Use Somebody

I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces, fill the places I cant reach

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me
Someone like me
Someone like me, somebody

Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody

I've been roaming around,
Always looking down at all I see

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This is the year I need to figure out my life. What the fuck do I want to do?

School is starting in two days. Fourth year. Final year. School to me has been a safe-haven. It's delayed my need to figure everything out. Now that my last year has come, I am confused as to what I want to do in life. What do I really want? Do I wanna to something that makes a lot of money but no heart goes into it? Or, do I wanna do something so passionate that I don't care how much money I make? Obviously, money isn't everything. But it sure is a the non-scary, safe alternative. I'm just too chickenshit to do anything about it.

Either way, I have to do my best this year. Every year it's the same. But somehow, the pressure is definitely intensifying because it's my last chance to show what I can do, or what I can be.

One of my top fears is the fear of failing. I know that life is what I make it, and the most important part is to keep trying to achieve my dreams. But, life likes throwing shit. This year has to be it. It has to be...

On another note, I want to not only go, but live in New York one day. The past couple weeks, I've been watching 'What I Like About You', starring Amanda Bynes and Jennie Garth. Hence, I want to live in New York. Haha. Big dreams. So, in life, I'd want to live in either London, New York, or downtown Toronto of course.

It's Alright, It's OK

You told me
There's no need
To talk it out
Cause its too late
To proceed
And slowly
I took your words

No looking back
I wont regret, no
I will find my way
I'm broken
But still I have to say

It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

You played me
Betrayed me
Your love was nothing but a game
Portrait a role
You took control, I
I couldn't help but fall
So deep
But now I see things clear

It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

Don't waist you fiction tears on me
Just save them for someone in need
It's Way to late
I'm closing the door

It's Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright, OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I wont return
Our bridge has burned down
I'm stronger now
Alright, OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
No matter what you say
It's Alright, OK
Alright, OK
Without you
I won't be sorry

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When I find myself in a hole, I consciously keep myself there. I isolate myself completely from those close to me. I think I just need time to gather my thoughts and to seriously think things over. Being close to other people, talking to people close to me, somehow makes things worse off. I don't like talking things over. Cutting people off avoids the need for me to put on a fake smile. Self-sabotage? Most likely. But necessary.

I hate myself for changing, only for a moment, and becoming someone I am not proud of. I hate myself for thinking that I am different than my family, for throwing away my values. I hate the fact that I never listen and how I think I know best. I look back at hopeful 16 year old I once was, full of hope and aspirations, and wish I could tell myself that it's not real. I get what I deserve in life. I don't deserve anything more.

Franklin

And when we get home, I know we won't be home at all
This place we live, it is not where we belong
And I miss who we were in the town that we could call our own
Going back to get away after everything has changed

Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
(Everything has changed)
Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?

So we stand here now and no one knows us at all
I won't get used to this
I won't get used to being gone
And going back won't feel the same if we aren't staying
Going back to get away after everything has changed

Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
(Everything has changed)
Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?

Taking up our time
Taking up our time
Taking up our time
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time, taking up our time

Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?

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It's been a while since a very good blog. No promises here. Haha. Anyways, September is upon us and we soon go back to routine. I love routine. I love knowing how my day is going to go, knowing when it's going to end. Love it! Anyways, lately I've been in a slump. I'm finding myself in isolation all the time. Consciously of course. I'm in need of a really good laugh.

On another note, I've started another blog: healthyisbeauty.blogspot.com
It's pretty much a boring diary for my path of healthiness. I hope that it provides me the commitment I need to be healthier.

On Fire

They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be

But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When he's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)

Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

When I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And I've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge

And I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery

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I said I wouldn't be sorry for my imperfections, but I am. I hate my fucking external locus of control. I have to be better.