Wasted

Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It fell like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it

For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it

I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Another glass of whiskey but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it.

Cause I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while

Hey, yeah,
Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Yeah, yeah
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

-----------------------------

It's been quite a while since I've last written. Not much has happened. As mentioned before, my life is pretty dull. All I can do is try to embrace what life is or isn't throwing at me.

As you all know, I've been taking a summer class this semester. Psychology of Immigration. Fun times, right? Haha, not really. But anyways, my prof has activities that she makes us do activities in small groups. From this, I met this Asian guy. Kinda nerdy. After a couple days, we were messaging each other through Facebook, MSN... and talking in class. I don't think I like him, like him. But conversation is really easy, which doesn't come often with me and boys. It's funny because people always start off in the "friend zone" (except for a couple of people). But who knows. In this process, I'm actually learning a lot about myself and what I want. I know that I don't want to be tied down exactly to a boy at this moment, despite how much I want to feel what it's like to be. I feel like I still need to decide once and for all exactly what I want.

No matter what, I will always have some sort of standard. Every girl has to have standards. Not too high, not too low. I have to be legitimately attracted to the guy, and be able to have a decent conversation to a degree. It cannot be forced. Guys should definitely re-evaluate their approaches. I want to be the simple girl so badly, but I am constantly learning how complicated I always will be.

One thing to note is how girls love being chased, and how guys love the chase. I for one, love being chased. But chased too much is bad, and being chased too little leads me to believe that he's not trying hard enough. I can see why I, or girls in general, are somewhat complicated. Where is that fine line? On the other hand, I somehow like doing a bit of chasing. In my books, chasing is pretty much me trying to hold conversations and pining over a guy. But, when in that rare instance that those feelings are returned, I lose major interest. What the hell? I think that I would still be attracted to this guy, but not be as interested as to pursuing a full-on relationship. I end up letting things fizzle out and die off.

Anyways, this beach thing has been on hiatus for quite a while and hopefully it's this week. I was actually counting on this beach thing to get to know this guy who've I've developed a giant instant crush on when I went to Wonderland at the end of June. Because of the long ass hiatus, my crush has fizzled. I guess I lost interest? Or naturally died off on its own by not being watered enough. Because so much time has gone by, my giant instant crush just ended up being more insignificant than I wanted it to be. But hey, that's life. Either way, I hope that beach thing is this week so I have some time in the sun before summer ends.

If This Isn't Love

I'm calling his phone up just to tell him how much
I really love him 'cause he's everything I want
He listens to me, cares for me so I truly believe

God sent me an angel from above
That's gonna love me for life
Might as well be perfect only because
It's the only way I can describe, so

If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I could be dreaming or just plain crazy
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I never felt like this baby
If this isn't love

L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love

I'm selfish 'cause I don't wanna share him with nobody
Not even those people that came before me
But see, I never believed

God would send me an angel up from above
That's gonna love me for life
Might as well be perfect only because
It's the only way I can describe, so

If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I could be dreaming or just plain crazy
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I never felt like this baby
If this isn't love

L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh

So if you got real love
Lemme see you put your hands up
See you put your hands up
The kind of love that fits quite like a glove

Lemme see you put your hands up
See you put your hands up
If this isn't love

'Cause I know I ain't crazy
I know I ain't tripping
I know I ain't slipping
I know that it's love

You see me with my hands up
If you think I'm dreaming
I know I ain't dreaming
'Cause this is the reason I love him because
If this isn't love

If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I could be dreaming or just plain crazy
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I never felt like this baby

