Mama's Song

Mama, you taught me to do the right things.
So, now you have to let your baby fly.
You've given me everything that I will need.
To make it through this crazy thing called life.
And I know you watched me grow up,
and only want what's best for me.
And I think I found the answer to your prayers.

And he is good, so good.
He treats your little girl,
like a real man should.
He is good, SO good.
He makes promises he keeps.
No, he's never gonna leave.
So, don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.

Mama, there's no way you'll ever lose me.
Giving me away is not goodbye.
As you watch me walk down to my future,
I hope tears of joy are in your eyes.

Cause, he is good, so good.
And, he treats your little girl,
like a real man should.
He is good, SO good.
He makes promises he keeps.
No, he's never gonna leave.
So, don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.

And when I watch my baby grow up,
I'll only want what's best for her.
And I hope she'll find,
the answer to my prayers.
And that she'll say...

He is good, so good.
And he treats your little girl,
like a real man should.
He is good, SO good.
He makes promises he keeps.
No, he's never gonna leave.
So, don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.

Mama, don't you worry about me.
Don't you worry about me.

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At 22, it's not hard to believe that you're young, healthy, and strong. Nothing could hurt you. However, recent events have definitely put things into perspective. First, with my best friend who was in the hospital for a week, not too long ago. Only when someone's health and life are in danger, is when we realize how precious life is, and to not take things for granted. To tell those who matter, that you care and love them. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable for just one moment.

Just a day ago, I was in my bathroom. Feeling lightheaded, I placed both my hands on the sink counter to brace myself. I remember closing my eyes and saying to myself, "It's ok, you just need to lay down". Feeling like I was ok to start moving, I unlocked the door handle and opened the door. As I took a step, I felt a rush of lightheadness and my legs gave out. I had felt my head hit the tile and vibration was sent throughout my entire body. I then opened my eyes and heard my mom rush out of her room to find me laying in the bathroom.

I felt like an idiot. Couldn't even control my own body. Embarrassed. My mom then guided me to her bedroom and told me to lay in her bed until I felt better. She kept saying how scared she was because I had blacked out once before, and that out of my brother and sister, she always worried about me.

At 22, I was in my mother's arms and nothing in the world mattered. I was her baby. I was the most vulnerable I have been in quite some time. I was not invincible. Sometimes in life, we get little reminders of what matters. It's easy to focus on where's your life headed, what job you need, or how much you need to save. But once in a while, we need to cherish how good we have it. To have a family that loves you no matter what. To have friends who care for you so much. To have love in your life.

I Just Can't Live A Lie

Lately nothing I do ever seems to please you
And maybe turning my back would be that much easier
Cause hurtful words are all that we exchange
But I can't watch you walk away

Can I forget about the way it feels to touch you?
And all about the good times that we've been through
Could I wake up without you every day?
Would I let you walk away?

No, I can't learn to live without
And I can't give up on us now

Oh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

Could I forget the look that tells me that you want me?
And all the reasons that make loving you so easy
The kiss that always makes it hard to breathe
The way you know just what I mean

No, I can't learn to live without
Ohh, so don't you give up on us now

Ohh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

Ohh, and I don't wanna try

Ohhhh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

I just can't live a lie

But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

Oh, I cant live a lie

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Carrie Underwood!

On Wednesday, my brother, sister, and I went to go see Carrie Underwood. She's my sister's favourite artist and she treated my brother and me to the day. Some days, my sister can really get under my skin and piss me off to no end. But that day, we were all just excited to do something together and do what people call "bonding". Haha. It was a rare moment that we all set aside time in our schedules to spend together. Kinda weird, but definitely nice. We had a country-filled day by eating at Lonestar Texas Grill on Front Street. It was crazy because every restaurant on Front Street was playing Carrie Underwood music. Then we headed to the ACC. We sat unbelievably close to the stage (Row 13!!). She was amazing as always and had a wonderful show.

Something More

I lie awake again, my bodies feeling paralysed
I can’t remember when
I didn’t live through this disguise
The words you said to me
They couldn’t set me free

I'm stuck here in this life i didn’t ask for
There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?

