

And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store

Breathe in breathe out

I fooled everyone and now what will i become?
I have to start this over
I have to start this over
There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?

Breathe in breathe out

And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store

Breathe in breathe out
There must be something more
Breathe in breathe out
There must be something more

--------------

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Sometimes I wonder how I ended up here. In this particular point in my life. In hindsight, can I pinpoint the moment in my life so far, that could drastically change what is my life right now? If I had listened to my heart? Or if I had asked for help instead of trying to figure it out for myself? If I was willing to be a little less stubborn? If I should've spoken up instead of ignoring something? It's ridiculous to even think that if I had the opportunity to change something in my life, that it would drastically change my life today. As I'm wondering this now, I'd be very careful with future decisions. Potentially overthinking the most minute things. And taking less risks. Not living life. Oh the paradoxes in life.

Suppose

Suppose that I missed you
Suppose that I care
And suppose that spent all my nights running scared
And suppose
That I was never there

And my eyes are screaming for a sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you
So I guess I'll be lonely too

Suppose we were happy
Suppose it was true
And suppose there were cold nights
But we somehow made it through
And suppose that I'm nothing without you

My eyes I'm screaming for a sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you
So I guess I'll be lonely too

Slow way down
This break down's eating me alive
And I'm tired
This fight is fighting to survive

Tell me a secret (I want it)
Tell me a story (I need it)
I'll listen intensively
I'll stay awake all night
All of me is a whisper (So don't leave)
There's nothing left in me (Please help me)
Not even my body is strong enough to fight (Let's make this right)
Please help me make this right

Suppose that I was wrong
Suppose you were here
And suppose that I reached out and caught your tears
And suppose this fight just disappeared

And my eyes are screaming for a sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you
So I guess I'll be lonely too
But I'd rather be here with you

-----------------------------------

Pretty is never a descriptor. And if so, it's a lie.

A Twist In My Story

Slow down, the world isn't watching us break down
It's safe to say we are alone now, we're alone now
Not a whisper, the only noise is the receiver
I'm counting the seconds until you break the silence
So please just break the silence

The whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

And I'm longing, for words to describe how I'm feeling
I'm feeling inspired
My world just flip turned upside down
It turns around, say what's that sound
It's my heart beat, it's getting much louder
My heart beat, is stronger than ever
I'm feeling so alive, I'm feeling so alive

My whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
That's what you get
When you see your life in someone else's eyes
That's what you get, that's what you get

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you
This world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

--------------------------------

I wish that I were more carefree and more understanding. I want to be less rational than I am, and be able to take more risks. I want to be pushed, but I'm so scared of falling off. I wish I could live with not knowing what's happening tomorrow. I wish I knew how much time I actually have left. I wish I could go back to 8th grade and check off the right box. I want to be someone else. It would benefit a lot of people.

Like A Knife

I did a lot, I know you say
I've got to get away.
"The world is not yours for the taking"
Is all you ever say.
I know I'm not the best for you,
But promise that you'll stay.
'Cause if I watch you go,
You'll see me wasting, you'll see me wasting away

'Cause today, you walked out of my life
'Cause today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life.

Goodbyes are meant for lonely people standing in the rain
And no matter where I go it's always pouring all the same.
These streets are filled with memories
Both good for detected pain
And all I wanna do is love you
But I'm the only one to blame.

'Cause today, you walked out of my life
'Cause today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life.

But what do I know, if you're leaving
All you did was stop the bleeding.
But these scars will stay forever,
These scars will stay forever
And these words have no meaning
If we cannot find the feeling
That we held on to together
Try your hardest to remember

Stay with me,
Or watch me bleed,
I need you just to breathe.

'Cause today, you walked out of my life
(stay with me, or watch me bleed)
'Cause today, your words felt like a knife
(i need you just to breathe.)
I'm not living this life

-----------------------------------

Ok. Lately I've been listening to a lot of Secondhand Serenade... more than the usge. This one is probably one of my top 2 by them. All of their songs are either about heartbreak, or the healing heart. Each one is perfect in its own way. I like it.

On another note, this is a special day for Jenicka. It's her 21st birthday! I don't know what I'd do with myself if she wasn't in my life, but so grateful for how much she has been in my life. I love you!! <3 Happy Birthday, Jenicka!

It's Not Over

My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you ' or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over

-----------------------------------

Random facts you may or may not know about me:

1. I love sleeping.
2. I'm not a fan of using plastic utensils or dishware.
3. I sleep to Armor For Sleep every night I am home.
4. I always wake up at least an hour and a half before I have to be somewhere.
5. I love putting the "What I am Listening to" on MSN.
6. It kills me when my laptop doesn't connect to the internet.
7. I love watching movies on TV and get really mad if I miss a good one even though I've probably seen it many many times.
8. I really dislike drinking water.
9. I don't like dressing up.
10. I hate open spaces, like vast fields.
11. I love sleeping with at least 3 blankets, and the heater on.
12. I hate waking up to an alarm.
13. I hate updates on Facebook.
14. I don't like technology very much.
15. It makes me happy when I see The Academy Is... on my phone and desktop background.
16. I always have to have music playing while getting ready in the morning.
17. I hate my hair.
18. I find putting on makeup therapeutic.
19. I use my pajama pants as a napkin way too often.
20. I worry way too much.
21. I wonder where people on the subway are going.

What are the 21 random facts about you?

Fall For You

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may of failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cuz talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When your asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

-------------------------------------

This is my new song. Take a listen.

The last three days have been hectic. Busy shoppers = Crazy Anita. Well, not really. I just wanted to shoot myself afterward, figuratively of course. But the next four days I have off work, which is awesome downtime for me. All I really wanna do is just curl up and read a book or watch a movie. The latter will most likely happen. I've discovered that DVDs are the perfect gift for me when I take interest in the subject. So no documentaries or "Pride and Prejudice". Oh god. I spent 2 hours of my life watching that on TV yesterday... I read the book too... just as unentertaining. Now I wait for "Pineapple Express" to come to DVD on January 6th. Draw a pineapple in your calendars!