L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love

Love, L O V E
Love, L O V E

--------------------------

I spent my father's day actually with my father. Haha. He took me shopping. I went all over the town in search of a swimsuit. I wasn't going to go to Wonderland this year, because of money issues. But after thinking about it/having a nice giant group of people to go with, I thought what the hell, it'll probably be years until I go again. And, I'll be able to go with you ladies sometime in the summer too, because my dad said he would be able to get me extremely cheap tickets, prob underground somewhere... I mean work. Thus, I needed a swimsuit because everyone I'm going with, I mean everyone, wanted to go to the water park. So question. One piece? Two pieces? Three? What?! I had no idea what I wanted, what looked good,what the hell to get pretty much. I ended up going to Bikini Bay on Orfus Road. No luck. Regular priced everything pretty much. Waste of time. Then, onwards to Scarborough Town Center next. Lucky for me, Sears and The Bay were having major sales on swimwear. Needless to say, I ended up getting a swimsuit for $20.99 (Reg. Price $49.99, sale price $29.99, plus additional 30% off!). It's a navy blue halter one-piece. But it's one of those ones that you've prob seen everywhere/trendy this year. It's the one where you have the sides completely bare, with the stomach covered, and an open back.

Similar to this one: http://www.lavieenrose.com/catalog/detail.jsp?product_code=732-722-1-92&category=1018

But navy obviously, and better. It comes attached with the slightest little skirt to cover the crotch, thus eliminating the need of water shorts! And, it looked surprisingly alright on me. Plus, time for my tat to shine =). Sure, it would look amazing on a stick, but it looks pretty good on me. I literally spent 30 mins in the fitting room with it on. And, the fitting rooms at The Bay are awesome that they have those 3-panel mirrors. The bathing suit shows alot of skin, but less than a two piece for sure. It's prob the perfect solution to getting the sexiness of a two-piece, but not having to be completely naked. It's definitely a bold choice from my usual body covering ways. I hope I don't chicken out and wear a giant t-shirt. I'll update you on how it goes...

I'm Waiting

One question what can't be done
You tear me down with the same thing
There's nothing the end, it's begun
What can you do when it all drains

Down there, you go always
See if I care faded
Down, don't you know where I'll be
'Cuz I'm here, on my own

Waiting, when I'm waiting
(don't you know)
I've been here before, and I don't care where I'm going
So I'll stay...

When you walk don't leave a note
Just put your hands on the back door
When you talk it's just a joke
Just know, I can't take it anymore

Down there, you go always
See if I care faded
Down, don't you know where I'll be
'Cuz I'm here, on my own

Waiting, when I'm waiting
(don't you know)
I've been here before, and I don't care where I'm going
So I'll be, waiting (waiting)
When I'm waiting (don't you know)
I'll tell you once more
That, as long as you're gone

Then I'll stay...
Outside there's no place I can hide
And your "down time"
Is anything but right
When the winds rise
This storm won't subside
You'll be outside
I'm in here and I'll guard

Waiting, when I'm waiting
(don't you know)
I've been here before, and I don't care where I'm going
So I'll be, waiting (waiting)
When I'm waiting (don't you know)
I'll tell you once more
That, as long as you're gone

Then I'll stay...
Then I'll stay
Then I'll stay
And you'll go then I'll stay
Stay...

------------------------------

I'm waiting. That's all I can say. Waiting for my life to start. For things to get just a tad bit more interesting. Until then, one day at a time. I should be more pro-active.

Anyways, I've decided that my room will be painted white and pink stripes! It was gunna be a mixture of white, grey, and pink in various lengths of horizontal stripes... but that's way too much work if I'm planning to move out with Jenicka in a year or two *crosses fingers* xD. But big white and pink horizontal stripes will do for now. I wanna paint my old set of drawers white as well. My overall look is pretty much going to be grown-up girly, because of course I'll have random photos and posters <3. Hopefully, I'll be able to start packing whatever is in the room right now on Friday, get all the prep work done by Saturday night, and get one solid coat of primer done by Sunday. I hope it call goes well. Then sometime after the 25th, I can put pink stripes on =). I'm pretty psyched for this little project of mine.

On another note, I'm adding to the list of things to do in the summer, which will be to watch all the dvd's I own... well, my brother's dvds... but in this household, we like to share, so they are mine =).