Breathe in breathe out

And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store

Breathe in breathe out

The storm is rolling in
The thunders loud it hurts my ears

I'm paying for my sins
And its gunna rain for years and years

I fooled everyone and now what will i become?
I have to start this over
I have to start this over

There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?

Breathe in breathe out

And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store

Breathe in breathe out

I fooled everyone and now what will i become?
I have to start this over
I have to start this over
There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?

Breathe in breathe out

And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store

Breathe in breathe out
There must be something more
Breathe in breathe out
There must be something more

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Breathe in. Breathe out.

Sometimes I wonder how I ended up here. In this particular point in my life. In hindsight, can I pinpoint the moment in my life so far, that could drastically change what is my life right now? If I had listened to my heart? Or if I had asked for help instead of trying to figure it out for myself? If I was willing to be a little less stubborn? If I should've spoken up instead of ignoring something? It's ridiculous to even think that if I had the opportunity to change something in my life, that it would drastically change my life today. As I'm wondering this now, I'd be very careful with future decisions. Potentially overthinking the most minute things. And taking less risks. Not living life. Oh the paradoxes in life.

Don't Let Me Down

Fork in the road,
Looking both ways, I,
Don't know which way to go.
What do I count on?
Is it the road less traveled?
Or the one I already know?

And no I'm not traveling alone.
I got my heart in my hand, And,
You can bet I'm holding it close.

Don't wanna climb,
Don't wanna fall,
Don't know where to start it all.
I can start by taking it slow.

First I need a, hero,
I got a, mirror,
Looking inside of my soul.
If I need a, hero,
I got my, mirror,
Gotta go on with the show.

I got my ear to the ground;
That's the sound of my train comin' 'round.
This is a chance for us to be heard loud.
It's you and me,
And it's our time now.
Don't let me down.

Don't let me down,
Don't let me down now,
Don't let me down,
Don't let me down now.

People!
This is what you're living your life for.
Fighter,
That's your name ([Justin Timberlake:] That's your name)

Trying to hide but it's obvious you're a survivor.
Believer,
Don't let the travel in the road -
That look in your eyes,
Puts fire in the heart of the cold (world).
Got a marathon to try again,
I'm not even tryin' to win.
I'm just glad I'm not alone.

First I need a, hero,
I got a, mirror,
Looking inside of my soul.
If I need a, hero,
I get my, mirror,
Gotta go on with the show.

I got my ear to the ground;
That's the sound of my train comin' 'round.
This is a chance for us to be heard loud.
It's you and me,
And it's our time now.
Don't let me down.

Don't you let me down,
Promise you won't let me down.
Don't you let me down,
Promise you won't let me down.

You've been running so alone.
I see you (I see you).
You told me we could change the world.
And I believe it's true.

There's nothing now to hold us down.
I found,
My pains,
And the sound of your heart led the way.

I got my ear to the ground;
That's the sound of my train comin' 'round. (comin' round)
This is a chance for us to be heard loud.
It's you and me,
And it's our time now.
Don't let me down!

Don't you let me down, (Don't let me down)
Promise you won't let me down (Don't let me down now)
Don't let me down, (Don't let me down now)
Promise you won't let me down, (Don't let me down now)

Don't let me down,
Don't let me down now,
Don't let me down,
Don't let me down now.

------------------------

I find myself living a day at a time, passing the time and achieving nothing. What do I want to do with my life? What do I want to achieve? What makes me happy? I can't hide behind walls anymore and have to look at this head on. Or life will pass me by with nothing to show for. I just need a couple days to ponder this so called life. Even when I was little, when someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, each year I had a different answer. Teacher, accountant, psychologist, nutritionist, interior designer, physical therapist, personal trainer... yes, some are hard to believe. But years later, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Some people know, from a very young age, what they want to be. Me? 22 and I still can't figure it out. I don't know what I love. I'm trying to imagine myself 10 years from now, and nothing comes to mind.