Still Fly

What's up Fresh, it's our turn baby

Gator Boots, with the pimped out Gucci suit
Ain't got no job, but I stay sharp
Can't pay my rent, cause all my money's spent
But that's OK, cause I'm still fly

Gotcha car play gems on shine, said it's mine, get a mink, baby girl lets ride
You da Numba 1 stunna, and we gonna glide
And go straight to the mall, and turn out the inside
Prowler Gucci full length leather, Burbons cooler, Coogi sweater
Twenty inches pop my feather, The Bird man daddy I fly in any weather
Alligator seats with the head in the
Inside
Swine on the dash, G-Wagon so Fly
Numba 1 don't tangle and twisle
When it come to these cars my hands are faithful
The Gucci with the matching interior
3 wheel ride with the tire in the middle
It's Fresh and stunna and we like brothers,
We shine like paint daddy this our summer

Gator Boots, with the pimped out Gucci suit
Ain't got no job, but I stay sharp
Can't pay my rent, cause all my money's spent
But that's OK, cause I'm still fly
Got a quarter tank gas in my new E-class
But that's alright cause I'm gon' ride
Got everything in my moma's name
But I'm hood rich da dada dada da

Have you ever seen the crocodile seats in the truck?
Turn around and sit it down and let em' bite ya butt
See, the steering wheel is Fendi, dashboard Armani,
With Your baby momma playa is where u can find me
Pushing through the parking lot on 24's Cadillac Escalade with the chromed out nose
With the navigation arrow headed straight to iHop
Aunt Jaimama likes me cause my syrup is so hot
Put the Caddy up, Start the 3 wheel Benz
Hyper white lights, ultra violet lens
Sumitomo tires and they gotta be run flat
T.V. where the horn go, boy can you top that?
I'ma show you somethin rookie press that button
The trunk went Eh-eh and all of a sudden
4 15's didn't see no wire's, and then I heard boom from the amplifiers

Let me slide in the Benz with the fished out fins
Impala Loud pipes, Drinking that Hen
It's the birdy birdy man I'll do it again
In the Cadillac truck 24's with 10's
Looking at my Gucci it's about that time
6 banders flying in at 9
New Suburban truck with page up showin'
Black and White and Red and Gold and
Bodies on the Roadster Lexus You know with that hard top beamer
Momma that's your truck
I'm coming up the hood been lovely
Open up the top and I wake up the bubbley
430 lex with convertible top
The rims keep spinning every time I stop
I got a superman Benz that I scored from shaq
With a old school Caddy with a diamond in the back

Gator Boots, with the pimped out Gucci suit
Ain't got no job, but I stay sharp
Can't pay my rent, cause all my money's spent
But that's OK, cause I'm still fly
Got a quarter tank gas in my new E-class
But that's alright cause I'm gon' ride
Got everything in my moma's name
But I'm hood rich da dada dada da

--------------------------------------

Exam time. Then... summer! Here's a list of a few events/goals/things to do for the summer:

April 28 - Audition CD comes out today! Audition listening party!
April 29 to May 4th - Audition in Buffalo/Bamboozle Adventure
May 19th - My b-day
All of summer - chill times with girlies and summer fling... jk, those don't exist in my life.

Stuff to do:
Move my room downstairs - I plan on moving my room downstairs. It's slightly bigger, therefore, slightly more fun for Anita! Painting, rearranging to begin after Bamboozle adventure!
Learn how to mix drinks/cook - I wanna be able to upgrade my current skill set in these areas so I can host dinner parties when needed. I wanna throw a summer patio dinner party of some sort this summer!
Read books - I wanna read fun books. I remember one summer, I went to the library almost every week to take out/bring books back. I miss it.
Find a job - I need to find a better job that pertains to my future career. I don't think sales associate is going to get me anywhere. On the plus side, it's my longest job yet xD.

Here's to summer *toast*